Blood Bowl: Hank von Helvete Memorial Fisher King Bowl: Griffon Gate Griffons - RagnaRock Ravens 1-1

Welcome to the Hank von Helvete Memorial Fisher King Bowl! The Griffon Gate Griffons, fresh off a high-scoring tie game against the league-leading Sheogorad Saints, have travelled to Norsca to face the defending Turboleague champions, the RagnaRock Ravens, in the inaugural Fisher King Bowl, dedicated to the memory of Hank von Helvete.

The Ravens' season debut is exciting enough that this popcorn goblin has made his way into the stands.

At the request of the Ravens, we're also busting out the big board for the first time. I bought a copy of the new Blood Bowl, because I wanted some of the miniatures and a second board; I'm really not sold on the rules, so I think for the moment we're sticking with the CRP. But here it is anyway! Since my team isn't playing, I'm giving the bastards the astrogranite side.

Both teams have played one game in the Turboleague, but the Ravens' earnings have been dismal and their team value is 60,000gp lower than the Griffons'. Therefore, the Ravens will be supported by a Bloodweiser Babe in this game. The Griffons are missing line-elf #9 Ammozalri the Patient, mysteriously stabbed by league scoring leaders unknown in their game against the Saints; he will be temporarily replaced by journeyelf Hank the Flamboyant.

**

As the teams lined up on the gridiron, the weather was unseasonally pleasant and the Griffons fans outnumbered the Ravens' notoriously frenzied supporters. The home team won the coin toss and elected to defer, so the Griffons went on the offensive. Prior to the kickoff, a memorial dirge was played.

The kickoff result was Brilliant Coaching, netting both teams an extra re-roll. The Griffons secured the ball, but a blocking attempt by Griffons journeyelf Hank the Flamboyant on Ravens lineman Per Yngve Ohlin went badly wrong and led to a quick turnover.

The Ravens mounted an aggressive defence, culminating in lineman #9 Tomas Haugen sacking Griffons thrower #3 Ferreha the Particular and knocking the ball loose. Ravens runner #5 Leifur Eriksson grabbed the ball, but as lineman #8 Reidar Horghagen ran to cover him, he fell over!

The Griffons capitalized, sending line-elf #16 Thakevi the Impetuous to sack Eriksson, which he did so impetuously that the Norseman was knocked out and relegated to the tender care of the Ravens Bloodweiser babe.

Meanwhile, Griffons thrower Ferreha the Particular recovered the loose ball and passed it upfield to Griffons blitzer #1 Bel-Zothius the Beast.

It ended badly for him.

Nonetheless, the ball was deep in Ravens territory. While the players brawled for possession, Ravens lineman Tomas Haugen scored his team's first casualty of the season by sending Griffons journeyelf Hank the Flamboyant off the field with an injury.

The fight for the ball ended in favor of the Ravens, and thrower Thor Åkenskaldi attempted a pass up the Ravens left, to blitzer #2 Harald Hårdare. The pass, however, failed, and the ball ended up next to the scrum of players on the line of scrimmage.

Griffons line-elf #10 Shirduzus the Discrete grabbed the ball and quickly passed it up the field to blitzer Bel-Zothius the Beast for his second career touchdown, putting the Griffons up 1-0.

On the subsequent kickoff, the electrified Griffons surged forward in a surprise blitz, knocking down a Ravens player. However, this proved costly as Griffons lineman #14 Tarec the Artist was pushed into the crowd! This was Tarec's second crowdsurf in two games, and remarkably, he's escaped both of them unharmed.

The Ravens grabbed the ball and thrower Åkenskaldi made a forward pass to lineman #11 Sven Atle Kopperud, who led the charge toward the Griffons end zone.

The Titans sacked Kopperud, knocking the ball loose, but the Ravens weren't giving up: on their last turn, lineman Haugen gave his all to make the end zone, falling down just short of his goal.

And so the first half ended with the Griffons leading 1-0 and down an elf, facing a RagnaRock possession to start the second half.

**

Eventful kickoffs continued into the second half as the Ravens started their possession with a quick snap. However, thrower Åkenskaldi failed to secure the ball, and the way was left clear for Griffons blitzer Bel-Zothius to charge in and grab the ball!

The Ravens quickly responded, and werewolf #4 Freki sacked the Griffons blitzer - and to everyone's horror, ended up holding the ball!

Ravens head coach A.A.A. Sjöfarare decided it was time for the Norse team to unleash their offensive specialty: the dreaded box-play.

The entire Ravens team vacated the center field and formed a tight cage around the confused werewolf. As their fans went berserk and chanted "box, box, box", the RagnaRock cage rolled inexorelably down the astrogranite field.

As the Ravens cage neared the end zone, they unleashed a spectacular attack on the bewildered Griffons, culminating in a pair of triple chain pushes -- almost certainly a league record. This bizarre formation is, unfortunately, known in the RagnaRock playbook as the Train of Flesh.

Eventually, the Ravens smashed through the exhausted and no doubt extremely confused high elf defence, and werewolf Freki scored his team's first touchdown of the season to even the score at 1-1.

As the teams lined up for the kickoff, someone from the stands threw a rock at Ravens lineman Kopperud, breaking his jaw!

When Griffons blitzer #2 Ghoryanus the Mighty went on to knock out Ravens lineman Ohlin, suddenly the numbers advantage had swung the Griffons' way. Griffon Gate's MVP from the previous game, line-elf #11 Shudris the Sage, retrieved the ball and passed it to his thrower for a completion. Emboldened by the gap in the Ravens line, the Griffons sent a line-elf toward their end zone and set up for another long pass.

The Ravens were quick to cover the potential receiver and get in thrower Ferreha the Particular's face.

With all this Norse interference, the Griffons thought better of the forward pass, and Ferreha the Particular returned a lateral to Shudris the Sage for his fourth completion of the season, tying Saints runner Jenassa Samarys for the league lead. This nearly proved costly for Griffon Gate as Ravens werewolf Geri came charging down at Shudris, but both players were knocked down on the play.

And that was how the game ended: an elf and a dog, both fallen over, the score 1-1.

**

MVP honors in the Hank von Helvete Memorial tournament went to Griffons thrower Ferreha and, delightfully, Ravens blitzer #1 Hans von Helvete. On the strength of their single inflicted casualty, the RagnaRock Ravens have won the tournament.

This was an entirely delighful game to spectate and report on! From the wide open play of the first half to the Ravens' parade-ground cage in the second, all aspects of Blood Bowl were on great display here. My sincere thanks to both coaches, and soon we'll have more!

**

League table [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, interceptions]

Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (2-0-2) 12 pts, 6-4, 1-6, 0, 5, 1

Griffon Gate Griffons (High Elf) (0-0-2) 4 pts, 3-3, 0-1, 0, 6, 0

Reid Death (Human) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 3-0, 1, 1, 0

RagnaRock Ravens (Norse) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 1-0, 0, 1, 0

Lake Bodom Carmelites (Human) (0-1-0) 1 pts, 1-2, 2-1, 0, 2, 0

Vindaaagh Pulling (Orc) (0-1-0) 1 pts, 0-1, 1-0, 0, 1, 0

Touchdowns:

Barenziah Targaryen (Saints) 2

Bel-Zothius the Beast (Griffons) 2

Raven Dren (Saints) 2

Freki (Ravens) 1

Harry E Mitchell (Death) 1

Irileth Targaryen (Saints) 1

Jenassa Samarys (Saints) 1

Sister Wilamina Ironbludgeon (Carmelites) 1

Tarec the Artist (Griffons) 1

Casualties:

Barenziah Targaryen (Saints) 1

Ed Ranger (Death) 1

Ernie R Jaurigui (Death) 1

Jay Blanchard (Death) 1

Sister Consuelo Mandanger (Carmelites) 1

Sister Eleanor Meatpummel (Carmelites) 1

Tomas Haugen (Ravens) 1

VIP#52 (Pulling) 1

Fatalities:

Ernie R Jaurigui (Death) 1

Interceptions:

Irileth Targaryen (Saints) 1

Completions:

Ferreha the Particular (Griffons) 4

Jenassa Samarys (Saints) 4

Sister Pearlie Stoneknuckles (Carmelites) 2

Darane Mencele (Saints) 1

Randall Gnant (Death) 1

Shirduzus the Discrete (Griffons) 1

Shudris the Sage (Griffons) 1

Thor Åkenskaldi (Ravens) 1

VIP#8 (Pulling) 1

Blood Bowl: Lake Bodom Carmelites - Sheogorad Saints

Tonight, my Sheogorad Saints are being visited by the Lake Bodom Carmelites (proxied by my Sisters of Shallya)!

After our excellently entertaining game against the Griffon Gate Griffons, our lineup is pretty much the same as it was for that game:

#5 Jenassa Samarys - runner (11 SPP, Dodge)

#11 Barenziah Targaryen - witch elf

#27 Vermith Targaryen - blitzer

#33 Raven Dren - assassin (11 SPP, Side Step)

#44 Irileth Targaryen - blitzer (8 SPP, Guard)

#69: Darane Mencele, line-elf (5 SPP)

#71: Hlireni Indavel, line-elf

#73 Brelda Quintella, line-elf

#77: Endroni Dalas, line-elf (1 SPP)

As well as journeyelves #75 Morgiah R'zamenar and #66 Nephithah T'rizaron. The Lake Bodom Carmelites are as follows:

#1 Sister Eleanor Meatpummel, ogre

#2 Sister Consuelo Mandanger, blitzer

#3 Sister Loretta Grundspank, blitzer

#4 Sister Divinia Gulagmangler, thrower

#5 Sister Pearlie Stoneknuckles, thrower

#6 Sister Wilamina Ironbludgeon, catcher

#7 Sister Claire Frankenbarrel, catcher

#8 Sister Cecilia Spitplow, linenun

#9 Sister Geraldine Skull, linenun

#10 Sister Josie Graveberger, linenun

#11 Sister Adaline Trapshard, linenun

#12 Sister Vita Shankcoffin, linenun

With three re-rolls, that adds up to a starting team value of exactly 1,000,000gp, meaning they get a total of 160,000gp in inducements; the Carmelites opted for an extra re-roll and a Bloodweiser babe.

**

I still quite like my Shadowforge minis (I've been painting some of the extra positional players) and I'm inordinately fond of silly Blood Bowl sideline figures, like this lovely Shadowforge Wicked Elf Camera Crew, who I mounted on a Citadel cavalry base.

And this Meiko Miniatures camera-goblin.

I also found this fairly ancient Citadel referee model in my collection, and painted him up; we now have a decently sized officiating crew!

With the media and officials in place, we're ready to play some Blood Bowl!

**

The weather started out perfect, but as the teams lined up for the kickoff, the few clouds cleared and the sun truly blazed down, hindering any passing attempts. Some ten thousand Saints fans showed up, slightly outnumbered by the 12,000 Carmelites fans who had travelled to the Dagon Fel Superdome to see their team's first ever Turboleague game. The Saints won the coin toss and elected to defer.

The ball landed way in the Bodom backfield, and as they secured it, an incautious Carmelites linenun #8 Sister Cecilia Spitplow was pushed into the stands by witch elf #11 Barenziah Targaryen!

Choosing an aggressive offense, Carmelites thrower #5 Sister Pearlie Stoneknuckles passed the ball forward to catcher #7 Sister Claire Frankenbarrel for her first career completion.

Meanwhile, Carmelites ogre #1 Sister Eleanor Meatpummel failed her third Bone Head test in a row. I improvised a suitable marker out of a Team Yankee die, so that project turned out to not be a total waste of time after all!

The Saints scrambled to stop the Bodom offense, and a mêlée developed on their left, with several elves and nuns falling over and the ball bouncing everywhere.

The Saints blitzers managed to secure the ball, but fumbled the handoff; after several blocks and changes of possession, Saints blitzer #27 Vermith Targaryen blitzed Carmelites thrower Sister Stoneknuckles, knocking the ball behind the Carmelites line, where Saints line-elf #69 Darane Mencele grabbed it.

Mencele, who was the Saints MVP in the previous game, passed the ball to witch elf Barenziah Targaryen, who ran it in for her first career touchdown and a 1-0 game.

At the kickoff, the sun's glare subsided somewhat, which bizarrely seemed to cramp the Carmelites throwing game; thrower #4 Sister Divinia Gulagmangler secured the ball, but twice failed to pass it forward to her receivers. In the midfield battle, however, the Bodom ogre finally got into the game, scoring the Carmelites' first casualty by taking Saints journeyelf #66 Nephithah T'rizaron out of the game.

In the closing minutes of the first half, blitzer #27 Vermith Targaryen again blocked the ball loose, but the Saints were unable to secure it and the first half ended with the home team up a goal and down a player.

**

The second half started somewhat ignominiously for the Saints when runner #5 Jenassa Samarys failed to pick up the ball.

Eventually she secured the ball and moved it up the field, and executed a perfect dump-off to line-elf #73 Brelda Quintella when Carmelites ogre Sister Meatpummel blitzed her.

While all this was happening, Carmelites blitzer #2 Sister Consuelo Mandanger dealt Saints assassin #33 Raven Dren such a ferocious block that she was initially feared dead on the spot. Through what was almost certainly Dunmer healing technology so advanced that it only appeared to be sinister necromancy, Saints apothecary Dr. Navaan succeeded in reviving Dren.

On the opposite side of the field, Saints line-elf Quintella managed to escape the rampaging ogre and hand the ball to witch elf Barenzian Targaryen, who ran in for her second touchdown of the game to make it 2-0 Saints.

The kickoff result was Changing Weather, as it was for every single other kickoff in the entire game, and the weather table result was "nice", as it was for every single kickoff in the entire game after the first one. The Carmelites were left with six turns to mount a comeback. To make things worse, the kickoff landed all the way in their end zone, where thrower Sister Stoneknuckles retrieved it.

Back at center field, rejuvenated Saints assassin Dren stabbed Carmelites #12 Sister Vita Shankcoffin, knocking her out. Witch elf Barenziah Targaryen collided with linenun #9 Sister Geraldine Skull, knocking both players down. The frenzied witch elf jumped up to block Sister Skull again and scored the first casualty in Saints franchise history, breaking the Bodom linenun's ribs and causing her to miss her team's next game.

Looking to close up the two-score deficit, the now outnumbered Carmelites sent their catchers toward the Saints end zone, and the Saints rushed back to cover them.

Saints assassin Dren, on an absolute tear, disposed of Carmelites catcher Sister Frankenbarrel by stabbing her; the Bodom player was carried off the field badly hurt. Carmelites blitzer #3 Sister Loretta Grundspank retaliated by knocking out line-elf Quintella. With the Saints clustered in a tight defence, it was all up to Carmelites catcher #6 Sister Wilamina Ironbludgeon, surrounded by dark elves.

Through an excellent series of dodges, and escaping an initially successful shadowing attempt by the Saints assassin, she made it clear of the Sheogorad coverage, and caught a perfect pass from Sister Stoneknuckles for the Carmelites first touchdown!

And so the Lake Bodom Carmelites Turboleague debut ended with a score of 2-1 for the home team, and a casualty differential of 2-1 for the visitors. Winnings were a miserly 20,000gp for Lake Bodom and 40,000gp for the Saints; MVP honors went to Saints blitzer Irileth Targaryen and Carmelites catcher Sister Frankenbarrel.

**

That was a fun game of Blood Bowl, and a real pleasure to introduce the game to another new player. I'm delighted that my witch elf, who's mostly been useless or absent until now, decided to really go all out in this game; two touchdowns and a casualty is a pretty amazing result for a single game, and it means she goes straight from 0 SPP to a level. The completion I luckily got the perfect opportunity for last game's MVP to score means I got two improvement rolls out of this game; both were new skills, no doubles.

The line-elf is an easy choice: I agree entirely with bbtactics.com that the first line-elf to get a regular skill should be a kicker, so Darane Mencele gets Kick. To mark her new skill, I made a running shoe out of green stuff and stuck it to her base with a magnet.

I quite like my skill markers, by the way; especially the Guard one has been invaluable!

The witch elf is a bit tougher; I'd love to have someone with Wrestle so I could bring opposing ball carriers down more reliably, but I've already been fouled so many times this season that I'm not exactly happy about having my witch elf lying around on the Astrogranite! So I think that as boring as it is, this time I kind of have to play it safe and just take Block. I'll think up a suitable skill marker for them for my next game.

That and another fan factor increase bring my team value up to 1,210,000gp, so I'm really hoping some of the other teams in the league get around to playing each other as well, or the team value gap will start getting uncomfortably wide. Still, it's been really good to play Blood Bowl again, and I hope there's more to come.

**

League table [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, interceptions, sacks]

Sheogorad Saints (Dark Elf) (2-0-2) 12 pts, 6-4, 1-6, 0, 5, 1, 0

Griffon Gate Griffons (High Elf) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 2-2, 0-0, 0, 2, 0, 0

Reid Death (Human) (0-0-1) 2 pts, 1-1, 3-0, 1, 1, 0, 0

Lake Bodom Carmelites (Human) (0-1-0) 1 pts, 1-2, 2-1, 0, 2, 0, 0

Vindaaagh Pulling (Orc) (0-1-0) 1 pts, 0-1, 1-0, 0, 1, 0, 0

Touchdowns:

Barenziah Targaryen (Saints) 2

Raven Dren (Saints) 2

Bel-Zothius the Beast (Griffons) 1

Harry E Mitchell (Death) 1

Irileth Targaryen (Saints) 1

Jenassa Samarys (Saints) 1

Sister Wilamina Ironbludgeon (Carmelites) 1

Tarec the Artist (Griffons) 1

Casualties:

Barenziah Targaryen (Saints) 1

Ed Ranger (Death) 1

Ernie R Jaurigui (Death) 1

Jay Blanchard (Death) 1

Sister Consuelo Mandanger (Carmelites) 1

Sister Eleanor Meatpummel (Carmelites) 1

VIP#52 (Pulling) 1

Fatalities:

Ernie R Jaurigui (Death) 1

Interceptions:

Irileth Targaryen (Saints) 1

Completions:

Jenassa Samarys (Saints) 4

Ferreha the Particular (Griffons) 2

Sister Pearlie Stoneknuckles (Carmelites) 2

Darane Mencele (Saints) 1

Randall Gnant (Death) 1

VIP#8 (Pulling) 1

Blood Bowl: Sisters of Shallya

When I was making an order from the excellent Eureka Games ages ago, I threw in a Shadowforge Nun Gridiron Team, mostly just for the heck of it, but also, when I was a kid, I did spend two years at a Catholic school still occasionally haunted by nuns. My current team is also made up of Shadowforge minis, and I like them. Now that there's suddenly a veritable horde of people around willing to at least try Blood Bowl, it turns out I have to paint yet another team! So nuns it is.

**

The Sisters of Shallya were originally nuns tending the temple of Shallya in the Ostland town of Salkalten, but when their abbess received inspiration from Shallya herself, or possibly from attending a football game, the sisters took to Blood Bowl to help fund their temple. They wear their monastic habits in the colors of Ostland.

First up, we've got the two guards, who I'm fielding as blitzers. Because I think the blitzers might otherwise be difficult to tell apart from the line-nuns, I'm painting the base edges according to my positional color scheme; the blitzers therefore have light green bases.

And then the throwers; the one reading a book is easily my favorite model in this whole delightful range.

The catchers:

And the five line-nuns.

Finally, foreseeing that I might want to try a human team with an Ogre in the starting lineup, I got one from Impact Miniatures.

Here's the whole team!

**

So, put these models together, and this is what you get:

1 Ogre: 140,000gp

2 blitzers: 180,000gp

2 throwers: 140,000gp

2 catchers: 140,000gp

5 linemen: 250,000gp

3 re-rolls: 150,000gp

That's straight up one million gold pieces with the models I have on hand, so I'm calling this a roster! They'll be in action soon.