Warhammer 40,000: The Emperor is with the Battalion Detachments

By Method and discipline are to be understood the marshalling of the army in its proper subdivisions, the graduations of rank among the officers, the maintenance of roads by which supplies may reach the army, and the control of military expenditure.
- Sun Tzu: The Art of War, I:10, Lionel Giles translation (1910)

Our first Warhammer 40,000 - Rogue Trader experiment was a success, so we're going to repeat it: this time with bigger armies and more players.

A post shared by Michael Halila (@michaelhalila) on Aug 12, 2018 at 2:45am PDT

**

Because it turns out I have more Imperial Guard models than I thought, my first step will be to expand my patrol detachment into a battalion detachment. The minimum required is two HQ units and three Troops, meaning that my mini-army needs one more of each to make the grade.

165th Ophir Highlanders

Our new HQ unit will be Captain de Cleyre, an Ophir Highlanders Company Commander with a power sword and plasma pistol. The model is Ursula, fleet officer from Brother Vinni. As a senior officer, she can give orders to two units from her regiment per turn.

Therefore, it's time to bolster our army with an Ophir Highlanders Infantry Squad. The models are GW Cadians, with the Sergeant's and weapon team's heads from Statuesque Miniatures. Incidentally, since my opponent vocally complained about not being allowed to shoot into melee last time, we've decided that the Ophir Highlanders count as Valhallan Ice Warriors.

I also found some nearly untouched Imperial Guard heavy weapon team sprues, so the Highlanders also get a Heavy Weapons Squad. I didn't have enough Cadians to make the three heavy bolter teams I had intended, so for the time being two of them are deploying with a mortar team from the 113th Acheron Repentants.

41st Boye Dragoon Guards

During the same great miniature-sorting operation that netted me Commissar Zhukov, I was delighted to also find a whole squad of Mordian Iron Guard. I re-painted them in a color scheme based on the Swedish Life Guards regiment, following a visit to Stockholm last summer. For rules purposes, we're counting them as Mordians.

I also found a Mordian officer with a power fist, who was pressed into service as a Platoon Commander. Since the Mordian models are out of production and I don't see myself hitting up eBay for more, my Dragoon Guards will be fine with just a single officer. Incidentally, this also makes them a prime candidate for mechanisation, should I get my hands on a Chimera.

Officio Prefectus

Since I got my hands on an excellent Wargame Exclusive female Commissar model, how could I not include the beautiful and deadly Commissar Mironova?

Scholastica Psykana

Finally, I decided that we should expand our understanding of the game by incorporating psykers in our armies, so we can have a proper Psychic phase. To that end, the Imperial Gyard detachment got its third HQ unit, a Primaris Psyker. For the model, I bought a Fantasy Flight Imperial psyker.

The Imperial army contains the following units:

Lord Commissar Zhukov
Ophir Highlanders Company Commander de Cleyre
Primaris Psyker
Ministorum Priest Brother Malachi
Commissar Mironova
Boye Dragoon Guards Platoon Leader
Ophir Highlanders Conscripts
Ophir Highlanders Infantry Squad
Boye Dragoon Guards Infantry Squad
Chirikov Rad-Guards Infantry Squad
Ophir Highlanders Heavy Weapons Squad

**

What about my Chaos army, then?

Iconoclast Chaos Space Marines

Before I ruin it with my painting, I want to start off by pointing out that this Wargame Exclusive Chaos Dark Prophet model that I got to be my Dark Apostle is simply amazing.

I didn't have time to get her painted for our first game, but here she is now!

Now that the other side has a psyker, I'm also bringing a Sorcerer and giving them a combi-plasma. I'm still working on getting a suitable model, so for now, my Sorcerer will be proxied by Ezekiel.

Having done that, I could add another Troops choice to upgrade my Chaos army to a battalion detachment as well. Or, since I bought a box of them to make my Fallout World Eater, I could have some Berzerkers instead.

Frankly, a horde of chain-weapon-wielding lunatics sounds so much more fun that this was pretty much a no-brainer.

Derbe rebels

Finally, my Cultists. Last time, I had ten cultists with autoguns, and they were very unceremoniously wiped out by the Rad-Guards. For this instalment, I'm leaving them home and bringing my old Escher gang from Necromunda as Slaanesh cultists. They're equipped half and half with autoguns and autopistol-assault weapon combos, and two flamers.

Therefore, my Chaos army is simply my Dark Apostle, Sorcerer, Berzerkers, Chaos Marines and Cultists.

**

Our forces are ready! In the rustic surroundings of our summer cabin, we set up a 4' × 4' table with my old Necromunda terrain and a couple of new additions.

I got to divide the table into deployment zones, and decided on a split down the line of the river. I got the side to the right in the photo, and below is my deployment: the Marines would hold my right flank and shoot up anyone who made a grab for the objective on the bridge, while on my left, the Cultists would screen my Berzerkers' advance and then redeploy via Tide of Traitors.

Unfortunately, the Imperial deployment meant that my assault force would be advancing straight into the teeth of their heavy bolters.

The Imperial side got the first turn, and surged forward. On the right, the Rad-Guards secured the objective in the graveyard, and in the center, the Ophir conscripts and Dragoon Guards stormed toward the bridge.

The Imperial shooting damn near wiped out my Cultists completely, and I had to hit Tide of Traitors on my first turn. Luckily, there was just enough space to deploy them on the Imperial right, where they quickly overran the Heavy Weapon Squad and forced the conscripts to abandon the Dragoon Guards on the bridge and swing right to face the Cultists.

Meanwhile, my Sorcerer Warptimed the Berzerkers into charge range of the Rad-Guards, and killed several Imperials with his combi-plasma and Smite.

On my right, the Chaos Marines were getting the worst of a firefight with the two Imperial infantry squads, so with the conscripts drawn off, we charged the Dragoon Guards on the bridge.

The Highlander squad on the Imperial left used their Valhallan order to fire into melee, and managed to hit their own company commander with their lascannon! Miraculously, they failed to wound her.

The Marines wiped out the Dragoon Guards on the bridge and gunned down their officer as he tried to charge them. Meanwhile, the Berzerkers crashed through the Rad-Guards and butchered almost all of the conscripts. Their Champion duelled Commissar Zhukov and won, only to be cut down by the Ophir company commander. The Primaris Psyker blasted three Berzerkers dead with Smite, only to be killed himself by my Sorcerer. All the Berzerkers were dead, but they nearly destroyed the entire Imperial center. Khorne cares not whence the blood flows!

What the Berzerkers left standing was gunned down by my Marines and Sorcerer, or overrun by the Cultists. Above is Brother Malachi's heroic but short last stand.

Finally, all that was left was the Highlanders infantry squad on the Imperial left. If they could hold out for one last turn, the Imperials would have enough victory points to win. They survived my Cultists' shooting and my Sorcerer's Smite, but a charge from the Chaos Marines finished them off. Slaanesh prefers the blood to flow from the other guys.

**

So, Chaos was victorious, bringing our lifetime record to 1-1. What did we learn?

As the Chaos player, I've again been reminded that Imperial firepower is horrible. My Cultists were, once again, practically wiped out. Even my Marines do worse than I'd like in a stand-up firefight, so clearly our army needs to get stuck in as fast as possible, and outflank the enemy line. Tide of Traitors was absolutely brilliant for this; next time, my opponents will be expecting it, but it's still amazing. The Berzerkers were also great, destroying the conscript horde and generally smashing right through the Imperial center. Of course they all died in the process, but what more can a Berzerker ask for? More Statuesque female heads arrived in the mail, so I'll be making them a proper Champion for next time.

Incidentally, the once per battle FAQ limitation of Tide of Traitors seems to strengthen the case for a massive unit of Cultists. So while I'll be bringing back my shooty ten-model Cultist unit to camp on an objective and bring the army up to battalion detachment strength, I need more hive gangers!

My proxied Sorcerer was a delight, Warptiming the Berzerkers into charge range, Smiting the Imperial psyker dead and inflicting several casualties with his combi-plasma. The only problem with Warptime was that it also made sure that the Berzerkers charged way out of my Dark Apostle's buff range, even with Voice of Lorgar. Still, I think she was worth having around just for the extra Leadership that stopped all the Cultists from running away in the first turn!

All in all, I'm very happy with my little Chaos army. Imperial firepower and numbers are still scary, though, and I'm going to keep on looking for ways to outflank them.

**

Next time: the off-season.

Let's Read Tolkien 53: The Taming of Sméagol

"Well, master, we're in a fix and no mistake," said Sam Gamgee.

Leaving Rohan, Gondor and the war behind for the moment, we start Book Four with Sam and Frodo making their way through the hills of the Emyn Muil: a broken, barren landscape that drops toward the Dead Marshes. Beyond them lies Mordor and Mount Doom.

The hobbits find the going tough, scrambling up and down gullies and hillsides. A sheer cliffside nearly defeats them, but they use the elven-rope Sam was given in Lórien to descend. Obviously this means they have to tie it securely at the top of the cliff, and as Sam bemoans the loss of the rope, he gives it a tug, and it comes tumbling down.

As Frodo and Sam rest a little distance ahead of the cliff-face, they see Gollum climbing down it like a monstrous spider. With their elven-cloaks on, the hobbits ambush and capture him. They contemplate killing him, but Frodo recalls his conversation with Gandalf on this exact topic. Instead Frodo makes Gollum swear by the Ring that he will serve the hobbits. Gollum promises to guide them through the marshes to Mordor, and they set off.

**

This is, in a sense, a two-part chapter. The star of the first part is the landscape, in as excellent a piece of geographical prose as Tolkien ever turned out, harking back to the hobbits' travails in the Old Forest. I thought Frodo's refusal to see that the Lórien-rope is basically magic was odd and slightly out of place, but maybe that's just me.

The star of the second part is unquestionably Gollum. I still think that Bilbo's initial encounter with him is some of Tolkien's best writing, and certainly Gollum is one of his most memorable characters.

Seeing Gollum as an addict has become the default interpretation of the character, but I have to say I'm quite uncomfortable with it. For starters, there's no particular indication that this was something Tolkien intended, but more crucially, Gollum as an addict doesn't really fit into Tolkien's scheme at all. In a novel about sin, corruption and the Machine that attempts to defy god by cheating death, to say that Gollum is "an addict" is like saying that the Iliad is about being horny. Sure, it is, but isn't this a bit trite?

We learned about Gollum's past and the fact that he used to be more or less a hobbit way back in Chapter 2 of the first book. This underlying similarity is highlighted in this chapter:

For a moment it appeared to Sam that his master had grown and Gollum had shrunk: a tall stern shadow, a mighty lord who hid his brightness in grey cloud, and at his feet a little whining dog. Yet the two were in some way akin and not alien: they could reach one another's minds.

What connects them isn't just their shared background and their experience of the Ring: it's corruption. Fundamentally, that's also what Gollum represents here: the ongoing corruption of the Ring. I don't think it's accurate to say that Gollum is "addicted" to the Ring; rather, he's been corrupted by it. For mortals, the ultimate boon of the Ring is immortality: Bilbo's longevity, but even more so Gollum's. According to Appendix B of my edition, Sméagol acquired the Ring in the year 2463 of the Third Age. Frodo and Sam capture him in March 3019. He's over five hundred years old.

"A mortal, Frodo, who keeps one of the Great Rings, does not die, but he does not grow or obtain more life, he merely continues, until at last every minute is a weariness. -- Yes, sooner or later - later, if he is strong or well-meaning to begin with, but neither strength nor good purpose will last - sooner or later the dark power will devour him."

This is how Gandalf descibed the effect of the Ring in Chapter 2, and it's crucial to understanding what the Ring is in Tolkien's theology. The Ring circumvents Mortality, one of Tolkien's three capitalized theological points. It is, therefore, a Machine: a thing created to defy God. Such a thing exists because of the Fall, and is dangerous because of the Fall. Even Gandalf is subject to the Fall and therefore corruption; mere mortals like Sméagol and Frodo all the more so. Gollum is living proof of the Ring's power, and of its corruption: he's lived for half a millenium, but at what cost?

The description of Frodo quoted above harks back to Frodo's conversation with Galadriel in the Mirror of Galadriel.

"I would ask one thing before we go," said Frodo, "a thing which I often meant to ask Gandalf in Rivendell. I am permitted to wear the One Ring: why cannot I see all the others and know the thoughts of those that wear them?"
"You have not tried," she said. "Only thrice have you set the Ring upon your finger since you knew what you possessed. Do not try! It would destroy you. Did not Gandalf tell you that the rings give power according to the measure of each possessor? Before you could use that power you would need to become far stronger, and to train your will to the domination of others.

What is Frodo doing with Gollum in this chapter, if not training his will to the domination of others? It's not clear if he understands it himself, but he's definitely being corrupted by the Ring. After the Mirror of Galadriel, this is the second significant stop on the way to the Fall of Frodo.

**

Next time: swampwalk.

Blood Bowl: Bleachers

The thing about Blood Bowl is how it brings everyone together in a joy of death. You have Orcs, Dwarfs, men and even Beastmen sharing the same stadium, and all desperate to see blood-curdling violence.
- Jim Johnson, Blood Bowl II

I quite enjoyed Cyanide's Blood Bowl video game back in the day, despite its many bugs and absolutely hideous AI. A sequel came out in 2015 and was available for something like €15 last year, which I think is an acceptable price to pay for a Games Workshop-based video game. In this case, it's a great deal: while the AI is still very bad, it's not nearly as ludicrously incompetent as it used to be. No longer will an AI team start its turn with an AG 2 player attempting three dodges and going for it in order to assist on a block, and even though I don't have the faintest idea how I can possibly get the achievement for an interception as the AI never, ever throws the ball, they occasionally even manage to score! Some twenty games in, I still hadn't lost, but I'd had to settle for a draw twice, and even ended up in overtime in an elimination game. All this made me want to do an offline Blood Bowl project as well; since I already have several finished teams, I started thinking bigger...

Eventually, I'd love to be able to build an entire damn Blood Bowl stadium, but I'll start with a single component: some bleachers. Working from the 6'×4' playing surface I've got at our cabin, I have a plan for a modular Blood Bowl stadium, and the simplest part is a 20cm×30cm set of bleachers. So that's where I'll start!

**

The components I'm using are:

- one sheet of 2mm thick balsa wood, 100mm × 1000mm
- one square dowel rod, 8mm × 5mm × 1000mm
- one square dowel rod, 5mm × 5mm × 1000mm
- one round dowel rod, 5mm × 1000mm

First, I used a craft knife and steel ruler to cut the balsa wood into three 300×100mm pieces, which were then each split into four 25mm×300mm pieces. I then glued 25mm pieces of 8×5mm rod, short side up, to the underside of each piece, so that a 5mm rod would fit in at the 50mm mark from each end:

What we have here is, if you like, a single bleacher, standing exactly 10mm tall. For this stand, we'll need ten of them. I'll mostly be trying to build my spectators out of plastic models, but if you're going to use a lot of metal figures, I'd reinforce these with a dowel rod lengthwise under the bench.

Then we stick them together! I've tried to get a 5mm overlap, to leave 20mm on each bench so the models will fit, but I mostly eyeballed it; after all, these are lower stands for a Blood Bowl stadium, they're probably built by the lowest-bidding goblin contractor!

Then it's time to reinforce the whole thing with the 5mm×5mm rod:

Finally, add supports cut from the 5mm diameter rod.

And it's finished!

I intend to glue this to a plywood sheet when I start building my modular stadium, but for now, it's done!

**

As I got started painting, I remembered that my original idea had been to use the leftover balsa to make a backboard for the highest bench, so I did:

I started by spraypainting the whole thing white and applying a coat of Cavalry Brown.

I then painted the tops and sides of the benches with a cross-grain coat of Mahogany Brown, to add a little depth and make them look slightly weathered.

And that's it: some spray varnish and they're done.

**

Stands are nothing, of course, without fans. Just as I was finishing my bleachers, the first batch of spectators arrived from Oathsworn Miniatures.

First up, Evil Reginald. He's a Starling Rogue, who I've painted up to look like Reginald from Nedroid was doing Shakespeare in the Park. Only the first part of that was intentional, the Shakespeare thing just kind of happened.

His feathers are Medium Blue, pants Neutral Grey, waistcoat Dark Red with Old Gold buttons, and the scarf is Orange Red. The base is Mahogany Brown, as is the dagger hilt and handle, and his talons and beak are Ivory.

Reginald will be joined in the stands by a Mouse Nun:

As well as one half of Reaper's Eastern Mouslings.

And an anime schoolgirl, because I didn't exactly know what else to do with her.

Here they are:

**

My second set of spectators starts with a Squirrel Witch, busy hexing the opposition or whatever it is she's doing. A fantastic model! I'm also definitely a fan of the Drunken Weasel.

As I was working on a Beastman project at the time, I had some Gors and Catachan bits hanging around, which led to these guys:

This is how you go from a laspistol to a foam finger in just a couple of easy steps!

Last but definitely not least: an Oathsworn Pug Bounty Hunter.

All the Oathsworn Miniatures are very high quality, and a delight to paint. Highly recommended! Here they all are:

**

That's it for now: I have a set of bleachers, which were easy and fun to make, with some spectators as well. Next time, I'll be mounting the bleachers on some plywood as part of my modular stadium project, and adding more punters! And I don't know, maybe we should also consider playing some Blood Bowl again...

CKII: The Great Mercian Interregnum

Last time, I chronicled the life of the Empress of Mercia, Éowyn the Great. Sadly, both of her daughters died before she did, leaving the throne to the least competent of her children, Emperor Cynewulf the Monk (1123-1155).

Cynewulf picked up where his mother left off: she had inherited a claim to the duchy of Orkney from her mother and, being Éowyn the Great, conquered it. Her son decided it might be nice to own more of Norway, and secured a foothold in Scandinavia.

Frankly, Cynewulf's stats were useless, and it's a miracle there wasn't a revolution. I tried to use the theology focus to get rid of his slothfulness, but it didn't work. A pilgrimage to Rome helped a little, though.

Cynewulf also joined the long line of Mercian hermetics, and I decided to break some new ground by creating a horoscope for his oldest child Eleanor.

Apparently the horoscope picks an attribute for the character that you can then encourage, or not. Eleanor got Intrigue, and I went with it, which got her a bonus and (maybe?) the Deceitful trait.

Meanwhile, through a sequence of events I don't fully understand, the Byzantine Emperor was a Taoist, and the Pope - driven from Rome to Germany by Byzantium - called a crusade on Byzantine Italy. Now, this was a little too Fourth Crusade for my taste, and with Taoist Byzantium capable of mobilizing 75 000 men, there was no way we were going to win this. I decided to participate by storming the strategically vital Byzantine stronghold of, um, Corsica. Handily getting everyone, including Cynewulf's oldest children, the twins Eleanor and Æthelflæd, the Crusader stat, and running away like hell as soon as the first massive Byzantine army showed up. Eventually the whole thing ended on an anticlimax when the Taoist emperor was overthrown and replaced by an Orthodox ruler.

In other futile holy wars, the party of 'Ali tried again, but they made only a token effort and were easily defeated.

Unfortunately, there were sad times ahead for the imperial family. Princess Eleanor died of disease, leaving her twin sister Æthelflæd first in line to the throne. A well-forged claim and a brief war gave Cynewulf the duchy of Vestlandet in Norway, but as he was fighting to secure the last of its counties from the King of Norway, he was killed in combat.

As you can see, Emperor Cynewulf the Monk never did improve his miserable attributes. But he did his best for his children, left a larger realm for his daughter than he inherited himself, and seeing as how he went out with a sword in his hand, he died his mother's son.

**

After Cynewulf's death, things became... complicated. He was succeeded by Empress Æthelflæd the Drunkard (1155-1162), which was a completely unfair nickname because she became Temperate almost immediately after receiving it. She also found the Seljuk empire in surprisingly bad shape, and launched a holy war on the duchy of Bahrain.

The war went well for the empire, but badly for her: she was terribly injured in battle and died shortly thereafter.

Both of Æthelflæd's sons took monastic vows during her reign, so the throne went to their sister, Empress Æthelflæd II (1162-1166), who was 14 when she became Empress. She brought the conquest of Bahrain to a succesful conclusion.

Sadly, Æthelflæd II only reigned for two years until she was assassinated - I have no idea by whom.

She was succeeded by her sister, Empress Cynehild (1166-1173). Her reign started with another Sunni jihad on Arabia.

She came of age defending the realm from the infidel.

The Pope was distinctly unhelpful! Can you imagine excommunicating a ruler defending themselves against a holy war?!

As the war was still raging, Empress Cynehild died giving birth to twin sons.

The older of the twins then became Emperor Eadfrith the Great (1173- before his first birthday, losing his mother and getting credit for defeating the Sunni jihad.

Some years into Eadfrith's regency, the Islamic world looked to be in enough trouble for us to try another holy war, this time on Basra.

The former Seljuk empire had split in half, into a Seljuk realm and the Persian empire, and while they were fighting who knows who, we took advantage.

This is what the map looked like after we captured Basra: the Persian empire is now the Taid empire, and they've lost a lot of territory to the Byzantines. With their holy places in Christian hands and their jihads failing, the moral authority of both Sunni and Shi'ite Islam has collapsed.

Meanwhile, as my regency neared its end, the inevitable civil war broke out.

During the war, Eadfrith came of age and turned out to be pretty decent at managing money.

The civil war, though, was going very badly. My troops were mopping up the Middle East just fine, but we lost a couple of big battles in England and were running out of money to hire more mercenaries - until I had an amazing stroke of luck.

With the leader of the rebellion in my hands, it was all over.

**

The civil war ended in January 1189. So in total, the 35 years since Cynewulf's death saw the reigns of three empresses, and a sixteen-year regency for Eadfrith, capped off by a massive civil war that, frankly, I was going to lose. In retrospect, it's kind of amazing we got through all that with the imperial line and realm still intact. You think that with primogeniture and everything that you can plan the succession, but lol nope.

Anyway, now that we have a young ruler with an impressive if somewhat unearned sobriquet on the throne, maybe we can achieve a little stability.

Let's Read Tolkien 52: The Palantír

The sun was sinking behind the long western arm of the mountains when Gandalf and his companions, and the king with his Riders, set out again from Isengard.

The king's party stops for the night in a hollow, and as they bed down, Pippin is obsessed with the orb Gríma threw down from Orthanc. Merry tries to dissuade him, but when everyone else is asleep, Pippin steals the orb from Gandalf and looks into it. Soon enough he screams loudly enough to wake the entire camp.

Under interrogation by Gandalf, Pippin tells that he looked into the stone, and soon enough found himself talking to Sauron himself. Luckily, Sauron seems to have thought that the stone was still in Orthanc, and Saruman was torturing a hobbit he had captured, so he didn't start asking questions.

Afterward, Gandalf discusses the stone with Aragorn and Théoden. They agree that it must be the palantír of Orthanc, brought from Númenor by Elendil. Aragorn, as Elendil's heir, takes charge of it. Just as they've finished their conversation, a Ring-wraith flies over them, riding a winged beast. Gandalf immediately sets off for Minas Tirith, taking Pippin with him to get him away from the Orthanc-stone. As they ride, Gandalf explains what the palantíri were - seeing-stones made by the Noldor in ancient times - and speculates on how the palantír of Orthanc must have been Saruman's downfall; he had kept it secret from the other Wise, and evidently been corrupted through it by Sauron. The chapter ends with Pippin falling asleep as Shadowfax gallops toward Gondor.

**

Unfortunately for the good name of Took, Peregrin son of Paladin seems to be the Fellowship's designated moron: from dropping rocks down wells to sneaking a look at the wizard's special magic rock.

Doing so, I think, makes him the only member of the Fellowship to have actually had a conversation with Sauron. Unless Olórin talked to him before the Fall or something. Still something you can put on your resumé, I guess. The effortless way he lifts the stone from Gandalf again makes you think there's definitely something to this notion of hobbits as burglars.

But there's something about Pippin's telecom experience that I don't entirely understand. When the palantír is thrown from Orthanc, it's described in some detail, and Gandalf says of it first: "It is not a thing, I guess, that Saruman would have chosen to cast away." And second:

Strange are the turns of fortune! Often does hatred hurt itself! I guess that, even if we had entered in, we could have found few treasures in Orthanc more precious than the thing which Wormtongue threw down at us.

So obviously Gandalf has some notion that the orb Wormtongue threw at them is a very special rock indeed. But then at the beginning of this chapter, Gandalf ruminates to Merry:

There was some link between Isengard and Mordor, which I have not yet fathomed. How they exchanged news I am not sure; but they did so.

Later, after Pippin has had his way with the stone, Gandalf says: "But my mind was bent on Saruman, and I did not at once guess the nature of the stone." Aragorn then remarks that now they understand how Saruman communicated with Sauron.

I don't know, maybe I'm reading this poorly, but if Gandalf didn't know what the palantír was, then why did he go on about how it was the best thing they could possibly have got out of Orthanc? Was he that convinced that the best thing Saruman has stashed in his wizard's tower was a cool rock that's hard to break? Maybe it's just me, but the transition from last chapter's "ha ha, Wormtongue threw a super cool treasure at us" to this chapter's "I wonder what this rock is" is a bit jarring. Unless the Lord of the Rings is a role-playing game, and the players forgot everything between sessions again.

In another startling leap from Tolkien's pages into the real world, Palantir is also the name of a surveillance corporation founded by the fascist and vampire wannabe Peter Thiel. In Tolkien's theology, the palantír seems to straddle the line between technology, which is acceptable, and Machine, which isn't; its rightful owner can use it, but it threatens corruption. The kind of surveillance networks that information technology is beginning to make possible, and the naked misanthropy of so many "techbro" entrepreneurs, would have horrified Tolkien, and definitely been, for him, an example of vanity and sin: the Machine writ large.

**

So, that was Book Three: from three guys burying their dead comrade to armies, battles and war. I mentioned that I think Tolkien is better with pacing than he gets credit for; he's also quite good at raising the scope of the story. We've now gone from some hobbits rambling around the countryside to all-out war and wizards, and even a personal appearance from the Enemy himself. Finally, we witness what is I think Aragorn's first act in his capacity as the heir of Elendil and Isildur, and Gandalf rides toward Gondor and the war.

Next time: some entirely different hobbits.