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Dec 28, 2020

Blood Bowl: Turboleague 2020 results

We have now conducted what technically counts as our first season under the new Turboleague rules! We've played exactly one game, a wildly entertaining 1-1 tie between my Sheogorad Saints and the RagnaRock Ravens; we might have tried for more, but alas, the pandemic measures tightened for December and this was all we could do. On the strength of that game, the Ravens win the Turboleague: tied with the Saints on points and touchdowns, the next tiebreaker is casualties, where they lead 2-0. This makes the RagnaRock Ravens our 2020 Hellbird Turbocup champions!

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League table

RagnaRock Ravens (Norse) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 2-0, 2, 1, 0, 0
Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 0-2, 0, 1, 0, 0

Touchdowns:

Irileth Targaryen (Saints): 1
Leifur Eriksson (Ravens): 1

Casualties:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Fatalities:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Completions:

Endroni Dalas (Saints): 1
Harald Hårdare (Ravens): 1

**

Previous Hellbird Turbocup champions:

2012: Braga's Brutes (Orc)

Previous season final league table: [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, interceptions, sacks]

Braga's Brutes (Orc) (5-1-0) 15 pts, 14-3, 7-2, 1, 3, 0, 7-2
Tor Achare Titans (High Elf) (3-3-0) 9 pts, 5-8, 9-3, 0, 17, 1, 6-6
Blood River Buccaneers (Dark Elf) (3-3-0) 9 pts, 8-6, 5-10, 1, 10, 0, 10-5
RagnaRock Ravens (Norse) (2-3-0) 6 pts, 4-7, 6-8, 0, 3, 0, 4-3
3rd Street Mütants (Chaos) (1-1-1) 4 pts, 2-3, 3-3, 0, 0, 0, 2-6
Tlaxtlan Warriors (Lizardmen) (1-0-0) 3 pts, 1-0, 0-2, 0, 0, 3-1
Mephala's Murderers (Dark Elf) (0-3-1) 1 pts, 2-8, 1-8, 0, 8, 0, 3-3

Most touchdowns:

2012: Finrod Angamaitë (Tor Achare Titans), Grab da Bol (Braga's Brutes), Grambad (Brutes), Leifur Eriksson (RagnaRock Ravens), Slib'ry Ands (Brutes), Solana Spikeheel (Blood River Buccaneers): 3

Most casualties:

2012: Teclis Turukáno (Tor Achare Titans): 5

Most fatalities:

2012: Athlan Icecold (Blood River Buccaneers), Galhag (Braga's Brutes), Gatgor (3rd Street Mütants): 1

Most interceptions:

2012: Finrod Angamaitë (Titans): 1

Most completions:

2012: Beleg Strongarm (Titans): 6

Bowl winners:

2012 Skogen Mörke Dimmubowl: RagnaRock Ravens
2012 War Ina Babylon: Chaos (3rd Street Mütants)
2012 Antares Autobowl: Braga's Brutes

**

All-time team records, converted to current Turboleague format

Braga's Brutes (Orc) (5-1-0) 21 pts
Tor Achare Titans (High Elf) (3-3-0) 15 pts
Blood River Buccaneers (Dark Elf) (3-3-0) 15 pts
RagnaRock Ravens (Norse) (2-3-1) 13 pts
3rd Street Mütants (Chaos) (1-1-1) 7 pts
Mephala's Murderers (Dark Elf) (0-3-1) 5 pts
Tlaxtlan Warriors (Lizardmen) (1-0-0) 4 pts
Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (0-0-1) 2 pts

Dec 21, 2020

End-of-year: 2020

It feels so weird to think that last December, when I wrote my previous year-end blog post, nobody had any notion of a pandemic, and I just complained about Warhammer. In March, the coronavirus really started to hit, and my teaching for the rest of the spring was cancelled. We eventually got the virus sort of under control, and I was able to do some teaching (with appropriate precautions), until we got into the second wave and I was back distance-teaching over Zoom again.

I did a couple of pandemic diary entries on this blag, but I couldn't be bothered to write one for September, and then decided I might as well do the November one here. There really hasn't been that much to tell, to be honest. We've mostly been keeping to ourselves; our entire social and board-gaming life is on hold, we wear our masks, and are incredulous at the constant bullshit some people keep coming up with to complain about the restrictions. We're very lucky and privileged to be able to live this normally, but I can't wait for this shit to be over.

One of the most striking things that's happened throughout has been far too many people showing their true colors, so to speak. People on the social media have just come up with the most ridiculous nonsense, from sharing whiny posts by superrich promoters angry they can't make even more money to, sadly, totally irresponsible corona trutherism. The end of the year is sort of crystallized for me in a moment from November, when cases were going up dramatically and new restrictions were coming into force. I was having two simultaneous but separate conversations on a messaging app. One was with a person who was very irate that bars were being closed and gigs were being cancelled. The other was with a friend who hadn't been able to spend time with their dying father because of the pandemic. He sadly passed away while the visiting restrictions at the hospital were necessarily draconian, so his family could only be there for brief moments.

I really cannot bring myself to shed any tears for the nightclub owners. You read some of the stuff our event industry puts out, you'd think that the pandemic was something the government invented to make their lives miserable. The selfishness is astounding.

But even more than that, it has at times been unfortunately enlightening to see who can deal like an adult with having to tenporarily restrict your behavior to protect other people. Like I've said before, we are a nation with a permanent hardon for "exceptional circumstances": our nationalism is thoroughly militaristic and dominated by fantasies of past and future wars. And then when people brought up in this culture suffused with imagining collective hardship actually encounter a real-life situation that calls for the virtues that we, as a people, supposedly cultivate, they panic-buy all the toilet paper and peanut butter, and throw a tantrum when someone asks them to wear a simple facemask.

Turns out a pandemic is a hell of a mirror.

**

On to more frivolous things. I already complained about Warhammer last year, but it's only gotten worse since. I talked about Chaos Marines then, but I think it's the loyalists who really underline how absurd 40k is right now.

The first Space Marine codex for 8th edition came out in July 2017. Fairly shortly, they came out with codexes for the Blood Angels, Dark Angels, Space Wolves and so on as well, which referred back to the vanilla Marine codex. The campaign book Vigilus Defiant came out at the end of 2018, and it had specialist detachment and other rules for Marines. At least some of these rules were then incorporated in the second eighth edition Marine codex, which came out in August 2019. It was shortly followed by the Psychic Awakening book Faith and Fury, which revamped rules for Marine Chaplains and came with a bunch of other stuff as well, and the previous single Chapter codexes were replaced with a line of Codex supplements. Until, of course, 9th edition came along, and the very first codex to be announced was Codex: Space Marines, coming out in 2020.

So from 2017 to 2020, i.e. four years, there have been three Space Marine codexes, two sets of supplementary codexes, and two campaign books with Space Marine rules. This is completely ridiculous. I'm a collector more than a player anyway; the only reason I'm really interested in the rules is because I like the units I build to make at least a little bit of sense. But frankly, at this point the investment required to keep up with the constantly changing rules is way too big. So I'm sticking with eighth edition for the time being.

**

Obviously the pandemic put a stop to all our boardgaming activities; when the best way to catch the virus is in confined spaces with lots of talking, gaming is definitely out. So instead we've been playing Here I Stand by email; we started in March, and the game is currently in its third turn (!). Frankly, at this point we can hope that the pandemic will end before the game does, and we can finish it live! However, with next to no social contacts in real life, the email game has been a blessing, and I think I like play-by-email enough to want to do more of it. I'm very grateful to everyone who's participated.

I also managed to play a game of Blood Bowl, and with our Turboleague rules, that's enough for a season! So for the first time since 2012, we have a Turboleague champion. I'm hoping I can keep playing at least one game of Blood Bowl every year - and maybe even win the league one of these days!

**

Finally in hobby matters, I want to return to the sort-of New Year's resolution I made last year, to finish modelling projects before starting new ones. I feel like it's been working for me. Hell, I even managed to finish the project that got this whole Warhammer-and-whatnot spree started in the first place. I also made some Renegades and Heretics infantry and tanks, a whole detachment of Adeptus Custodes, and decided to not collect a Sisters of Battle army. It's felt really good. I've still got quite a few unfinished projects lying around, and in pursuit of this notion of finishing things, I've decided to make an additional resolution: in 2021, I'm not buying any new models unless they're part of a project that I already started. So I'm going to stay on the lookout for new figures for my Blood Bowl stands, for instance, but I'm really going to focus on getting stuff done.

Since my several jobs are all academic and mostly social, I've been very grateful to have a hobby where I can work with my hands. It' very therapeutical to concentrate on building or painting something physical and tactile. Next year, I hope to get started on building a proper-sized game board and terrain, just in case we ever actually get to play something again.

I'm also very pleased to say that we managed all of a single session of Cyberpunk 2020 this year! Our Rogue Trader campaign is still ongoing, but because it was 2020 we thought we'd roll up a couple of characters just for the fun of it. We played one ex tempore session before the pandemic. I really can't wait for things to get back to something lile normal again.

**

So that was the hobby and pandemic year of 2020. In personal terms, it's now been two years since I quit my PhD. I'm still angry and bitter about the conditions that led to my decision, but I couldn't be happier that I made it. Sure, any kind of financial security or even quasi-semi-permanent employment is nowhere to be found, but at least I now have several years of actual teaching experience that I've gotten paid for, and quite frankly, based on the feedback I've gotten, I'm good at it. This coming spring, I'll be teaching high school history to people applying to study business, and lecturing on the history of heavy metal and the environment - in separate courses! Conditions permitting, I'll probably be giving my first lecture on Tolkien and theology next fall, but it isn't official yet.

To give you an idea of what it's like to be a teacher in Finland, this past year I've worked for seven different employers, and I'm not really making anything like enough money to actually support myself. All that talk about how teachers are supposedly valued and well-paid in this country is, frankly, complete bullshit.

However, this is the trade I have, and I'm going to see if I can make something of it. It's not like switching careers to IT seems to be possible. It's worth reminding myself that when I started this blag in 2007, an unimaginable thirteen years ago, I had no job, no degrees and no notion of any kind of future for myself. Now, several shall we say interesting years and a prison sentence later, I have a university degree, several peer-reviewed papers to my name, a professional certification, and I'm good at my job. Back in 2007, any one of these things would have seemed unimaginable. Life in 2020 is so strange and precarious that it's easy to feel like nothing matters, so I think it's worthwhile to remind oneself that we've come a ways.

On that note, I'd like to wish the three people who read my blog a very happy holiday season, and an excellent new year. I hope we all stay healthy and take a few steps forward next year as well.

Dec 14, 2020

Warhammer 40,000: Heretic tankery

Earlier, I built a Renegades and Heretics vanguard detachment to give my Chaos army some anti-tank and sniper options. Another time-honored way of fighting tanks is with other tanks. This didn't use to be what tanks were for, and it still represents a misuse of armor today, but in Warhammer 40,000 it makes a lot of sense. Renegades and Heretics get to pick from a delightfully long list of Imperial vehicles, from Basilisks to Macharius super-heavies. I could have Leman Russes, but I kinda want to do something more exotic. As it happens, I've been building some 28mm Warlord Games World War II tanks, mostly for fun but also with a view to possibly using them in 40k. I've been making German tanks for the Imperial army, so Soviet ones seem appropriate for Chaos! I've also been daydreaming about Warlord's KV Platoon box for a while now, so maybe...

While I was finishing up these models, GW dumped the entire army in Legends! That kinda seals the deal for me: I'm sticking with 8th.

**

If we're going to be using tanks like the Panzer IV as Leman Russes, the KVs need to be something bigger. So they'd be perfect as Malcador heavy tanks, presumably named after Malcador the Sigillite and therefore very theological, which I like. The KV-1 seems like it would work quite nicely as a basic Malcador.

To stay with the anti-tank theme, I wanted my Kirov pattern Malcador to have a hull-mounted lascannon instead of the heavy bolter. However, that brings up the scale problem. While GW minis are theoretically 28mm scale, they're actually a lot bulkier (hence "heroic" 28mm), and especially the weapons and vehicles feel like they're a lot bigger. Even though the KVs were massive tanks, a GW lascannon on one would look absolutely ludicrous. So I decided to use Anvil's portable phase cannon as a lascannon substitute, and simply cut a firing port for it in the front armor. I think it worked out quite nicely!


Here's the finished article in orange! By the way, I found the Imperial Guard camo schemes that inspired these orange vehicles in White Dwarf 143, and I can now confirm that Fiery Orange is an official Imperial camouflage color straight out of the Codex Astartes.


So the basic Malcador is really just a bigger Leman Russ. Sadly, Renegades and Heretics don't get the dedicated anti-tank variant, but they do get the Malcador Defender. And that's really something. The Defender comes with a demolisher cannon and seven (yes, seven: 7) heavy bolters, and a +1 to hit when firing Overwatch. With 21 heavy bolter shots and the demolisher, I simply cannot imagine who would ever charge this vehicle. It's so completely mad that I have to have one. Even if I swap the two sponson heavy bolters for lascannons, this thing still has a monstrous five heavy bolters. So far, my experiences with eighth edition 40k have lead me to believe that more is definitely more. So I am very proud to present a Warlord Games KV-2 in its new life as a Renegades and Heretics Kirov pattern Malcador Defender.


I may have been reading Tank Girl at the time.


Still, though, this is the best vehicle model I've ever built. The turret has two heavy bolters left over from an old-style Immolator on the sides, and a turret ring and mount for two Anvil phase cannons that I built from copper wire and green stuff.


The various spikes and chains are from the Chaos vehicle upgrade sprue that was left over from the Hellforged Predator I built earlier. The crew and enthusiastic hangers-on are Daemonettes and a Seeker from the Wrath and Rapture box, variously outfitted with Victoria Miniatures arms, and a Bren and Kalashnikov from the same company.

**

Frankly, I'm so proud of my Malcador Defender that I'm going to have to field it at least once. My original idea was to add the two KVs to my vanguard detachment, but then Scythe happened. For those who aren't familiar with it, Scythe is a fun board game set in an alternate history 1920s Central Europe with mechs in it. I had a great time painting the mech miniatures, and it left me wanting to build mechs in 28mm scale. So I ordered a Soviet Mastadon heavy walker (sp) from Warlord Games' Konflikt '47 range, and I love it.


It's a beautiful model! I strongly recommend getting one, and I am absolutely buying more of their walkers. I was thinking about fielding this as a Malcador as well, but it's a bit of a stretch to say that the KV-1 main gun and this monster are the same weapon. Since I think I'm going to want to field some Warlord walkers as Leman Russes on the Imperial side, I'm calling this a Kirov Leman Russ Vanquisher.


I'm also somewhat happy with how my Daedric turned out here.




So with three Heavy Support choices, all I need is an HQ to make a spearhead detachment. The cheap option would be another Renegade Commander, but I think we can do better. Now, we've already used Imperial Assault figures on both the Chaos and Imperial sides, and it just so happens I've got a Diala Passil model. I have no idea who she is, except that she's a Twi'lek Jedi; now she's a Renegades and Heretics Malefic Lord.


**

If I was being sensible, I'd be done here. But I like painting vehicles, and I like painting orange; so I got a SU-76M from Warlord Games as well. The crew are one of the original Warlord models with a Statuesque Miniatures head, and a female loader from Brother Vinni.


I tried to make the fighting compartment look suitably grimy before gluing the crew in.


And here's my first Chaos Basilisk, Kirov pattern of course.


**

This all adds up to a 868-point spearhead detachment:

Renegades and Heretics spearhead detachment (1 CP) - 866 points

HQ - Malefic Lord - 80 points

Heavy Support - Malcador Heavy Tank - 190 pts
+ battle cannon (22), lascannon (20), 2 × heavy stubber (4) = 236 points [316]

Heavy Support - Malcador Defender - 200 pts
+ demolisher cannon (20), 5 × heavy bolter (40), 2 × lascannon (30), heavy stubber (2), hunter-killer missile (6) = 298 points [614]

Heavy Support - Leman Russ Battle Tank - 107 pts
+ vanquisher battle cannon (15), lascannon (20), heavy stubber (2) = 144 points [758]

Heavy Support - Basilisk - 100 pts
+ Earthshaker cannon (0), heavy bolter (8) = 108 points [866]

**

I seem to have accidentally built a Renegades and Heretics army - just when GW decided to scrap it. I have no idea how they'd do on the battlefield, but I've had a great time building the models and painting them, and that's what I'm doing this for. I wish GW would do renegade Imperial Guard properly for once.

I highly recommend Warlord Games vehicles! They're excellent quality, fun to assemble and especially the hard plastic ones are top-notch.

Dec 7, 2020

Let's Read Tolkien 75: Mount Doom

Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lórien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear.

Frodo and Sam are in the ashen waste of Mordor, and their next stop is the Mountain of Fire. As they recover from their forced march, Sam works out that their provisions will last to Mount Doom, but no further. They're on a one-way trip, but Sam decides that if that's the way it is, then that's what they'll do. Before his steely resolution to die in Mordor, Sam commits the most appalling example of wishful thinking in the entire damn book.

"I can't think somehow that Gandalf would have sent Mr. Frodo on this errand, if there hadn't a' been any hope of his ever coming back at all," he thinks to himself. Can we just take a moment to remember that the original cause of this whole mess, so to speak, was Gandalf's decision to send Bilbo on a ludicrous dragon-hunt that frankly had no actual chance whatsoever of succeeding, not least because it included a crossing of Mirkwood that would have ended in the entire travelling circus troupe starving to death in Wilderland. So I find it very difficult to share Sam's faith in Gandalf's notions of logistics.

As the two hobbits make their way toward the Mountain, the land around them is empty: Sauron has concentrated his forces against Aragorn's army, including all the Nazgûl, who might conceivably have detected the Ring-bearer. To lighten their load, Frodo and Sam dump all their orc-gear and most of their other equipment, including Sam's cooking gear. Frodo wears only his elven-cloak, belted with a piece of rope: a monastic, almost Christ-like outfit, continuing the ascetic theme of the previous chapter. They trudge toward the Mountain, and when Frodo becomes too exhausted to go on, Sam carries him on his back for a while.

Soon thereafter, they strike the road that leads from the Dark Tower to Sammath Naur, the Chambers of Fire inside Mount Doom. As they crawl up the mountain, Gollum attacks Frodo, who manages to fight him off. Sam stays behind to fend off Gollum, but can't bring himself to kill the creature. Gollum slinks off, and Sam follows Frodo into the Mountain.

So here they finally are: Frodo and Sam have arrived at the Crack of Doom. Frodo, however, decides he's not going to destroy the Ring: he claims it for himself and puts it on. Sauron perceives this and gets a bit of a fright, and the Nazgûl are sent racing for the Mountain on their flying beasts. However, Gollum knocks Sam down and attacks Frodo. They struggle, and Gollum bites Frodo's ring-finger clean off, Ring and all. As he celebrates recovering his Precious, Gollum dances too close to the edge of the Crack, and falls in. The Ring is destroyed; Sam drags Frodo out as the Dark Tower falls and the Mountain begins to erupt.

**

I feel like it's an incredibly appropriate coincidence that my post on this chapter falls on December! I'm also a little bit shocked that Frodo and Sam made it to the end of the main quest in the third chapter of the last book.

The theme of Frodo as a Christ-figure is very explicit here: he suffers as he bears the Ring, his cross, toward the final destination. Along the way, Sam carries him for a while, as Simon of Cyrene carried Christ's cross, but Frodo makes the last leg on his own. You can argue that Sam was Simon twice: first when he bore the Ring when Frodo was captured, then again when he bore Frodo.

When I talked about Tolkien and allegory earlier, I mentioned Eärendil as one of Tolkien's Christ-characters. Obviously Frodo is another, but as with Eärendil, Frodo is not Christ, but prefigures him. Like Christ, Frodo suffers on his way to Golgotha and there makes a sacrifice to save mankind, but there are key differences. Unlike Eärendil, Frodo does not bridge the gap between humanity and God, and most crucially, Frodo is not himself divine.

A long, long time ago, I wrote that the Christian heresy Tolkien was most concerned with was Pelagianism. Pelagianism, at least as understood by Tolkien, holds that the original sin did not irrevocably corrupt human nature, and therefore, people can resist sin. This theme comes to its conclusion when Frodo fails his mission. Letters, 191:

No, Frodo "failed". It is possible that once the ring was destroyed he had little recollection of the last scene. But one must face the fact: the power of Evil in the world is not finally resistible by incarnate creatures, however "good"; and the Writer of the Story is not one of us.

Like I said earlier, if this was Harry Potter and the Ring of Power, none of this would be a problem: the Ring could be used at no risk, and even if it was somehow found to be dangerous, it could, in Shippey's words, be set aside - as the Deathly Hallows were in the miserable transphobe lady's books. In Tolkien's theology, the Ring is a Machine with a capital m (when not actually sin itself), and will therefore not only corrupt anyone using it, but cannot actually be defeated by human or hobbit agency. The original sin means that everyone, including Frodo, has fallen into sin, and therefore cannot, through their own will, triumph over it. So even though Frodo is a Christ-like figure who goes through an extensive ascesis, climbs the Mountain of Doom and is prepared to sacrifice everything to defeat evil, in the end he can't do it. If he could, Christ's sacrifice on the Cross, the event which Frodo's entire journey prefigures, would be meaningless: we wouldn't need him for anything, because we could simply decide to not sin. Because this would put us theology majors out of a job, it is unacceptable. Frodo's quest has to fail. Gollum has to be there to inadvertently finish the job.

Does that mean Frodo's suffering was in vain? Not really, because like Éowyn at the Pelennor, it's Frodo's efforts that make the eucatastrophe possible: if Frodo hadn't hauled the Ring all the way to the Mountain, Gollum couldn't have fallen into the volcano with it.

So was it divine intervention that pushed Gollum over the edge? And if it was, couldn't God then have come up with other interventions, like the one on Amon Hen, to get Frodo there? Is it vitally important for the future that Bilbo, or for that matter Frodo or Sam, didn't kill Gollum - or would god have stopped them, or come up with a different intervention in the Sammath Naur? This is the pointless philosophical hole theology digs itself into when you want both an omnipotent and benevolent god, and a meaningful role for human free will. For Tolkien, Frodo's choices and sacrifices did matter, even if in the end, he couldn't prevail.

But if you want to boil the whole Lord of the Rings down into one message, this is it: sin corrupts, and people can't defeat it on their own, without divine assistance.

**

Next time: a party.

Nov 16, 2020

Gladius: How I beat the game on Very Hard with Chaos

 I continue to thoroughly enjoy Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War, i.e. the best Warhammer video game of all time and one of my favorite 4X games ever. So far, the faction I've liked playing the most has been Chaos, and just before the Eldar DLC dropped, I managed to win as Chaos on Very Hard. This is how I did it.

**

First, a few words on the kinds of units you'll need. There are three main roles for Chaos units in the game.


For starters, you need units that can tank damage. To win at Gladius, you need to be able to destroy enemy cities. They, however, will tend to shoot back, and the enemy may also have units of their own. Similarly, when you need to defend your own cities, you want the enemy beating up on your units rather than the city.

Heroes, especially properly outfitted Chaos Lords, eventually become very, very good at this, and even regular Chaos Marines can do some tanking, but all infantry is very vulnerable in the open. That's why the real stars here are vehicles. Chaos Dreadnoughts ("Helbrutes" to some people with no respect for the old ways; I'm damn sure Lorgar didn't call them "Helbrutes"; this is Chaos, not some kind of anarchy where anything goes) can take a serious beating, especially if you have a Warpsmith handy to heal them. If you start in an ore-rich area, you should start building dreadnoughts as soon as possible, and keep at it until you can switch to Land Raiders and/or crabs. A line of dreads, anchored by a Chaos Lord and attended by a Warpsmith, can take a lot of punishment.

Remember that a unit that does nothing except absorb enemy fire or melee attacks is doing a valuable job! In the early game, it's often worth bringing cultists or spawn along to attack enemy cities; every enemy shot fired at them isn't hitting your important units. It feels to me like the AI disproportionately targets spawns, so use that to your advantage.


The second thing your units need to do is, obviously, deal damage. Dreadnoughts suffer from only having the reaper autocannon as their ranged attack, so a little fire support never goes awry. Havocs are amazing for this: with a range of 3, they can sit behind your characters or dreadnoughts and blast away. Remember that they're very vulnerable, though, and never leave them in the open if you can help it.

The stars of damage-dealing are undoubtedly Chaos Lords, especially once you get Exalted Strike. They can't win wars on their own, though, and can get swamped by even weak enemy units and worn down, so they need strong support. I haven't really found Berzerkers worthwhile, even though I love them in the tabletop game; they don't really do enough damage and are quite vulnerable to enemy fire. The same goes for Warp Talons, and both they and Berzerkers suffer from competing for the same resources and build slots as Havocs, and usually I'd rather have the Havocs. Obliterators are very strong, but surprisingly vulnerable in open terrain.

Similarly, I'm not that impressed with Maulerfiends, whose special ability against fortifications is a bit niche, or Venomcrawlers, because again, they compete with dreads, and later with Land Raiders and Defilers. So I keep ending up with Dreadnoughts and Havocs.


The third area Chaos needs is flyers. The AI likes building flyers, and for good reason: they tend to be shooty, tough, and obviously they ignore terrain, making it easy to concentrate their fire wherever it's needed. I expect anyone who's played on bigger maps and/or higher difficulty levels will have encountered the Ork Dakkajet swarms, and suffered at their hands.

Chaos has no dedicated anti-aircraft units, and is more reliant on melee than most other armies, so enemy flyers, especially in large numbers, are a serious problem. Another strike against Maulerfiends is that they're helpless against enemy aircraft! Leveled Havocs can drop individual flyers out of the sky, but a strong enemy ground force with good air support is the toughest opposition you will face as a Chaos player, and if you're not prepared for it, you're very likely to lose.

The only real answer is Heldrakes, so researching them becomes a priority, especially on Medium and bigger maps. Heldrakes are tough, but can be vulnerable at lower levels; ideally, you should try to get them leveled up by having them participate in fighting in a limited way, but both when doing this and defending against enemy flyers, take care that they don't get cut off from the rest of your forces and surrounded, because they will be destroyed if mishandled.

Heldrakes also require a lot of energy to build and maintain, so that's also something to invest in in the early game, if possible.


The army I won with on very hard was Dreadnoughts, a Chaos Lord, Warpsmith and Master of Possessions, backed up with some Havocs, a swarm of Heldrakes and as many Land Raiders and Obliterators as I could get. The real stars were the Dreadnoughts and Warpsmith, but the Heldrakes also start getting quite scary as they level up.


**

So how do you build this army? In the game I won on very hard, I only had two cities on a Small map. Chaos can potentially expand very quickly, but you don't need to. My thinking tends to be that cities either provide access to a resource I need or form a strongpoint for defense. If my starting location is lacking a resource, it's usually worthwhile to found a city somewhere where that resource can be found - assuming you can defend it. My priorities on city placement are access to bonuses from special resource tiles, and approaches and lines of fire. When claiming tiles for a city, it's worth thinking about whether you can create good firing positions for Havocs where they'll be protected from enemy attacks. Infantry really struggle to defend in open ground, but a city can turn a barren wasteland into a very strong defensive position.

My priority has been to get a Chaos Lord in play as soon as possible, so I tend to research Lord's Quarters first. I go for Bloated next, especially since I usually do the first few quest stages; the Imperial Guard invasion is easy experience, and the resource rewards are handy. It's also worthwhile to get Rite of Change anyway for when your cities hit population limits. Up to and including very hard, I haven't really found it necessary to optimize research, so it's mostly contingent on what I have or need. If we have a lot of food, Havocs are a priority; a lot of ore, Dreadnoughts. If you're going to expand, then you need the Meadow of Sorrow sooner rather than later. Whatever you do, you should make fairly steady progress toward the Heldrake because you're going to need them.

After the Lord, you can build a Master of Possessions if you have the influence to spare, but a Warpsmith is more important. In the early game, the Master's ability to heal your units and summon disposable daemon units is useful, but the Warpsmith is crucial to keeping your vehicles - especially Fire Frenzying dreads - alive. His economy boost is also nice, and the mechatendril attack is actually quite good! The Master of Possession's other abilities are a bit lackluster in my opinion.

Thankfully, none of this engine-building requires any micromanagement: just keep an eye on your economy, especially energy, and your cities' population limits and loyalty, and you'll be fine.

**

Finally, a couple of words on tactics. I have three principles: terrain matters, overwatch is your friend, and don't overextend yourself.

One of the things that makes Gladius such a good wargame is that you have to be very aware of the terrain and the ways different armies use it. As a Chaos player, close terrain and narrow places are to your advantage - but remember that they'll also slow you down if you need to retreat. Watch your flanks for enemy skimmers and flyers: they can easily cut you off.

Conversely, be very cautious in open terrain, especially with infantry. Lines of sight in Gladius are rather short, so in the open, the enemy can easily surprise you with a flanking move. It's often worthwhile to use a disposable unit like Chaos Spawns as a flank guard for some advance warning.


This leads up to the second principle: overwatch. In a game with strong overwatch and weak or nonexistent artillery, you usually want the enemy to come to you. If they've had to eat up overwatch fire from your Havocs and Dreadnoughts, they'll be that much easier to wipe out in close combat on your turn - if they even make it that far. In the best-case scenario, the advancing enemy is depleted by your overwatch and stuck in the open, exposed to another round of fire. Overwatch is strong enough that even on the offense, it can often be a good idea to make a tactical retreat to lure the enemy into following you.


Finally, maybe the most important tactical principle is not getting overextended. On the smallest tactical scale, this just means not putting units in harm's way to finish off a damaged enemy, for instance; before you know it, an unexpected enemy attack wipes them out. The same principle applies on a larger scale, for example when attacking enemy cities. The AI will often just ignore attacks on individual units, like those random Malanthropes the Tyranids have just roaming around, but will usually make an effort to defend cities. Especially on larger maps, when you start damaging an enemy city, they may have most of their forces fighting elsewhere, but will detach some or all of them to defend the city. So as you're laying your siege, a strong enemy force may well be on its way to relieve the city.

This means that your dispositions should be such that if enemy reinforcements do show up, they can't get the drop on your Havocs, for instance; especially since you'll probably be busy reducing the city, so no-one will have any overwatch attacks. But it also means having some notion of how you're going to retreat if your casualties are starting to look too high. It's better to preserve your army, reinforce it and come back later, than to throw it all away pressing a failed assault. Sadly, Fire Frenzy sometimes means having to leave a dread behind; at least you can hope it'll slow the other guys down.

Even destroying an enemy city has its risks: whereas just a moment ago, your assault force was safely inside a city, it just blew up and left your guys standing around in the open. Tyranid cities are especially nasty, because you're liable to find yourself standing on naked bedrock! It's often a good idea to pull back and consolidate your forces when you destroy an enemy city: if your units are spread out and damaged, they'll be easy prey for an enemy counter-attack - or even a totally different faction suddenly swooping in. Destroying a city sets your opponent back and gets your units experience; sometimes it's best to leave it at that and pick your spot for the next attack.


**

That's how I've gotten along so far; next, it's time to up the difficulty some more and see what happens. I also got the Eldar and Tau DLCs, and I would definitely recommend both. The Eldar story is a bit bland and the quests aren't all that interesting, but they're a fun faction to play; I'm currently figuring out how they work on Hard. The Eldar DLC adds webway gates to the map, and the Eldar can only found cities on those. Unfortunately, enemy factions will tend to destroy all the ones they can find - or other Eldar factions will grab them - meaning that especially on smaller maps, you'll be stuck with few cities. I'm kinda interested in finding out how that works out on bigger maps and higher difficulty levels. In general, though, I'm thrilled to be playing my favorite army from Space Marine.

The Tau are surprisingly similar to the Eldar: massive firepower, very little staying power. Their quest is excellent, though, and although the entire army is an innovation, the anime battlesuits are kinda growing on me. It's also just nice to have more variety in your enemies!

Gladius remains an excellent, sadly underappreciated game, and I hope they come out with more DLCs. Compared to Dawn of War, we're still missing the Dark Eldar and Sisters of Battle, but I'm actually hoping to see the Machine Cult show up. Now that we have Wraithknights, how about some Imperial Knights?

Anyway, I've just tried the Eldar on very hard and it went surprisingly well; time for another game...

Nov 9, 2020

Blood Bowl: RagnaRock Ravens - Sheogorad Saints 1-1

We have now played our first game of Blood Bowl under the Turboleague rules I introduced last year! This is the first outing for my Sheogorad Saints; they'll be facing the RagnaRock Ravens, who finished fourth in the inaugural Turboleague season with a 2-3-0 record.

**

Before we get started, I'd like to show off some sideline figures I got from Hungry Troll Miniatures. First, this Halfling Line Ref:


And this Goblin camera crew, proudly representing the official broadcast partner of the Sheogorad Saints: Channel Nine.



**

So, with the broadcast staff in place, it's time to get the action started! This is also the debut of my bleachers, which I recently updated:


As the Norse team steered their longships into the harbor at Dagon Fel, the winds that usually howl across the Sea of Ghosts began to die down, and the sun blazed down mercilessly from a cloudless sky. At the Superdome, the sunshine was so bright that throwing practice passes was difficult, and at kickoff, the bright sunshine turned into an oppressive, sweltering heat that hung over the stadium throughout the entire game.

Dripping with sweat, the Ravens won the coin toss and, invoking the name of an obscure Norse prophet, elected to receive.


The ball landed in the backfield right next to Ravens catcher Leifur Eriksson, who promptly ran it up to the line of scrimmage, where the Ravens formed a protective cage around him as nine thousand frenzied Norse fans chanted "box, box!"


Both sides went down a player in the first quarter, as witch elf Barenziah Targaryen blitzed lineman Per Yngve Ohlin and knocked him out, while Ravens werewolf Freki tore Saints blitzer Fieryra Targaryen apart, leaving her dead on the pitch! Line-elf Brelda Quintella also failed a Dodge roll and was injured.

Undaunted by their losses, the Saints formed up in the time-honored elven defense, ready to slow down the Norse cage as long as they could.


As the Ravens moved their cage down the field, werewolf Geri tried to clear Saints line-elf Methulu Ienith out of the way, but they were both knocked down on the play.


This created an opening for Saints assassin Raven Dren to slip into the Norse box, stab Leifur Eriksson and nimbly dodge out again.



Eriksson managed to escape injury but was knocked down and lost control of the ball, which bounced to werewolf Freki. Shockingly, the wolf-man caught it! The Ravens now formed a cage around the surprised werewolf, and even though Barenziah Targaryen scored her second knockout of the game by blitzing the Ravens' Hank von Helvete, in the end, Freki handed the ball back to Eriksson, and the Saints' defense couldn't stop him from completing a double Go For It into the end zone for the game's opening touchdown.


After a short brawl, which the Ravens' Jan Axel Blomberg and three Saints players missed due to the stifling heat, the teams adjourned to their respective dugouts for halftime. 

**

When the second half started, both teams were ready to play, Hank von Helvete recovering from his knockout and only Saints runner Jenassa Samarys and Ravens blitzer Harald Hårdare overcome by the heat. Unfortunately, the fans were also ready, and the game was delayed when a riot broke out on the kickoff.

To the outnumbered Saints' dismay, the ball landed on their left, very close to the line of scrimmage.


Saints line-elf Endroni Dalas was forced to make a quick dash for the ball before the Ravens scooped it up, and she was driven to the sideline by the rampaging Norsemen.


However, witch elf Barenziah Targaryen came barreling down the field to clear some space for Dalas, who succesfully evaded the Ravens and launched a perfect quick pass to surviving blitzer Irileth Targaryen...


...who scored the Saints' first ever touchdown to tie the game and give the Channel 9 camera-goblin an excellent closeup.


**

As the second half wore on, more players succumbed to the oppressive heat: Saints assassin Raven Dren and line-elf Endroni Dalas were taken off the field for medical attention, while the Ravens were missing three linemen and the werewolf Freki. Hot weather can be dangerous for dogs! As only six players took to the field on each side, a fan threw a rock at Barenziah, momentarily stunning her at the kick-off.


The Ravens tried to run the ball up the field, but botched a crucial hand-off, and the game degenerated into a confused midfield brawl.


In the mêlée, Ravens blitzer Harald Hårdare knocked out his Saints counterpart Irileth, and thrower Thor Åkenskaldi killed line-elf Methulu Ienith, setting a league record for total fatalities in a game at two. With time running out, the Ravens were unable to press their advantage, and elected to secure the tie; Hårdare recorded his team's first completion of the season in the dying seconds, and the score remained 1-1. MVP honors went to the Ravens' werewolf Geri and Saints runner Jenassa Samarys.

**

That was a hard-fought and immensely entertaining game! I'd say the fans in the bleachers got more than their money's worth, with several fatalities, a riot and innovative six-a-side Blood Bowl. Both coaches certainly enjoyed themselves.

From the Saints' perspective, the first half went quite well: maybe I could have made the touchdown attempt a little harder, but our defensive play worked decently. My opponent took a risk by attacking the ball so aggressively in the first drive of the second half and I was able to capitalize, but the attrition was starting to tell on my squad; without so many Ravens being overcome by the heat on the last drive, I'm fairly sure I would have lost the game. So really, this tie feels like a win to me.

One of my motives in playing this starting roster was to get to try some of the different players, and I was very happy I did it. My witch elf was the real MVP, knocking out two Ravens players and playing an absolutely clutch role both in setting up our touchdown and stalling the opposition in the last drive. My assassin seemed to be terminally unlucky, constantly failing dodges and having little success with stabbing, even against the low Norse armor values, but their attack on the Ravens ball carrier in the first half was spectacularly successful. I still haven't really made up my mind as to whether assassins are worth having on a team or not, but this game is definitely a point in their favor. Meanwhile, my runner ended up with the MVP: she never actually even came close to handling the ball, but she did knock down several werewolves!

Of course, losing both a line-elf and a blitzer in the first game of a season is a disaster. The other injured line-elf got away with a strained groin, meaning they're going to miss the next game: as I can't afford any new players, that means I'll be fielding three journeymen the next time this team takes the field. To be honest, it would probably make sense to call it a season; but then again, playing as the underdog has a certain fascination!

Above all, though, this game was loads of fun. I hope we can get rid of this damn pandemic soon and start playing properly again.

As of this game, the Ravens lead the Turboleague on the strength of their inflicted casualties.

**

League table

Ragnarock Ravens (Norse) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 2-0, 2, 1, 0, 0
Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 0-2, 0, 1, 0, 0

Touchdowns:

Irileth Targaryen (Saints): 1
Leifur Eriksson (Ravens): 1

Casualties:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Fatalities:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Completions:

Endroni Dalas (Saints): 1
Harald Hårdare (Ravens): 1

Nov 2, 2020

Let's Read Tolkien 74: The Land of Shadow

Sam had just wits enough left to thrust the phial back into his breast.

Frodo and Sam flee down the road to Mordor, but orcs are approaching from all directions. In desperation, they drop off a bridge to avoid being caught, and end up in a thicket of thorny bushes. They're in a sort of gully running north along the mountains, and begin making their way along it. They have only very little water and some lembas left, and no idea where to find more. As they trudge northward, they are surprised to see daylight: it's the day of the Battle of Pelennor, and the clouds of Mordor have been driven back. They encounter an orc-patrol, a tracker and a soldier, but the orcs quarrel: the tracker shoots the soldier and escapes. Sam deduces from their talk that Gollum is still around.

Eventually the hobbits find a way east, onto the plains of Mordor. The land between them and Mount Doom is an ashen desert, but one that's crowded with armies of orcs and men. As they try to cross it, the hobbits are met by an orc-column, but because they're wearing orcish clothes, and apparently there's wide variety in orcish physiognomy, they're mistaken for orcs and whipped along with the column. The forced march takes them toward Mount Doom, and when the orcs stop and get into a fight with another unit, the hobbits escape.

**

I sincerely hope that anyone reading this can take a moment to appreciate the best thing to come out of all of the various Lord of the Rings film adaptations: the song the marching orcs sing in the Rankin-Bass animation. I think this has to be regarded as the first-ever recorded orcish spiritual.



This chapter is also where we get one of our very few glimpses into the broader realm of Mordor, including Lake Núrnen, which was beautifully realised in Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor. There's a lot we never got to find out about Mordor and Sauron, presumably because they were only really necessary to the story, rather than part of Tolkien's main creative ambitions.

I wondered earlier about the possible theological symbolisms of Frodo and Sam's journey, but here I think they become fairly obvious. I mean there's constant physical hardship, the shedding of physical burdens and wargear, and literal thorns. Frodo and Sam's journey through Mordor is an ascesis: a mortification of the flesh. The trip is tough on Sam, but much tougher on Frodo, because he is literally bearing Tolkien-capitalized Sin on his neck. This is Frodo at his most Christ-like, crawling to Golgotha to the mockery of orcs.

I quoted Tolkien earlier on the symbolism of lembas as the communion wafer, i.e. faith, and it becomes quite explicit here: after the provisions given by Faramir run out, the hobbits subsist on water they find in the wasteland, and faith. When they're caught by the orc-column, Frodo says they "trusted to luck, and it has failed us"; but he's wrong, because the forced march that culminates in a chaotic brawl actually gets them where they were going but couldn't find a way to. Like the quarreling orc-trackers, this is a case of evil fucking things up for evil, but it's hard to resist the interpretation that the hobbits "earn" this piece of luck (i.e. divine intervention) with their ascesis.

If you want to get all Kierkegaard on this, the hobbits dropping off the bridge at the beginning of the chapter is a leap of faith.

Taken together with the last chapters of Book Five, the theological message Tolkien wants to convey to us here is that he's given you a well-executed, exciting story of war, valor and sacrifice, and none of it really matters, because everything depends on a young gentlehobbit's spiritual via dolorosa through the desert of Mordor.

**

Next time: more theology, more leaps.

Oct 19, 2020

Here I Stand: Army boxes

 Believe it or not, our game of Here I Stand by email is still going on! As I write this, we're in the second round of impulses in Turn 3's action phase. We're really enjoying the game, but one of the problems I mentioned in my introductory post has come up again: the board is starting to get very cluttered in places.

Here, for example, is Calais: we need to fit an English square control marker, fleet and three army tokens onto that space on the map, and it's a little bit challenging. 


I mean yes, we can stack all three armies on top of each other, at which point no-one can see what's in the stack. This is highly inconvenient when playing by email, where everyone except the Sublime Porte is relying on pictures of the board. Even stacks become a challenge when, for instance, an army made up of regulars and mercenaries is besieging a key.

We've decided to implement a solution. Now, the Here I Stand board already has these nifty holding boxes for many of the capital cities on the board, as shown below.



War of the Ring did something similar: it basically had a box like this for every stronghold on the map, but also something ingenious: army boxes.


The square boxes are for strongholds: when one is placed under siege, very much like a key or fortress in Here I Stand, you put the garrison models in the stronghold box. The rectangular white boxes are army boxes. If it becomes difficult to fit all the models in an army on the board, you put them in an army box instead, and use the associated counter. You can see a Free Peoples army counter next to the number 1 box, and a Shadow army counter by the number 3 box. It's a really good system, and we're replicating it for Here I Stand.

**

Here's the army boxes and counters my partner made:



Here are the counters on the board:




And here's the corresponding units in their boxes.




We'll see how this works, but I'm very optimistic it'll make the game board much easier to decipher.

Oct 12, 2020

Blood Bowl: Bleachers 2: The Bleachening

Earlier, I built some Blood Bowl bleachers, which I've been populating with various miniatures since. Now it's time to take the next step and mount them on a plywood base, and add even more spectators.

**

Back when we played a lot of Necromunda around the turn of the millenium, I built a 4' × 4' game board and with some help from my friends, a set of 1' × 1' modular terrain boards for it; you can see them on my Instagram. We're currently using it to play Warhammer 40,000, and since the board itself is fairly solid, I'm going to build my Blood Bowl stadium on it. I even have some of the 1' × 1' plywood boards left, so I'm going to mount my bleachers on one of them.

The way I made the original terrain pieces was with two sheets of 4mm plywood: one 300×300mm and a 280×280mm sheet glued to its underside. The original idea was to have the pieces lock into position on the board, but that turned out to be way too fiddly. It turns out there are several advantages to doing it this way, though: the 4mm gap at the edges of the boards makes it easier to mount hinges on the baseboard, and since 4mm plywood can bend quite a bit, gluing two pieces together helps the whole thing stay level. So I've started by creating a plywood board like the previous ones:


The top side is then spraypainted white:


And then we stick on the stands!


They're a bit wonky, but then again my fluff reasoning is that all this has been built by the lowest-bidding goblin contractor!

**

While all this is going on, I've also got some new miniatures to add to my spectators. First up, from Perry Miniatures, their excellent Female and young rioters.


They'll be joined by three of Perry Miniatures' Female civilians. I've painted so many grimdark 40k miniatures and drab military vehicles that I wanted to do something totally different with my spectators, so it's bright primary colors all the way.


I also painted up some Muslim and Ottoman civilians, plus a leftover crewman from a Gatling gun. Here I felt like the models called for some more earthy tones.



And here's HP Lovecraft from Impact Miniatures.


Can you imagine how much Lovecraft would have hated a football game? I take an inordinate delight in placing an effigy of him in such multicultural surroundings.

**

Earlier this fall, I signed up to be harassed by a bird, so as to learn some rudiments of a new language. Soon enough, I went looking for an appropriate 28mm miniature to paint up as the Duolingo owl, and found it in Dark Sword Miniatures' Owl Mage.




I'd previously noted that Dark Sword's King Robert Baratheon looks remarkably like he's watching a football game, and I've been thinking about building a royal box for my stadium since. However, what I only noticed this time around was that so does Viserys. The Beggar King is obviously going to be slumming it in the stands, and he looks so much like he's losing a sizable bet placed on the game that I got Illyrio Mopatis to be there as the guy he's losing to.



Finally, I got Aeron Damphair, who I think also looks dissatisfied with the score, or maybe the refereeing. With the assistance of one of the casualty figures from Perry Miniatures' superb Zulu Wars infantry box, he is re-enacting a scene from my theology studies, of which the less said, the better.


**

I rather liked this idea of theological characters in my stands, so the natural thing to do was visit the Foundry Miniatures website for some Jolly MonksMedieval Characters and Anarchists. These are also superb models! I'm delighted with them. Some of them joined Aeron at the back, along with one more Perry Muslim Civilian:


The rest of the monks and some of the anarchists got better spots up front.



Here are two vehicle passengers I got from the Bad Squiddo kickstarter:


Finally, the stands are now getting crowded enough that I think it's time to deploy The Crowd from Sally 4th. There's not that many seated 28mm miniatures about, and even fewer that are perfect for Blood Bowl, so I'd been saving these folks until I had a better idea of what these stands were going to start looking like.


The fellow in grey below has a long hair head from Anvil.



**

So here the stands are in their current glory!


I have to say that this is by miles the best modeling project I've ever done. I'm really happy with it, and very much looking forward to my stands finally making their Blood Bowl debut; hopefully later this year.