Oct 28, 2019

List of circuits for a fictional racing game

If anyone ever let me design a racing game, this would be my starting list of circuits to include. "Circuit" is technically a misnomer for a couple of them, but I think it's wrong that classic road racing has been forgotten by racing games. If I had to limit myself to circuits proper, the obvious replacements would be Monza and Hermanos Rodríguez.

This list is inspired by the world map in Forza Motorsport 4's career mode. They've included a map of the entire surface of the planet Earth, which you use to travel to eight countries, six of which are in Europe. Just for fun, I put together an alternative list of racing venues that demonstrates that motorsport is a global phenomenon, and would be a lot more interesting to project onto a world map, while still staying in touch with the history of motorsport. I limited myself to twenty tracks, which meant that no country gets more than one. I like to think that only one of my choices is completely indefensible.

The most glaring blank on this map is, unfortunately, Africa between the deserts; the venues just don't seem to exist. If you were willing to take the plunge and include gravel and mud as well as tarmac, you could add the Rallye Côte d'Ivoire and the Safari Rally in Kenya. Confusingly, the Dakar Rally is now held in South America!

Here's the list:

Ain-Diab Circuit, Ain-Diab, Morocco
Autódromo José Carlos Pace, São Paulo, Brazil
Bahrain International Circuit, Bahrain
Brands Hatch Circuit, Kent, UK
Buddh International Circuit, Uttar Pradesh, India
Carrera Panamericana, Mexico
Circuit de la Sarthe, Sarthe, France
Circuit de Monaco, Monaco
Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps, Stavelot, Belgium
Circuit Gilles Villeneuve, Quebec, Canada
Keimola Motor Stadium, Vantaa, Finland
Kyalami Racing Circuit, Gauteng, South Africa
Laguna Seca Raceway, California, USA
Moscow Raceway, Russia
Mount Panorama Circuit, New South Wales, Australia
Nürburgring, Rhineland-Palatinate, Germany
Sepang International Circuit, Selangor, Malaysia
Shanghai International Circuit, Shangai, China
Suzuka Circuit, Mie Prefecture, Japan
Targa Florio, Sicily, Italy

Oct 21, 2019

MtG: Vintage Izzet

"So you can cast a few spells? Am I supposed to be impressed?"
- Skyrim, guard dialogue


I got back into Magic: the Gathering a while ago with the Mind vs Might duel decks, which I thought were fun. So I figured that if I'm going to make some kind of deck for myself, I might as well base it on that. Therefore:

Izzet Mind 2.0

Creature (14)

Enigma Drake
Glorybringer
2 Goblin Electromancer
Jeskai Windscout
Jhessian Thief
Jori En, Ruin Diver
Monastery Swiftspear
Nivix Cyclops
Reef Pirates
Sanguinary Mage
Talrand, Sky Summoner
2 Young Pyromancer

Sorceries (12)

Beacon of Tomorrows
2 Empty the Warrens
Grapeshot
Pieces of the Puzzle
2 Pore Over the Pages
Pyroclasm
2 Rift Bolt
Rise from the Tides
Temporal Fissure

Instants (7)

Electrolyze
Magma Spray
Mystical Tutor
2 Savage Alliance
Snap
Thunderous Wrath

Artifacts (2)

Library of Leng
Primal Amulet

Enchantments (1)

Firemind's Research

Lands (24)

Desolate Lighthouse
2 Highland Lake
6 Island
6 Mountain
Mystic Monastery
Rogue's Passage
Sand Silos
Smoldering Spires
Snow-Covered Island
Snow-Covered Mountain
Soaring Seacliff
Temple of Epiphany
Temple of the False God

Sideboard

Electrostatic Field
Hypothesizzle
Ionize
Mission Briefing
Psychic Transfer

**

Somewhat to my surprise, this deck is only legal in Vintage, because it includes Mystical Tutor.


In general, I've tried to go for creatures with Prowess or some other ability linked to instants and sorceries; spells that are either cheap or come with untapping lands or card draw; and just generally what I consider beautiful cards that at least somewhat fit the theme. I also have a Snow-Covered Mountain, because, well, I have one from back in the day. Rogue's Passage and Glorybringer won me more games than I can easily count in Magic Duels, so how was I supposed to not bring them? So you see that this isn't exactly a ruthlessly efficient deck-building philosophy.

**



The first time, I couldn't find any lands, and ended up being seriously outnumbered. I did get to use Pyroclasm to wipe everyone out, but I lost in fairly short order. It's hard to claw back an early disadvantage!

Next time, I did better. I managed to get off enough spells for a horde of zombies with Rise from the Tides and to transform Primal Amulet, for an even bigger horde of goblins from Empty the Warrens, which did the trick in the end.


**

So, what have I learned? First, that I feel my deckbuilding kind of succeeded, because I managed to keep the key property of the Mind deck: it mostly just straight up loses, except when you can tee up a proper combo with your instants and sorceries. I'm unreasonably delighted by this. More importantly, it reminded me that playing Magic can be very good fun.

Oct 14, 2019

Warhammer 40,000: Tankhammer

Our first forays into Warhammer 40,000 last year were infantry affairs, mostly because that's what I had on hand or easily available, but also because our Rogue Trader tabletop campaign characters who were involved in the Ignatian rebellion mostly fought on foot. I decided we should try something different.

**

Our Marines already had a Whirlwind and a Vindicator, so building them up into a vehicular spearhead detachment was easy with a Predator. It turns out that while I've painted my Marines in Basalt Grey, which is the closest match to Citadel's old Codex Grey, the vehicles are considerably lighter. It's either some Miniature Paints light grey - there's a brand name from a time before search engine optimization! - or Vallejo Neutral Grey, which is the closest match I could find.


With the addition of the Predator, the Marines make a spearhead detachment consisting of a Tech-Marine, Predator, Vindicator and Whirlwind, which clocks in at 469 points. As it happens, adding the three Armiger Helverins I made earlier adds up to just shy of a thousand points, so that's an army as far as we're concerned!


**

I had earlier bought a Start Collecting Blood Angels box because it was a cheap way to get the Terminator Captain I used to make my 28mm Captain Phasma. It also came with a Baal Predator, and combining that kit with a Chaos Predator created the loyalist Predator above, as well as this lovely Hellforged Predator:


I wanted a Predator with a twin lascannon because I was a little nervous about all the Imperial armor, and the Baal kit's heavy flamers seemed like an obvious complement to the Hellforged Predator's close combat ability - although that's not likely to see much use against an army with exactly one model on foot! Also, for some reason the Hellforged Predator is an Elite choice, which means a vanguard detachment is indicated. The rules for Dark Apostles changed with the Vigilus supplement, so I'm going to bring mine as a HQ choice so I can try out the new prayers.

I also bought an ancient Space Crusade Chaos Dreadnought online on a whim, and it's an elite choice as well!


To round out the vanguard detachment, I'm bringing my Berzerkers; I'm interested in seeing what they can get done against armor. That makes a vanguard detachment worth 510 points.

Since the other side has tanks and Armigers, what can the Ruinous Powers pit against them? I'm thinking Chaos Knights; specifically, these two War Dogs.


I've named them Meridia and Namira, and I can't wait to see how they do on the battlefield. At 174 points each, they're a 348-point auxiliary super-heavy detachment, meaning we're left with about 150 points to use. As it happens, I bought a copy of the Wrath and Rapture set when it came out, and last summer, when it was way too hot to sleep, I started assembling the Bloodcrushers, and I absolutely love the Juggernauts. So seeing as how I'm playing Word Bearers, why not try some demon summoning? I'm leaving the last 150 or so points as reinforcement points, which just so happens to be enough to summon these guys.

So in total, what we've got is two approximately 1 000 -point armies made up of models we want to try on the battlefield. I have no idea what's going to happen.


**

We set up my old Necromunda terrain at the summer cottage, and decided to play the Only War scenario again; we rolled Domination for the primary objective, meaning we'd be scoring victory points for holding objectives.


The objectives were set up in the graveyard in the center of the board, on the bridge next to it and in some of the ruins next to the end of the river. My opponent chose that side to deploy on, leaving me to charge up the direction of the river. Our starting deployments are below:


The Imperial side went first and shot the shit out of my guys. General Hopps selected Renegade Armiger Namira as her Duty of the Forsworn target and promptly led her Helverins to shoot it to pieces; I had to use a command point to stop it from exploding and taking half my army with it! Under this withering fire, there was obviously no way out except forward. With Whirlwind rockets bursting among them, the Berzerkers and Dreadnought charged into the cemetery to secure the objective there. Renegade Armiger Meridia strode ahead to avenge her fallen sister, and on my left, Hellforged Predator Boethiath barreled toward General Hopps' Armiger Helverin.


Our shooting put a bit of a dent into the enemy, but failed to knock anyone out. My Predator failed its charge at General Hopps, and was very lucky to not take any damage from the overwatch; Meridia, however, managed to damage the Predator and succesfully charged the Vindicator, very nearly destroying the Space Marine tank with its chain-cleaver. Victory points at the end of Turn 1 stood at Imperium 2, Chaos 1.

The Imperial side's second turn shooting wasn't as destructive, damaging my Predator and remaining Armiger while the Vindicator fell back, and the Whirlwind knocked out two of my Berzerkers. On my turn, my Predator made full speed for General Hopps, this time doing some shooting damage and succeeding in the charge; Renegade Armiger Meridia likewise charged the damaged Predator and destroyed it. My Berzerkers reached the Armiger holding the objective and made it into close combat with it, with my Dreadnought holding the objective in the cemetery. I now had more models in range of the central objective, bringing victory points to a 3-3 tie.

The third Imperial turn opened with General Hopps falling back into the ruins at the edge of the battlefield, and the unengaged Helverin destroying Renegade Armiger Meridia. Meanwhile, my Berzerker Champion brought down the Helverin with his power fist after it stomped one of his comrades, and the Berzerkers consolidated into combat with the Vindicator.


With only a couple of turns to go, I decided it was high time to drop a command point on Dark Pact and summon the Bloodcrushers! The Dark Apostle's daemonic ritual was succesful, and three Juggernauts ripped their way into reality and grabbed the objective on the bridge. My Dreadnought turned its guns on General Hopps' Helverin, but failed to damage it, while the Predator barely damaged the loyalist Whirlwind with its lascannon, and failed to roast General Hopps with its heavy flamers. Our shooting was miserable, but at least the Berzerkers wrecked the Vindicator, losing one of their number beneath its crushing tracks and consolidating into the loyalist Tech-Marine who had been trying to repair it.


By turn four, the battle was concentrating on the ruined water still at the head of the river. The Whirlwind fired a barrage at the Juggernauts, knocking one of them out, and General Hopps blasted my Predator to within an inch of its life. In a desperate bid for victory points, the Tech-Marine disengaged from the two remaining Berzerkers and sprinted for the objective in the central ruins.


On my second-to-last turn, it was becoming clear that we were heading for a Khornate finale, so after my shooting was, once again, indecisive, I started charging: the Bloodcrushers stampeded into General Hopps, the Berzerkers charged the other Helverin, and my Dark Apostle took matters into her own hands and charged the Tech-Marine. She quickly overpowered the loyalist scum, grabbing the objective and sealing the win on victory points for Chaos. However, on the next turn, a point-blank salvo from the Whirlwind destroyed my Hellforged Predator!


While General Hopps defeated one of the Bloodcrushers in close combat, the Berzerkers toppled the other remaining Helverin, losing their icon bearer in the process. My Dark Apostle charged General Hopps, bringing down the Armiger with her Cursed Crozius and ending the ferocious battle for the water still in a Chaos victory - barely!


With the Whirlwind still in play, the Imperial forces weren't eliminated, but I won on victory points.

**

It was a fun game with plenty of drama! So, what did we learn?

First of all, the Helverins are terrifying against vehicles. 4D3 shots and Damage 3 is a hell of a combination against anything with lots of wounds; they knocked out one Renegade Armiger in their first shooting phase, and I was actually shocked my Predator survived as long as it did. I'm considering getting some for myself! Or renegades and heretics lascannon teams. Or both. The Hawkshroud doctrine meant that the damned things only stopped firing effectively once we literally took them apart in close combat.

Because of the murderous Helverins, I barely got to try my own Armigers at all, but what little they managed was encouraging: Renegade Armiger Meridia nearly destroyed a Vindicator and blew up a Predator before being gunned down. They also tanked a lot of fire before going down, which let my Berzerkers get into close quarters, where they were, once again, absolutely excellent. This game was a pretty good reminder that eighth edition is really all about volume, in both shooting and close combat, and Berzerkers with chainswords definitely bring volume! Last time, they chewed through a blob of conscripts; this time, they smashed a tank and two Armigers, with the champion and his power fist in the lead role. I am never fielding a Chaos Marine army without them. In fact, I should maybe make a couple more - and definitely finish painting them...

This was also the first post-Vigilus outing for my Dark Apostle. In retrospect, it's obvious I should've picked Benediction of Darkness as my prayer, which might have stopped at least some of the horrible mauling we took on the first turn - although of course it wouldn't have helped my Armigers. I was very pleasantly surprised with how killy my Apostle was at close quarters, but she again struggled to keep up with the Berzerkers. Summoning daemons only makes the problem worse! But I still like the Apostle, and they, of course, remain the only impeccably fluffy warlord choice for Word Bearers. I'm going to model some Dark Disciples to boost her prayers.

The Bloodcrushers didn't really do much; then again, fighting Armigers is hardly their forte, and they did tie up General Hopps until my Dark Apostle delivered the killing blow. My Dreadnought seemed cursed, as I don't think it actually damaged anything, but at least it managed to sit on an objective and net me some victory points. The Hellforged Predator was also slightly out of its element; it would have been nice to see how it does with some infantry to broil and eat. The twin lascannon felt finicky and unreliable compared to the terrifying damage output of the Helverins.

On the Imperial side, the Vindicator didn't really get anything done, probably mostly due to bad luck, but my venerable Whirlwind was surprisingly effective, bagging several Berzerkers, a Juggernaut and even a Predator! I'm tempted to paint a kill marking on it for that last one. The Helverins' surprisingly murderous effectiveness was already noted, and unfortunately I'm told that I'll be seeing more of them in the future...

**

To sum up, Warhammer is genuinely fun. I was very happy to try out some of the new units, and for next summer, I'm planning to expand our table so that we can field 2 000 point armies. So we'll be back!

Oct 7, 2019

Let's Read Tolkien 61: Shelob's Lair

It may indeed have been daytime now, as Gollum said, but the hobbits could see little difference, unless, perhaps, the heavy sky above was less utterly black, more like a great roof of smoke; while instead of the darkness of deep night, which lingered still in cracks and holes, a grey blurring shadow shrouded the stony world about them.

**

Gollum leads Frodo and Sam deeper into the Ephel Dúath, and into a horrible-smelling cave, where he vanishes. It quickly becomes obvious that this is a trap, but Sam remembers the phial of Galadriel. Its light reveals two monstrous eyes, and Frodo has a Bilbo moment when he draws his sword and actually advances on the eyes. They withdraw, and the hobbits manage to escape the tunnels. To no avail: the giant spider Shelob, whose lair Gollum had led the hobbits to, ambushes Frodo outside. As Sam tries to help his master, Gollum attacks him. Sam drives Gollum off, but is too late to help Frodo; the chapter closes with Sam running desperately toward where he saw Shelob attack him.

**

It's spiders again; Bilbo met them in Mirkwood, although that was a lot less terrifying, and now his heir also has a spider experience.

This is a fairly straightforward action chapter, and I think it's worth pointing out that it's quite well written. The foulness of the spider's lair is palpable, and Tolkien doesn't just get away with dropping a fairly hefty block of exposition in the middle of the hobbits' flight from Shelob, but it enhances the sense of horror: this isn't just some random monster, but an evil from ancient times who's been here longer than Sauron.

Thinking back to the Watcher in the Water outside Moria, and indeed even Gollum in the goblins' caves in the Misty Mountains, maybe it's a common habit of bad guys in Middle-earth to have monsters hang around the vicinity of their lair. This would support the idea that the Sirrion was dammed and the Watcher somehow coerced up from whatever depths of Moria it was from by the Balrog, or maybe even the orcs themselves. Saruman didn't have a monster at Isengard, which just shows what a newbie he was at this evil overlord thing.

Bizarrely, Middle-earth: Shadow of War saw fit to depict Shelob as a beautiful woman, which is moderately difficult to understand after re-reading this chapter.

Next time: Sam meets some orcs.

Sep 30, 2019

CKII: Eadfrith the Cathar

Last time, the Mercian empire went through a sequence of short-lived queens until Emperor Eadfrith the Great (1173- took the throne, nominally on the death of his mother in childbirth, and for real when he came of age. He got things started with moving the capital to Damietta.


Once the court was established there, my court chaplain discovered he was really into a heresy called Catharism. Finally, a chance to try running a secret cult! Sadly, as I've understood it, you can only ever belong to one secret society at a time, but then again, the Mercian hermetic tradition was broken during the Interregnum, so what the hell. Besides, Mercia is the largest Catholic realm in the world, so if I could flip at least a large part of it, we might be on our way to supplanting Catholicism altogether. It's a long shot, but hey, we'll see.


Meanwhile, Eadfrith became King of Norway.


Unfortunately, he also became insane and appointed his horse chancellor. It's the syphilis ("Great Pox"), I'm afraid.


**

At this point, I took a longish break from the game, for life reasons, but also because if I'm honest, running a secret cult turned out to be kind of boring. The first problem is that you can only belong to one secret organization at a time, which is a real shame, because it means I had to give up Hermeticism to become a Cathar. The bigger problem is that there's not a whole lot of interesting things to do as a Cathar. Now, I'd love to be able to convert my entire realm to Catharism and achieve full gender equality, but the way you go about it is occasionally sponsoring a secret community in a province, or trying to recruit a character. Neither of these is very interesting in itself, and being a secret cultist gives your character stress. When you combine the stat loss from giving up the hermetic grimoires, it's just a bad deal in pursuit of an outcome that may never happen, and like I said, is boring.

I'm bummed about this because it would have been really awesome to kick out the pope and replace him with a Cathar woman, but unfortunately I'll have to try that some other time. The paradox of a secret cult seems to be that converting a smaller realm is easier, but then that leaves you a potential victim of your more orthodox neighbors; converting a larger realm is just dull and time-consuming.

On a broader note, since I graduated I simply haven't had the time to immerse myself in Crusader Kings any more, and with several new DLCs and lots of minor updates out since I last played, I'm afraid I don't think returning to this game feels like a good idea. I think I need a completely new campaign to figure out how everything works again! I'm fondly dreaming of getting the kind of 9-to-5 job that would let me do some proper gaming, but I'm really not sure if those actually exist any more.

Still, building Mercia on the Nile was great fun, and I'm happy I did it. I'm also vaguely interested in the board game, although the reviews have been kind of mediocre. Anyway, Crusader Kings 2 is an amazing game, and I wish I had more time to play it.

Sep 23, 2019

Warhammer 40,000: Zootopia's finest

This is a slightly strange story that starts with a wedding. We were invited to attend the wedding of two of our very dear friends last summer, and the dress code was "legendary", with a strong suggestion of cosplay or at least costume. We ended up going with a Star Wars theme; my partner wanted to go as Revan, and I'd always quite fancied an Imperial officer's uniform. I think we did a decent job of it; here's a picture.

I bought the uniform from an online store, who assured me that it was up to 501st Legion standards, and I believe it was! But when I searched their online store with the term "imperial officer", I got a whole bunch of Star Wars uniforms - and an Officer Hopps cosplay from Zootopia.


Now, we love Disney movies in this household, and Zootopia is an especially delightful one. Also, if you think about it, it makes perfect sense if Zootopia belongs to the Imperium. You'd think that population counter in Bunnyburrow would lead to big problems - unless they regularly ship a regiment of rabbits out to the Imperial Guard. I mean there must be stranger abhumans out there, you'd think.


Since I'd already used Eureka Miniatures rabbit samurai for my Stormbun Eternals, it wasn't much of a stretch to try bringing them over to Warhammer 40,000 as well. Here's a Chirikov Rad-Guards Scout Sentinel, being piloted by one of Zootopia's finest.


I am very happy with this model. The cockpit section is Dark Red, with the inside and some of the panels in Red; the legs are Red and Gunmetal Gray, washed with watered-down Black Glaze, which I think worked excellently.

**

Of course, I didn't stop there. To return to Star Wars for a moment, I've already used several models from Fantasy Flight's Star Wars: Imperial Assault in 40k, and I was wondering whether their AT-STs could be used as Sentinels. I bought a copy of the General Weiss Villain Pack to find out, because not only are AT-STs cool, but at a measly 20€ at our friendly local board game store, they're cheaper than Sentinels!


Also quite a bit bigger, it turns out. But if they're cheaper than Sentinels, then they're a lot cheaper than Armiger Helverins. The crew compartment is in Light Grey, with the metal bits on the guns in Gunmetal Grey. I wanted to make the legs a bit darker so I did what I did with Star Wars: Rebellion and painted them in Dark Seagreen. That came out a little bit too dark for my taste, so I painted some of the raised bits London Grey.

For the command Armiger, I found I had exactly one metal aquila left over from another project, so I stuck it on the front. I then sawed off General Weiss's head, replaced it with an Eureka rabbit's, and behold: General Hopps.


Delightfully, all three AT-STs I mean Armigers, pictured here mid-painting, fit perfectly into a Feldherr 90mm raster foam tray, with room to spare.


I really can't recommend Feldherr enough. Here's the finished squadron:


We've decided to run them as House Hawkshroud, although I'm thinking I'll name them the Loyal Zootopian Lancers.

**

I'll be honest: of all the conversions I've ever done, the Sentinel and General Hopps are right up there with Rebellion Captain Phasma as the models I'm most proud of. These are all fairly simple conversions, painted to, well, my ability; but I couldn't be happier with them.

Sep 16, 2019

Finnish army anti-tank guns in the Winter War

The unsuccesful Soviet invasion of Finland in 1939-40, known in Finnish as the Winter War, is one of the more famous conflicts in military history. An especially iconic image of the war that encapsulates the popular notion of the desperate Finnish underdog is Finnish soldiers trying to stop enemy armor with improvised anti-tank weapons. After all, by all accounts the Molotov cocktail got its name in Finland during the war, and stuffing cloth down the neck of a bottle of flammable alcohol was one of the most effective anti-tank measures available to Finnish infantry units; the other methods, like jamming a log into an enemy tank's running gear, were if anything more suicidal.

Why was the Finnish army so ill-prepared for the Soviet armored threat? The core reason is what I talked about in my thesis: Finnish officers wrongly believed that armored forces couldn't operate in Finnish terrain. But even after this belief was dispelled, the army still failed to acquire anything like sufficient quantities of anti-tank weapons. I explain why in my latest peer-reviewed article, which is also my first publication in English, in Tekniikan Waiheita, available online here.

**

Also, just to celebrate this article, here's a Warlord Games 28mm model of the 37 PstK 36 that the Finnish army failed to procure in proper numbers.


I took the advice of the Warlord Finnish paint set, and painted the uniforms in Medium Sea Grey, with Chocolate Brown accessories. You may notice I've taken an ahistorical liberty by giving the gunner a Statuesque Miniatures head, complete with a later Finnish armored brigade beret. We still wore second world war-esque greys when I was (very briefly) in the military, and I thought they looked very smart with the black beret! These days it's all camo all the time. The gun is in Luftwaffe Camo Green, which is somewhat darker than it should be, but I like it.


Since I mostly intend to use this model in Warhammer 40,000, as a Rachkoi-pattern lascannon, I've also omitted the third crewmember. Where are they, you may ask?


Fraternizing with the enemy at a Blood Bowl game!