Nov 16, 2020

Gladius: How I beat the game on Very Hard with Chaos

 I continue to thoroughly enjoy Warhammer 40,000: Gladius - Relics of War, i.e. the best Warhammer video game of all time and one of my favorite 4X games ever. So far, the faction I've liked playing the most has been Chaos, and just before the Eldar DLC dropped, I managed to win as Chaos on Very Hard. This is how I did it.

**

First, a few words on the kinds of units you'll need. There are three main roles for Chaos units in the game.


For starters, you need units that can tank damage. To win at Gladius, you need to be able to destroy enemy cities. They, however, will tend to shoot back, and the enemy may also have units of their own. Similarly, when you need to defend your own cities, you want the enemy beating up on your units rather than the city.

Heroes, especially properly outfitted Chaos Lords, eventually become very, very good at this, and even regular Chaos Marines can do some tanking, but all infantry is very vulnerable in the open. That's why the real stars here are vehicles. Chaos Dreadnoughts ("Helbrutes" to some people with no respect for the old ways; I'm damn sure Lorgar didn't call them "Helbrutes"; this is Chaos, not some kind of anarchy where anything goes) can take a serious beating, especially if you have a Warpsmith handy to heal them. If you start in an ore-rich area, you should start building dreadnoughts as soon as possible, and keep at it until you can switch to Land Raiders and/or crabs. A line of dreads, anchored by a Chaos Lord and attended by a Warpsmith, can take a lot of punishment.

Remember that a unit that does nothing except absorb enemy fire or melee attacks is doing a valuable job! In the early game, it's often worth bringing cultists or spawn along to attack enemy cities; every enemy shot fired at them isn't hitting your important units. It feels to me like the AI disproportionately targets spawns, so use that to your advantage.


The second thing your units need to do is, obviously, deal damage. Dreadnoughts suffer from only having the reaper autocannon as their ranged attack, so a little fire support never goes awry. Havocs are amazing for this: with a range of 3, they can sit behind your characters or dreadnoughts and blast away. Remember that they're very vulnerable, though, and never leave them in the open if you can help it.

The stars of damage-dealing are undoubtedly Chaos Lords, especially once you get Exalted Strike. They can't win wars on their own, though, and can get swamped by even weak enemy units and worn down, so they need strong support. I haven't really found Berzerkers worthwhile, even though I love them in the tabletop game; they don't really do enough damage and are quite vulnerable to enemy fire. The same goes for Warp Talons, and both they and Berzerkers suffer from competing for the same resources and build slots as Havocs, and usually I'd rather have the Havocs. Obliterators are very strong, but surprisingly vulnerable in open terrain.

Similarly, I'm not that impressed with Maulerfiends, whose special ability against fortifications is a bit niche, or Venomcrawlers, because again, they compete with dreads, and later with Land Raiders and Defilers. So I keep ending up with Dreadnoughts and Havocs.


The third area Chaos needs is flyers. The AI likes building flyers, and for good reason: they tend to be shooty, tough, and obviously they ignore terrain, making it easy to concentrate their fire wherever it's needed. I expect anyone who's played on bigger maps and/or higher difficulty levels will have encountered the Ork Dakkajet swarms, and suffered at their hands.

Chaos has no dedicated anti-aircraft units, and is more reliant on melee than most other armies, so enemy flyers, especially in large numbers, are a serious problem. Another strike against Maulerfiends is that they're helpless against enemy aircraft! Leveled Havocs can drop individual flyers out of the sky, but a strong enemy ground force with good air support is the toughest opposition you will face as a Chaos player, and if you're not prepared for it, you're very likely to lose.

The only real answer is Heldrakes, so researching them becomes a priority, especially on Medium and bigger maps. Heldrakes are tough, but can be vulnerable at lower levels; ideally, you should try to get them leveled up by having them participate in fighting in a limited way, but both when doing this and defending against enemy flyers, take care that they don't get cut off from the rest of your forces and surrounded, because they will be destroyed if mishandled.

Heldrakes also require a lot of energy to build and maintain, so that's also something to invest in in the early game, if possible.


The army I won with on very hard was Dreadnoughts, a Chaos Lord, Warpsmith and Master of Possessions, backed up with some Havocs, a swarm of Heldrakes and as many Land Raiders and Obliterators as I could get. The real stars were the Dreadnoughts and Warpsmith, but the Heldrakes also start getting quite scary as they level up.


**

So how do you build this army? In the game I won on very hard, I only had two cities on a Small map. Chaos can potentially expand very quickly, but you don't need to. My thinking tends to be that cities either provide access to a resource I need or form a strongpoint for defense. If my starting location is lacking a resource, it's usually worthwhile to found a city somewhere where that resource can be found - assuming you can defend it. My priorities on city placement are access to bonuses from special resource tiles, and approaches and lines of fire. When claiming tiles for a city, it's worth thinking about whether you can create good firing positions for Havocs where they'll be protected from enemy attacks. Infantry really struggle to defend in open ground, but a city can turn a barren wasteland into a very strong defensive position.

My priority has been to get a Chaos Lord in play as soon as possible, so I tend to research Lord's Quarters first. I go for Bloated next, especially since I usually do the first few quest stages; the Imperial Guard invasion is easy experience, and the resource rewards are handy. It's also worthwhile to get Rite of Change anyway for when your cities hit population limits. Up to and including very hard, I haven't really found it necessary to optimize research, so it's mostly contingent on what I have or need. If we have a lot of food, Havocs are a priority; a lot of ore, Dreadnoughts. If you're going to expand, then you need the Meadow of Sorrow sooner rather than later. Whatever you do, you should make fairly steady progress toward the Heldrake because you're going to need them.

After the Lord, you can build a Master of Possessions if you have the influence to spare, but a Warpsmith is more important. In the early game, the Master's ability to heal your units and summon disposable daemon units is useful, but the Warpsmith is crucial to keeping your vehicles - especially Fire Frenzying dreads - alive. His economy boost is also nice, and the mechatendril attack is actually quite good! The Master of Possession's other abilities are a bit lackluster in my opinion.

Thankfully, none of this engine-building requires any micromanagement: just keep an eye on your economy, especially energy, and your cities' population limits and loyalty, and you'll be fine.

**

Finally, a couple of words on tactics. I have three principles: terrain matters, overwatch is your friend, and don't overextend yourself.

One of the things that makes Gladius such a good wargame is that you have to be very aware of the terrain and the ways different armies use it. As a Chaos player, close terrain and narrow places are to your advantage - but remember that they'll also slow you down if you need to retreat. Watch your flanks for enemy skimmers and flyers: they can easily cut you off.

Conversely, be very cautious in open terrain, especially with infantry. Lines of sight in Gladius are rather short, so in the open, the enemy can easily surprise you with a flanking move. It's often worthwhile to use a disposable unit like Chaos Spawns as a flank guard for some advance warning.


This leads up to the second principle: overwatch. In a game with strong overwatch and weak or nonexistent artillery, you usually want the enemy to come to you. If they've had to eat up overwatch fire from your Havocs and Dreadnoughts, they'll be that much easier to wipe out in close combat on your turn - if they even make it that far. In the best-case scenario, the advancing enemy is depleted by your overwatch and stuck in the open, exposed to another round of fire. Overwatch is strong enough that even on the offense, it can often be a good idea to make a tactical retreat to lure the enemy into following you.


Finally, maybe the most important tactical principle is not getting overextended. On the smallest tactical scale, this just means not putting units in harm's way to finish off a damaged enemy, for instance; before you know it, an unexpected enemy attack wipes them out. The same principle applies on a larger scale, for example when attacking enemy cities. The AI will often just ignore attacks on individual units, like those random Malanthropes the Tyranids have just roaming around, but will usually make an effort to defend cities. Especially on larger maps, when you start damaging an enemy city, they may have most of their forces fighting elsewhere, but will detach some or all of them to defend the city. So as you're laying your siege, a strong enemy force may well be on its way to relieve the city.

This means that your dispositions should be such that if enemy reinforcements do show up, they can't get the drop on your Havocs, for instance; especially since you'll probably be busy reducing the city, so no-one will have any overwatch attacks. But it also means having some notion of how you're going to retreat if your casualties are starting to look too high. It's better to preserve your army, reinforce it and come back later, than to throw it all away pressing a failed assault. Sadly, Fire Frenzy sometimes means having to leave a dread behind; at least you can hope it'll slow the other guys down.

Even destroying an enemy city has its risks: whereas just a moment ago, your assault force was safely inside a city, it just blew up and left your guys standing around in the open. Tyranid cities are especially nasty, because you're liable to find yourself standing on naked bedrock! It's often a good idea to pull back and consolidate your forces when you destroy an enemy city: if your units are spread out and damaged, they'll be easy prey for an enemy counter-attack - or even a totally different faction suddenly swooping in. Destroying a city sets your opponent back and gets your units experience; sometimes it's best to leave it at that and pick your spot for the next attack.


**

That's how I've gotten along so far; next, it's time to up the difficulty some more and see what happens. I also got the Eldar and Tau DLCs, and I would definitely recommend both. The Eldar story is a bit bland and the quests aren't all that interesting, but they're a fun faction to play; I'm currently figuring out how they work on Hard. The Eldar DLC adds webway gates to the map, and the Eldar can only found cities on those. Unfortunately, enemy factions will tend to destroy all the ones they can find - or other Eldar factions will grab them - meaning that especially on smaller maps, you'll be stuck with few cities. I'm kinda interested in finding out how that works out on bigger maps and higher difficulty levels. In general, though, I'm thrilled to be playing my favorite army from Space Marine.

The Tau are surprisingly similar to the Eldar: massive firepower, very little staying power. Their quest is excellent, though, and although the entire army is an innovation, the anime battlesuits are kinda growing on me. It's also just nice to have more variety in your enemies!

Gladius remains an excellent, sadly underappreciated game, and I hope they come out with more DLCs. Compared to Dawn of War, we're still missing the Dark Eldar and Sisters of Battle, but I'm actually hoping to see the Machine Cult show up. Now that we have Wraithknights, how about some Imperial Knights?

Anyway, I've just tried the Eldar on very hard and it went surprisingly well; time for another game...

Nov 9, 2020

Blood Bowl: RagnaRock Ravens - Sheogorad Saints 1-1

We have now played our first game of Blood Bowl under the Turboleague rules I introduced last year! This is the first outing for my Sheogorad Saints; they'll be facing the RagnaRock Ravens, who finished fourth in the inaugural Turboleague season with a 2-3-0 record.

**

Before we get started, I'd like to show off some sideline figures I got from Hungry Troll Miniatures. First, this Halfling Line Ref:


And this Goblin camera crew, proudly representing the official broadcast partner of the Sheogorad Saints: Channel Nine.



**

So, with the broadcast staff in place, it's time to get the action started! This is also the debut of my bleachers, which I recently updated:


As the Norse team steered their longships into the harbor at Dagon Fel, the winds that usually howl across the Sea of Ghosts began to die down, and the sun blazed down mercilessly from a cloudless sky. At the Superdome, the sunshine was so bright that throwing practice passes was difficult, and at kickoff, the bright sunshine turned into an oppressive, sweltering heat that hung over the stadium throughout the entire game.

Dripping with sweat, the Ravens won the coin toss and, invoking the name of an obscure Norse prophet, elected to receive.


The ball landed in the backfield right next to Ravens catcher Leifur Eriksson, who promptly ran it up to the line of scrimmage, where the Ravens formed a protective cage around him as nine thousand frenzied Norse fans chanted "box, box!"


Both sides went down a player in the first quarter, as witch elf Barenziah Targaryen blitzed lineman Per Yngve Ohlin and knocked him out, while Ravens werewolf Freki tore Saints blitzer Fieryra Targaryen apart, leaving her dead on the pitch! Line-elf Brelda Quintella also failed a Dodge roll and was injured.

Undaunted by their losses, the Saints formed up in the time-honored elven defense, ready to slow down the Norse cage as long as they could.


As the Ravens moved their cage down the field, werewolf Geri tried to clear Saints line-elf Methulu Ienith out of the way, but they were both knocked down on the play.


This created an opening for Saints assassin Raven Dren to slip into the Norse box, stab Leifur Eriksson and nimbly dodge out again.



Eriksson managed to escape injury but was knocked down and lost control of the ball, which bounced to werewolf Freki. Shockingly, the wolf-man caught it! The Ravens now formed a cage around the surprised werewolf, and even though Barenziah Targaryen scored her second knockout of the game by blitzing the Ravens' Hank von Helvete, in the end, Freki handed the ball back to Eriksson, and the Saints' defense couldn't stop him from completing a double Go For It into the end zone for the game's opening touchdown.


After a short brawl, which the Ravens' Jan Axel Blomberg and three Saints players missed due to the stifling heat, the teams adjourned to their respective dugouts for halftime. 

**

When the second half started, both teams were ready to play, Hank von Helvete recovering from his knockout and only Saints runner Jenassa Samarys and Ravens blitzer Harald Hårdare overcome by the heat. Unfortunately, the fans were also ready, and the game was delayed when a riot broke out on the kickoff.

To the outnumbered Saints' dismay, the ball landed on their left, very close to the line of scrimmage.


Saints line-elf Endroni Dalas was forced to make a quick dash for the ball before the Ravens scooped it up, and she was driven to the sideline by the rampaging Norsemen.


However, witch elf Barenziah Targaryen came barreling down the field to clear some space for Dalas, who succesfully evaded the Ravens and launched a perfect quick pass to surviving blitzer Irileth Targaryen...


...who scored the Saints' first ever touchdown to tie the game and give the Channel 9 camera-goblin an excellent closeup.


**

As the second half wore on, more players succumbed to the oppressive heat: Saints assassin Raven Dren and line-elf Endroni Dalas were taken off the field for medical attention, while the Ravens were missing three linemen and the werewolf Freki. Hot weather can be dangerous for dogs! As only six players took to the field on each side, a fan threw a rock at Barenziah, momentarily stunning her at the kick-off.


The Ravens tried to run the ball up the field, but botched a crucial hand-off, and the game degenerated into a confused midfield brawl.


In the mêlée, Ravens blitzer Harald Hårdare knocked out his Saints counterpart Irileth, and thrower Thor Åkenskaldi killed line-elf Methulu Ienith, setting a league record for total fatalities in a game at two. With time running out, the Ravens were unable to press their advantage, and elected to secure the tie; Hårdare recorded his team's first completion of the season in the dying seconds, and the score remained 1-1. MVP honors went to the Ravens' werewolf Geri and Saints runner Jenassa Samarys.

**

That was a hard-fought and immensely entertaining game! I'd say the fans in the bleachers got more than their money's worth, with several fatalities, a riot and innovative six-a-side Blood Bowl. Both coaches certainly enjoyed themselves.

From the Saints' perspective, the first half went quite well: maybe I could have made the touchdown attempt a little harder, but our defensive play worked decently. My opponent took a risk by attacking the ball so aggressively in the first drive of the second half and I was able to capitalize, but the attrition was starting to tell on my squad; without so many Ravens being overcome by the heat on the last drive, I'm fairly sure I would have lost the game. So really, this tie feels like a win to me.

One of my motives in playing this starting roster was to get to try some of the different players, and I was very happy I did it. My witch elf was the real MVP, knocking out two Ravens players and playing an absolutely clutch role both in setting up our touchdown and stalling the opposition in the last drive. My assassin seemed to be terminally unlucky, constantly failing dodges and having little success with stabbing, even against the low Norse armor values, but their attack on the Ravens ball carrier in the first half was spectacularly successful. I still haven't really made up my mind as to whether assassins are worth having on a team or not, but this game is definitely a point in their favor. Meanwhile, my runner ended up with the MVP: she never actually even came close to handling the ball, but she did knock down several werewolves!

Of course, losing both a line-elf and a blitzer in the first game of a season is a disaster. The other injured line-elf got away with a strained groin, meaning they're going to miss the next game: as I can't afford any new players, that means I'll be fielding three journeymen the next time this team takes the field. To be honest, it would probably make sense to call it a season; but then again, playing as the underdog has a certain fascination!

Above all, though, this game was loads of fun. I hope we can get rid of this damn pandemic soon and start playing properly again.

As of this game, the Ravens lead the Turboleague on the strength of their inflicted casualties.

**

League table

Ragnarock Ravens (Norse) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 2-0, 2, 1, 0, 0
Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 0-2, 0, 1, 0, 0

Touchdowns:

Irileth Targaryen (Saints): 1
Leifur Eriksson (Ravens): 1

Casualties:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Fatalities:
Freki (Ravens): 1
Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens): 1

Completions:

Endroni Dalas (Saints): 1
Harald Hårdare (Ravens): 1

Nov 2, 2020

Let's Read Tolkien 74: The Land of Shadow

Sam had just wits enough left to thrust the phial back into his breast.

Frodo and Sam flee down the road to Mordor, but orcs are approaching from all directions. In desperation, they drop off a bridge to avoid being caught, and end up in a thicket of thorny bushes. They're in a sort of gully running north along the mountains, and begin making their way along it. They have only very little water and some lembas left, and no idea where to find more. As they trudge northward, they are surprised to see daylight: it's the day of the Battle of Pelennor, and the clouds of Mordor have been driven back. They encounter an orc-patrol, a tracker and a soldier, but the orcs quarrel: the tracker shoots the soldier and escapes. Sam deduces from their talk that Gollum is still around.

Eventually the hobbits find a way east, onto the plains of Mordor. The land between them and Mount Doom is an ashen desert, but one that's crowded with armies of orcs and men. As they try to cross it, the hobbits are met by an orc-column, but because they're wearing orcish clothes, and apparently there's wide variety in orcish physiognomy, they're mistaken for orcs and whipped along with the column. The forced march takes them toward Mount Doom, and when the orcs stop and get into a fight with another unit, the hobbits escape.

**

I sincerely hope that anyone reading this can take a moment to appreciate the best thing to come out of all of the various Lord of the Rings film adaptations: the song the marching orcs sing in the Rankin-Bass animation. I think this has to be regarded as the first-ever recorded orcish spiritual.



This chapter is also where we get one of our very few glimpses into the broader realm of Mordor, including Lake Núrnen, which was beautifully realised in Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor. There's a lot we never got to find out about Mordor and Sauron, presumably because they were only really necessary to the story, rather than part of Tolkien's main creative ambitions.

I wondered earlier about the possible theological symbolisms of Frodo and Sam's journey, but here I think they become fairly obvious. I mean there's constant physical hardship, the shedding of physical burdens and wargear, and literal thorns. Frodo and Sam's journey through Mordor is an ascesis: a mortification of the flesh. The trip is tough on Sam, but much tougher on Frodo, because he is literally bearing Tolkien-capitalized Sin on his neck. This is Frodo at his most Christ-like, crawling to Golgotha to the mockery of orcs.

I quoted Tolkien earlier on the symbolism of lembas as the communion wafer, i.e. faith, and it becomes quite explicit here: after the provisions given by Faramir run out, the hobbits subsist on water they find in the wasteland, and faith. When they're caught by the orc-column, Frodo says they "trusted to luck, and it has failed us"; but he's wrong, because the forced march that culminates in a chaotic brawl actually gets them where they were going but couldn't find a way to. Like the quarreling orc-trackers, this is a case of evil fucking things up for evil, but it's hard to resist the interpretation that the hobbits "earn" this piece of luck (i.e. divine intervention) with their ascesis.

If you want to get all Kierkegaard on this, the hobbits dropping off the bridge at the beginning of the chapter is a leap of faith.

Taken together with the last chapters of Book Five, the theological message Tolkien wants to convey to us here is that he's given you a well-executed, exciting story of war, valor and sacrifice, and none of it really matters, because everything depends on a young gentlehobbit's spiritual via dolorosa through the desert of Mordor.

**

Next time: more theology, more leaps.

Oct 19, 2020

Here I Stand: Army boxes

 Believe it or not, our game of Here I Stand by email is still going on! As I write this, we're in the second round of impulses in Turn 3's action phase. We're really enjoying the game, but one of the problems I mentioned in my introductory post has come up again: the board is starting to get very cluttered in places.

Here, for example, is Calais: we need to fit an English square control marker, fleet and three army tokens onto that space on the map, and it's a little bit challenging. 


I mean yes, we can stack all three armies on top of each other, at which point no-one can see what's in the stack. This is highly inconvenient when playing by email, where everyone except the Sublime Porte is relying on pictures of the board. Even stacks become a challenge when, for instance, an army made up of regulars and mercenaries is besieging a key.

We've decided to implement a solution. Now, the Here I Stand board already has these nifty holding boxes for many of the capital cities on the board, as shown below.



War of the Ring did something similar: it basically had a box like this for every stronghold on the map, but also something ingenious: army boxes.


The square boxes are for strongholds: when one is placed under siege, very much like a key or fortress in Here I Stand, you put the garrison models in the stronghold box. The rectangular white boxes are army boxes. If it becomes difficult to fit all the models in an army on the board, you put them in an army box instead, and use the associated counter. You can see a Free Peoples army counter next to the number 1 box, and a Shadow army counter by the number 3 box. It's a really good system, and we're replicating it for Here I Stand.

**

Here's the army boxes and counters my partner made:



Here are the counters on the board:




And here's the corresponding units in their boxes.




We'll see how this works, but I'm very optimistic it'll make the game board much easier to decipher.

Oct 12, 2020

Blood Bowl: Bleachers 2: The Bleachening

Earlier, I built some Blood Bowl bleachers, which I've been populating with various miniatures since. Now it's time to take the next step and mount them on a plywood base, and add even more spectators.

**

Back when we played a lot of Necromunda around the turn of the millenium, I built a 4' × 4' game board and with some help from my friends, a set of 1' × 1' modular terrain boards for it; you can see them on my Instagram. We're currently using it to play Warhammer 40,000, and since the board itself is fairly solid, I'm going to build my Blood Bowl stadium on it. I even have some of the 1' × 1' plywood boards left, so I'm going to mount my bleachers on one of them.

The way I made the original terrain pieces was with two sheets of 4mm plywood: one 300×300mm and a 280×280mm sheet glued to its underside. The original idea was to have the pieces lock into position on the board, but that turned out to be way too fiddly. It turns out there are several advantages to doing it this way, though: the 4mm gap at the edges of the boards makes it easier to mount hinges on the baseboard, and since 4mm plywood can bend quite a bit, gluing two pieces together helps the whole thing stay level. So I've started by creating a plywood board like the previous ones:


The top side is then spraypainted white:


And then we stick on the stands!


They're a bit wonky, but then again my fluff reasoning is that all this has been built by the lowest-bidding goblin contractor!

**

While all this is going on, I've also got some new miniatures to add to my spectators. First up, from Perry Miniatures, their excellent Female and young rioters.


They'll be joined by three of Perry Miniatures' Female civilians. I've painted so many grimdark 40k miniatures and drab military vehicles that I wanted to do something totally different with my spectators, so it's bright primary colors all the way.


I also painted up some Muslim and Ottoman civilians, plus a leftover crewman from a Gatling gun. Here I felt like the models called for some more earthy tones.



And here's HP Lovecraft from Impact Miniatures.


Can you imagine how much Lovecraft would have hated a football game? I take an inordinate delight in placing an effigy of him in such multicultural surroundings.

**

Earlier this fall, I signed up to be harassed by a bird, so as to learn some rudiments of a new language. Soon enough, I went looking for an appropriate 28mm miniature to paint up as the Duolingo owl, and found it in Dark Sword Miniatures' Owl Mage.




I'd previously noted that Dark Sword's King Robert Baratheon looks remarkably like he's watching a football game, and I've been thinking about building a royal box for my stadium since. However, what I only noticed this time around was that so does Viserys. The Beggar King is obviously going to be slumming it in the stands, and he looks so much like he's losing a sizable bet placed on the game that I got Illyrio Mopatis to be there as the guy he's losing to.



Finally, I got Aeron Damphair, who I think also looks dissatisfied with the score, or maybe the refereeing. With the assistance of one of the casualty figures from Perry Miniatures' superb Zulu Wars infantry box, he is re-enacting a scene from my theology studies, of which the less said, the better.


**

I rather liked this idea of theological characters in my stands, so the natural thing to do was visit the Foundry Miniatures website for some Jolly MonksMedieval Characters and Anarchists. These are also superb models! I'm delighted with them. Some of them joined Aeron at the back, along with one more Perry Muslim Civilian:


The rest of the monks and some of the anarchists got better spots up front.



Here are two vehicle passengers I got from the Bad Squiddo kickstarter:


Finally, the stands are now getting crowded enough that I think it's time to deploy The Crowd from Sally 4th. There's not that many seated 28mm miniatures about, and even fewer that are perfect for Blood Bowl, so I'd been saving these folks until I had a better idea of what these stands were going to start looking like.


The fellow in grey below has a long hair head from Anvil.



**

So here the stands are in their current glory!


I have to say that this is by miles the best modeling project I've ever done. I'm really happy with it, and very much looking forward to my stands finally making their Blood Bowl debut; hopefully later this year.

Oct 5, 2020

Let's Read Tolkien 73: The Tower of Cirith Ungol

Sam roused himself painfully from the ground.

Frodo's loyal batman finds himself outside the tower in the title, with his master inside. He sets off to rescue Frodo, helped by the fact that, as foreshadowed last time, the orc-garrison has started fighting among themselves over the loot.

On the way, we get our first proper look into Mordor: jagged mountains, an ashen wasteland and the volcano, Mount Doom. To get to the tower, Sam has to make his way past two Watchers: statues that project some kind of force field that blocks the road. He does this by using the Phial of Galadriel.

At the tower, literally all of the orcs are dead, except for a small one called Snaga and Shagrat. The wounded Shagrat encounters Sam, but makes his getaway, bearing the items taken off Frodo which would later (but earlier to us) be shown to Aragorn and the others at the Morannon. Sam then finds Frodo, returns the Ring to him after Frodo flips out about it, and they disguise themselves in orc-clothes and leave.

**

So, after a surprisingly long chapter, Frodo and Sam have escaped from the tower. I guess there's a bit of a disconnect going from the very epic scope of King Elessar and his army to Sam finding orc-pants for Frodo, and it took me a moment to adjust. Of course, the main theme of this chapter is Tolkien's notion that evil ultimately defeats itself, but if I'm honest, the notion of the entire garrison of an at least mildly strategically placed fortress conveniently massacring each other to the point where there's just two of them left stretches credibility. It also feels like the chapter just goes on for a really long time, and I'm not really sure what purpose a lot of it serves. Maybe I'm just being too negative.

It's easy to gloss over Sam's temptation by the Ring as a little bit silly and paternalistic "aw shucks" moment, which is basically what it is; it's the closest the Lord of the Rings ever comes to what Moorcock et al. claim is its dominant theme of "do what you're told and stay in your place". Of course the loyal subaltern has no dreams above his station! The ease with which he hands over the Ring also seems a bit exaggerated. But I was struck by Sam's ambition being defined as a garden of his own. I've talked about Tolkien's use of physical geography, and lately his corresponding lack of interest in human geography. Another juxtaposition is wholesome nature versus artificial evil, which is, of course, strongly present in this chapter, where Sauron's realm is depicted as an ashen wasteland.

But how does Tolkien actually conceive of nature? Good nature, to Tolkien, is basically a well-tended garden. Places like the Shire, Rivendell or Lórien, even Ithilien, are actually fairly bourgeois gardens. How often does anyone even encounter any wildlife anywhere? Even Beorn's animal friends behaved like well-trained servants or drilled soldiers. Outside of the various gardens and lawns, there's the desolate wilderness and scary, almost evil forests. Even when they're not actively hostile, they're very alien. Nature is only really idyllic and good when someone has mowed the lawn and clipped the hedges. Solidly, impeccably middle class!

**

Next time: more singing.

Sep 21, 2020

Blood Bowl: The Orcland Wanderers

Once upon a time, an entirely unremarkable Orc team was making a decent living on the tournament circuit in the Dark Lands. Then one day, they chanced upon an orc who claimed to be a prophet of Nuffle himself. Nuffle had given him a vision: he would lead the team out into the Blasted Wastes, where they would find a golden city, rich beyond their wildest dreams but lacking a Blood Bowl team. The team, almost certainly very drunk, was gripped by the prophet's vision, and they cheerfully set out into the desert, singing songs about the promised land that awaited them.

Eventually, of course, the enthusiasm (not to mention the fungus beer) wore off, and the team realized that there was no golden city. Once they'd eaten the supposed prophet of Nuffle, they were so far into the wastelands that there was nothing to do but keep going. After a succesful tour of the Chaos Dwarf circuit, the greenskins took to their new way of life and started travelling all over the Old World to play. With no home stadium, they took to calling themselves the Orcland Wanderers.

**

In other words, I was going through my old Warhammer stuff and found my old 3rd edition Blood Bowl plastics. This is the team:

6 linemen (300,000)
2 blitzers (160,000)
2 black orc blockers (160,000)
2 throwers (140,000)
4 re-rolls (240,000)

And here's the roster:

#4 Drek Garr, thrower
#8 Mark-um Maaarrgghh, thrower
#15 Nelson Agharghaaarrgh, blitzer
#28 Ork Truk, lineman
#29 Lawaaagh-Joiner, lineman
#52 Waaagh Mack, black orc blocker
#55 Von-Tar Perfect, lineman
#75 Orcius Latham, lineman
#87 Jaaarrghh Cook, lineman
#89 Aaargh Cooper, blitzer
#95 Jihad Waaargh, lineman
#98 Maxx Gross, black orc blocker

**

I started with the linemen. They were primed with Army Painter's Greenskin Primer, and they're wearing Medium Sea Grey loincloths, Ivory socks, Off-White shirts and Gunmetal Grey helmets, for what I think is a quite decent Orcland look! I drybrushed a little Deep Green over the Greenskin Primer.


And here are the positional players, as well as a goblin. I apologize for that, I don't know how he got in there.


I also apologize for the picture quality: my old phone stopped working, and the camera on the new one is rubbish. Anyway here's the team:


**

Painting these guys was a fun little project! I'll see if I can find my humans next.