Oct 5, 2011

Mojang vs. Zenimax: the court papers

We've been posting about Minecraft for a while now on this blog, but we haven't really talked about Mojang's ongoing lawsuit with Zenimax Media, owner of game studios like id and Bethesda. Frankly, we think the whole thing is stupid, and have been hoping that Zenimax would come to their senses. If you don't know what's going on, in very brief summary, Mojang are releasing a game called "Scrolls", and Zenimax are suing them over it, claiming it violates the copyright on the "Elder Scrolls" series.

Yesterday, Kotaku ran an article on the lawsuit that took a new slant on things by painting Mojang as the villain of the piece. Titled Mojang v. Bethesda, or: I Hate it When Mommy and Daddy Fight, in it author Russ Pitts makes the case that Zenimax are merely defending themselves against a nefarious bid by Mojang to "patent" [sic] the word "Scrolls" and thereby, in fact, sue Zenimax.

If one were to attempt to judge based solely on Twitter and the blogs, Zenimax would appear to be the bad guy here. Notch, perhaps attempting to bolster that perception, has put on his hurt face, claiming Zeni is "picking on the little guy." But after looking at Mojang's "Scrolls" patent application, I'm not so sure the case is as black and white as many would seem to believe.

(...)

In other words, Mojang intends to own the word "scrolls" in pretty much every form of visual entertainment media, not just in videogames. This means that, if the trademark is upheld, the company could rightly take action against anyone else using the word "scrolls" in any form of media whatsoever. Now, that would only be a problem if you were a successful media company planning to use the word "scrolls" in some form of entrainment media … Oh wait … that's right. If you're Zenimax, this trademark fucks you. Hard.

The Kotaku piece has generated some acrimonious commenting and twittering, including several people attacking Notch and calling him a liar. Now we're going to participate in the discussion! To be specific, three things annoy us about that article:

1) the cavalier approach it takes to intellectual property law

2) its misrepresentation of events

3) the fact that Kotaku freely admit they can't read the legal documents, but write about them anyway

For the last point, simply see Kotaku's article Notch Vs. Bethesda: The Court Papers, where they link to said papers, but admit they don't know what they say.

While Kotaku has the documents in question, no one here speaks Swedish.

That, of course, doesn't stop them from running an article where they make Mojang out to be the bad guys.

On this blog, however, we can read Swedish, so we've had a look at the court documents. You can find them here. They tell a story that's quite different from the one invented by Mr Pitts.

A disclaimer: we're not lawyers. We're just reading what we've been shown. This blog post simply consists of our personal opinions on the case and on Mr Pitts's article about it. As we've understood things, the legal documents published by Mojang are in the public domain.

**

Mr Pitts's allegation is that Zenimax are suing Mojang over Scrolls to prevent Mojang from, in turn, suing Bethesda over The Elder Scrolls. He puts forward the notion that Mojang's ""Scrolls" patent application" [sic] is so broad that if Zenimax doesn't sue to stop them, they will be in a position to stop Zenimax from releasing Elder Scrolls games.

If the trademark is valid, Mojang would be able to claim infringement and potentially take Zenimax to court. They might not win, considering Zeni's ownership of the trademark preceded Mojang's, but Mojang could force Zenimax to settle or face an injunction which would keep all of those millions of copies of Skyrim off of store shelves and out of the hands of gamers, depriving Zeni of many, many millions of dollars in revenue.

He goes on:

Seem unlikely? Think again. Companies do this all the time.

Using the power of hypertext, Pitts links to four examples of "companies doing this all the time" from that sentence. Let's look at them.

#1: Trench vs. Trenched

MCV: Trenched blocked by board game trademark

Upcoming XBLA title Trenched has been blocked from release due to a trademark dispute with a board game.

Eurogamer reports that the game clashes with trademarks held by an abstract Portuguese board game Trench. The trademark was filed by Trench's designer Rui Alípio Monteiro in 2007 and covers both board games and computer games.

Like Double Fine's Trenched, the board game is based on military strategy and is set during World War I.

The video game Trenched was eventually released as Iron Brigade. This doesn't seem to me to be a case of a company maliciously suing another to cause millions of dollars of damage; instead, the Portuguese board game's designer had a pre-existing trademark on a World War I game of practically the same name, which he was planning to expand into a video game. It seems reasonable that his claim would be upheld.

#2: Apple vs. Amazon

CNN Money: Amazon wins skirmish in 'App Store' battle with Apple

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) -- Apple has been dealt a blow in its "App Store" trademark case, with a federal judge denying its request for an injunction to stop Amazon from using the term.

Apple filed a lawsuit against Amazon in March, saying that it has used the term "App Store" since 2008 and applied for a trademark at that time. Apple argued that Amazon's "Appstore," an Android marketplace that launched in March, infringes on the trademark and is confusing to customers.

Amazon fired back, saying the mark is generic and therefore not protectable -- and even if it weren't generic, Apple "cannot demonstrate any likelihood of confusion."

Judge Phyllis Hamilton mostly sided with Amazon in her ruling on Wednesday in California district court, in which she denied Apple the injunction it sought.

Hamilton wrote that she "does not agree with Amazon that the mark is purely generic," but also said that "there appears to be no need for a leap of imagination to understand what the term means."

Apple failed to prove its main points, she said, including: that Amazon's "Appstore" name will confuse customers, that it infringes on Apple and that it dilutes Apple's brand.

Here we have Apple being the evil corporation that we consider them to be, effectively trying to make the word "app" an Apple trademark instead of a generic term. Again, I'm not sure how Amazon and Apple fighting over a word are anything like Zenimax and Mojang. Note, if you like, that even though the court didn't agree that the term is generic, they still denied the injunction.

#3: Tim Langdell vs EA

Techdirt: Court Denies Injunction Against EA Over Tim Langdell's 'Edge' Trademark; Slams Langdell

We've covered a few different stories about a guy named Tim Langdell who held a trademark on the term "edge" in video games, which he had used many years ago, and still sorta kinda maybe uses as part of his operation, "Edge Games." And yet, he seemed to think that trademark law means he owns the word, as it relates to video games, forever. So he's been threatening iPhone developers and sued EA, claiming the company's Mirrors Edge series violates his trademarks. EA has fought back strongly against the claims, and Brian alerts us to the news that a court has denied Langdell's injunction request and slammed Langdell in the process, suggesting underhanded practices which could result in criminal penalties.

(...)

When a judge calls you a troll and threatens you with criminal penalties in a lawsuit you initiated... you've got problems. Reading through the actual ruling is incredible, in what it describes about what Langdell has done.

The article describes Dr Langdell's doctoring of evidence, including sending the court photoshopped images (!), which in our opinion is more like fraud than a legitimate copyright case. Essentially, Dr Langdell claimed that his trademark on the name "Edge" stops EA from releasing Mirror's Edge, because it contains the word "edge". His suit was thrown out of court.

Dr Langdell is especially relevant to the case at hand, because Mr Pitts refers back to him later. But we'll get to that.

#4: Activision vs EA

Joystiq.com: Activision 'Rocktober' trademark conflicts with EA's Brutal Legend marketing

When Activision sent out a press release this morning regarding a Guitar Hero DLC discount, we couldn't help but notice a tiny trademark symbol dangling precariously above the term "Rocktober™." That got our mind grapes juicing: Isn't that the term EA has been using to market Brütal Legend's upcoming [strikethrough: October] Rocktober 13 release? It is!

Lo and behold, we turned up an Activision trademark filing for "Rocktober" dating all the way back to 2007. An EA representative was unable to comment at the time of this posting, but assured us we'll have an official statement from the publisher soon. We've also reached out to Activision for its side of the story. In the meantime, we've dropped the text from Activision's press release -- or as it's no doubt being dubbed by lawyers, Exhibit A -- after the break.
Activision press release:

The article doesn't actually mention either company suing the other, i.e. "companies doing this all the time"; what it says is that a third party noticed both EA and Activision were promoting their games using the word "Rocktober", which Activision had apparently filed a trademark on. This doesn't seem to have anything to do with the Zenimax-Mojang case.

**

Having provided these links, Mr Pitts goes on to directly compare Mojang to Dr Langdell:

Besides, if Mojang were as naive and innocent as Notch claims, why the far-reaching trademark application? If one were being generous, one could assume that Mojang is simply attempting to cover all potential bases, which, for a game as potentially all over the map as Scrolls could make sense. But if we're drawing comparisons to the case of Tim "Edge" Langdell (and I am), it pays to remember that Langdell was the one who applied for broad and far-reaching trademarks on the use of a single word, who attempted to sue EA over Mirror's Edge and Future Publishing over Edge Magazine and many, many other companies large and small, and who, ultimately, was pilloried for obfuscation and fraud.

While the comparison may seem attractive on the surface, it's rather more complicated than that. Dr Langdell seems to have effectively run a phantom game company, given that he had to photoshop and otherwise concoct evidence that he was actually doing any real business. As the court ruling puts it:

...given the suspect nature of Dr. Langdell’s representations to both the USPTO and the Court concerning plaintiff’s current and future sales and business activities, it is an open question whether plaintiff’s business activities legitimately extend beyond trolling various gaming-related industries for licensing opportunities.

The court effectively found Dr Langdell to be a copyright troll who maintains a fake game company solely in order to sue real game developers. So drawing a direct analogy to Mojang is a substantial accusation that we feel shouldn't be made lightly, or in fact at all.

**

So Mr Pitts's scenario is that Mojang are copyright trolling by launching a game called "Scrolls" and trying to trademark the name, planning to later sue Zenimax for infringing it with the Elder Scrolls series.

That's nonsense. Not because of any knowledge or assumptions I have about Mojang, as Mr Pitts puts it:

This begs the question of whether or not Mojang would ever do such a thing. "Surely the cute and fluffy, fan-friendly designers of the cult-hit Minecraft would never play such a down-and-dirty trick," you might say, and I, for one, would love to believe that to be true. But if you're Zenimax, and you're sitting on a multi-million dollar videogame franchise with the word "scrolls" in its title, you can't take that chance.

It's nonsense for a simple reason:


Mr Pitts doesn't seem to understand what a trademark is. Indeed, throughout the article he seems to confuse trademarks with patents. Trademarking a name doesn't give the trademark holder sole authority to decide who gets to use that name for any purpose. Mr Pitts claims:

In other words, Mojang intends to own the word "scrolls" in pretty much every form of visual entertainment media, not just in videogames. This means that, if the trademark is upheld, the company could rightly take action against anyone else using the word "scrolls" in any form of media whatsoever.

This is absolute rubbish. It is, however, delightfully taken to its logical conclusion in one of the comments to Mr Pitts's article:

They would own the trademark to anything with "Scrolls" in it. Not just use of the word "Scrolls" on its own.

Including libraries of historical documents.

Yes. Because that's exactly how trademarks work.

A trademark protects against products that might be confused for the trademarked product. For example, in one of the cases Mr Pitts quoted, a Portuguese game company successfully filed suit for trademark infringment against another company. The case was upheld because the WWI computer game "Trenched" was so similar to the WWI board game "Trench" that they might be confused for each other; someone buying the computer game might think it was based on or affiliated with the board game. That seems perfectly reasonable. It doesn't mean that no-one can ever use the word "trench" in the name of a game, let alone that the Portuguese company suddenly "owns" all World War I books or trench coats. Using Mr Pitts's logic, however, the Trench trademark would mean that no-one can ever include the word "trench" in the title of a video game. Trademark law simply doesn't work like that.

Mojang's trademark for Scrolls doesn't mean they've somehow "patented" the word "Scrolls", as Mr Pitts implied. It also doesn't mean they "could rightly take action against anyone else using the word "scrolls" in any form of media whatsoever". It doesn't even mean that they can sue anyone who has the word "scrolls" in the title of their game. No: it means that if someone else releases a game called Scrolls or something very similar, that consumers will mistake for Mojang's Scrolls, then Mojang can take action.

Under US law, in a case of trademark infringment the plaintiff has to prove the infringing trademark is the same as, or similar to, their trademark. The court determines whether the trademark has been infringed upon by using the "Sleekcraft factors", so named after a Supreme Court case that set them out. Those factors are:

1. Strength of the mark
2. Proximity of the goods
3. Similarity of the marks
4. Evidence of actual confusion
5. Marketing channels used
6. Type of goods and the degree of care likely to be exercised by the purchaser
7. Defendant's intent in selecting the mark
8. Likelihood of expansion of the product lines

In other words, in a trademark infringment case, the party bringing the case has to prove that they have a valid, pre-existing trademark, and the product they claim is infringing on their copyright is sufficiently similar that consumers can be misled into thinking they are buying one when in fact they are buying another.

Mr Pitts's scenario of Mojang suing Zenimax over, say, Skyrim, is patently ridiculous and would be thrown out of court in any jurisdiction. Zenimax have been publishing "Elder Scrolls" games for 17 years and, indeed, own the trademark to "The Elder Scrolls". To obtain an injunction, Mojang would have to demonstrate that their trademark to "Scrolls" (from 2011) is stronger than Zenimax's far older, better-established, multi-million-selling "Elder Scrolls" trademark, and that Zenimax are intentionally selling and marketing Skyrim in such a way as to confuse consumers into buying it, thinking that they were buying Scrolls. The very idea is laughable. We don't, for one minute, believe that Zenimax's lawyers really feel that a trademark on "Scrolls" would threaten their upcoming release of Skyrim.

Such a hypothetical lawsuit would be dismissed as pure trademark trolling, exactly like Dr Langdell's suit against EA was. Given that Mr Pitts diretly refers to Dr Langdell's lawsuits and the Trench-Trenched lawsuit, it's puzzling that he doesn't seem to understand how trademark law works. Mojang could not "rightly take action against anyone else using the word "scrolls" in any form of media whatsoever", because they don't have, and couldn't get, a trademark on the word "scrolls" in "any media whatsoever".

Mr Pitts makes much of the fact that Mojang's trademark application includes things like TV shows and clothing, again failing to understand that this trademark would only cover TV shows, movies, clothing and whatnot directly related to the game "Scrolls". It doesn't cover any movie or clothing line that uses the word "scrolls" in any context, just ones that could reasonably be thought to be related to the game. Just yesterday someone tweeted to Notch, saying Mojang's trademark of Scrolls "would even be hurting book writers". Again, this would only be true of books that could be reasonably thought to be connected with the game Scrolls, not any book with the word "scrolls" in it.

In coming up with a scenario like this, predicated on the false assumption that "Mojang owns the rights to the word "scrolls"", Mr Pitts is simply demonstrating his ignorance of trademark law. His notion that succesfully trademarking "Scrolls" would jeopardize Zenimax's Elder Scrolls franchise is nonsense. Notch has also since stated that Mojang offered to drop its trademark of Scrolls in exchange for Zenimax dropping the lawsuit, but this was rejected. That would seem to be the final nail in the coffin of Mr Pitts's theory

**

While we're puzzled as to why someone would write a lengthy attack on a game company engaged in a trademark lawsuit without even seeming to know what a trademark is, we're even more confused that the same author would posit motivations for Zenimax in filing the suit without having even read the papers they filed. As we mentioned earlier, they are available online, and make for interesting reading.

Zenimax's case against Mojang is based on the allegation that Mojang are deliberately releasing a game called "Scrolls" to fool customers into confusing it with Skyrim. Yes, you read that right. Far from claiming that Mojang intend to trademark troll them, as Mr Pitts maintains, they are postulating a conspiracy by Mojang to confuse customers.

Zenimax are claiming that Mojang are using the name "SCROLLS" to market "identical or similar" goods to those covered by Zenimax's trademark for "THE ELDER SCROLLS". Both terms are capitalized throughout. They assert (sections 3.1-3.5) that they own the trademark to "THE ELDER SCROLLS", have been releasing Elder Scrolls games for 17 years and sold millions of copies. That's fair enough, but then things start to get interesting.

They maintain that Mojang are using the "confusable" title "Scrolls" to market their video game to be published in 2011 (3.7), despite knowing about Zenimax's plans to publish an Elder Scrolls game in 2011. They quote an interview with Notch, where he says he's played Oblivion, to prove that Mojang know about the Elder Scrolls series (3.8).

In section 3.9, the conspiracy theory begins. We'll quote:

Vidare är klarlagt att Mojang är metvetna om den kommande lanseringen av THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrin och att Mojang har för avsikt att dra fördel av kännedomen om spelserien THE ELDER SCROLLS. Efter att ZeniMax tillkännagav att THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrim skulle lanseras den 11 november 2011 tillkännagav Mojang att de skall lansera den slutliga versionen av sitt första spel MINECRAFT på samma datum. Vid tillkännagivandet uppgav Markus Persson att datumet sammanfaller med lanseringen av ett par andra spel och filmer, däribland Skyrim, och att den inofficiella motiveringen var "us too" (Sv "vi också"), bilaga 9. Mojang har därefter antytt att spelet inte kommer att lanseras på detta datum. En samtidigt lansering av MINECRAFT och THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrim utgör visserligen inte direkt intrång i ZeniMax varumärkesrättigheter. Det är emellertid uppenbart att Mojang därigenom avser att i konsumenternas ögon koppla samman lansering av MINECRAFT med lanseringen av THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrim och därmed dra fördel av den internationella kännedom som upparbetats kring spelserien THE ELDER SCROLLS.


Our boldface. Translated, the last two sentences read approximately:

A simultaneous release of MINECRAFT and THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrim does not really violate Zenimax's trademark rights. It is, however, obvious that Mojang intend thereby to join in the consumers' eyes the release of MINECRAFT with the release of THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrim and thereby take advantage of the international fame of the game series THE ELDER SCROLLS.

That's... ridiculous. They're really saying that Mojang picked 11.11.11 as the release date for Minecraft in order to leech on Zenimax's PR, as opposed to picking it because, well, it's 11.11.11.

As a note of legal interest, they run through the criteria for trademark infringement, including similarity between the marks, the actual goods or services, and how well they're known on the market (4.2). And further, in 4.3-4.5, they make the case that the overall judgment on the case must take into account the likelihood that the "average consumer" will confuse the two marks.

The document refers to some cases brought before the European Court of Justice. In Gut Springenheide GmbH and Rudolf Tusky v Oberkreisdirektor des Kreises Steinfurt - Amt für Lebensmittelüberwachung, the ECJ ruled the following:

37 The answer to be given to the questions referred must therefore be that, in order to determine whether a statement or description designed to promote sales of eggs is liable to mislead the purchaser, in breach of Article 10(2)(e) of Regulation No 1907/90, the national court must take into account the presumed expectations which it evokes in an average consumer who is reasonably well-informed and reasonably observant and circumspect. However, Community law does not preclude the possibility that, where the national court has particular difficulty in assessing the misleading nature of the statement or description in question, it may have recourse, under the conditions laid down by its own national law, to a consumer research poll or an expert's report as guidance for its judgment.

Our boldface. This is effectively the same requirement as the wonderfully named "moron in a hurry" rule of English case law. Wikipedia:

It appears to have been used first by Mr Justice Foster in the 1978 English legal case of Morning Star Cooperative Society v Express Newspapers Limited [1979] FSR 113.[1] In this case, the publishers of the Morning Star, a British Communist party publication, sought an injunction to prevent Express Newspapers from launching their new tabloid, which was to be called the Daily Star. The judge was unsympathetic. He asked whether the plaintiffs could show:

a misrepresentation express or implied that the newspaper to be published by the defendants is connected with the plaintiffs' business and that as a consequence damage is likely to result to the plaintiffs


and stated that:

if one puts the two papers side by side I for myself would find that the two papers are so different in every way that only a moron in a hurry would be misled.

The "moron in a hurry" was also cited in the Beck v. Eiland-Hall case, featuring the infamous Glenn Beck.

So under trademark law, when Mojang has a trademark for "Scrolls" and Zenimax has a trademark for "Elder Scrolls", it doesn't follow that Mojang's trademark means they automatically own the rights to everything with the word "Scrolls" in it. Instead, as explained in Sabel BV v Puma AG:

Mere association alone is not enough to justify a finding of a likelihood of confusion

As we explained, Mojang's trademark for Scrolls doesn't mean they can sue anyone who has the word "scrolls" in the title of their game. It means that if someone else releases a game called Scrolls or something very similar, that consumers will mistake for Mojang's scrolls, then Mojang can take action.

Similarly, Zenimax's existing trademark on "The Elder Scrolls" doesn't mean they "own" that phrase or any of the words in it. Instead, to uphold their claim of trademark infringement against Mojang, they must demonstrate that a "reasonably well-informed and reasonably observant and circumspect" consumer would mistake Mojang's Scrolls for Skyrim.

This is what Zenimax sets out to prove in the papers they filed in Stockholm, and frankly, we find it amusing. The best part is 4.14:

Även innehållet i de dator- och videospel som tillhandahålls eller planeras att tillhandahålls under de motstående kännetedknen uppvisar stora likheter. Båda är exempelvis äventyrsspel som innefattar magi och utspelas i en bergsrik fantasivärld. Dessa likheter är uppenbara vid jämförelse mellan den officiella trailern för ZeniMax spel THE ELDER SCROLLS V: Skyrin som lanserades 23 februari 2011 och den första trailern för Mojangs spel SCROLLS som lanserades den 25 augusti 2011. Representativa skärmbilder och kopior av respektive trailer lilägges, bilaga 13-15.

In this section, Zenimax claims that the content of the games is very similar. The boldfaced sentence reads: "Both are, for example, adventure games that include magic and take place in a mountain-rich fantasy world." As proof, they offer the official trailer for Skyrim, which has mountains, adventure gaming and magic in it, and the Scrolls teaser, which has no gameplay footage at all, but admittedly does include some mountains.


This is where it all gets really stupid. On scrolls.com, the game is described as follows by Jakob Porser, its lead designer:

The game we envisioned had elements from the collectible card game genre as well as from traditional board games. It would be a strategic game with a strong foundation in tactical game play but with a touch of random and chance guaranteeing a never-ending stream of curve balls. You would control the outcome of battle by creating, modifying and refining your arsenal to overcome the obstacles in your path. The game would challenge you with ever changing content and let you explore the world and cleanse the lands of harm, one monster at the time. It would give you the opportunity to test yourself with your peers by battling other players using a long list of tournament templates ranging from friendly matches to ranked league matches. From quick, small sized tournaments to world championships!

Notice that it says "collectible card game genre" and "traditional board games". Here's how the game was discussed in an article on Wired UK this March:

Wired UK: Scrolls: Minecraft creators reinvent collectible card games

Swedish independent games developer Mojang, which is behind the phenomenally-successful Minecraft, has announced its newest title -- Scrolls.

Scrolls will be a hybrid of collectible card games, such as Magic: The Gathering, and boardgames. Players place different units, buildings and siege weapons on a virtual gameboard, assembling a collection of scrolls to play from before the battle begins. To win, you'll need to balance up spells, units, equipment and resources. Some sample cards can be seen in the gallery above.

"I don't think there are many similarities between Minecraft and Scrolls, if any," Jakob Porser, lead designer on Scrolls told Wired.co.uk. "I guess you could say that both games encourage the player to actively take part of the game and not just sit idle as a story unfolds in front of them, but as for genre they really do not have anything in common."

Where, in all this, do you get an adventure game set in a mountain-rich environment? Here's some sample cards from Scrolls. Cards, because it's a CCG.


How can anyone in their right mine confuse that with Skyrim? To paraphrase the "moron in a hurry" idea, how much of a moron, and in how much of a hurry, would you have to be to think Scrolls was Skyrim?

Here we'll gladly submit ourselves as evidence. It should be obvious to anyone reading this blog that its authors are complete morons. Yet even we never confused Scrolls for Skyrim. The short introductory text on the scrolls.com website was enough for us to realize that Scrolls is a lame Magic: The Gathering rip-off, and we're not interested. Meanwhile, we've been under the constant impression that Skyrim won't be a collectible card game but, in fact, a role-playing game. Or, if you like, an adventure game involving magic and all that.

As we said earlier, The Elder Scrolls series is a 17-year-old, multi-million-selling game series of no small fame in the gaming community. Indeed, Zenimax themselves allege just this in the papers they filed. Yet they're claiming that gamers will accidentally go online and download Scrolls, thinking that they're going on Steam or down to the shops to buy Skyrim. Further, they're saying that Mojang are deliberately trying to confuse people into doing that.

They go even further in 5.5, where they maintain that Mojang's plan to give out alpha versions of Scrolls at Minecon 2011 will "dramatically increase the damage to Zenimax".

**

In our opinion, there's no way any "reasonably well-informed and reasonably observant and circumspect" average consumer is going to accidentally download Scrolls, thinking that they're buying Skyrim. Surely gamers can tell the difference between a downloadable card game and a mass-marketed computer role-playing game. What makes the Zenimax case totally ridiculous is that they either don't realize that Scrolls is a collectible card game, or they're deliberately misrepresenting Scrolls to the court. We anticipate Mojang should have a fairly easy time pointing out that Scrolls is not, in fact, an adventure game involving magic, set in a mountain-rich environment.

Only a complete moron with their hair on fire could possibly buy Scrolls and think he had bought Skyrim.

We think - and this is pure speculation - that Zenimax were gambling on Mojang not risking a court case and the risk of substantial damages. Now that they are going to court, in our opinion Zenimax's case rests entirely on substantiating a plot by Mojang to deliberately hoodwink customers into confusing Scrolls and Skyrim. We find it hard to imagine that succeeding. Apparently Mojang feel the same way, which is why they're going to court. We applaud their bravery in doing so.

We don't know why Mr Pitts wrote his uninformed attack on Mojang and attempted to brand them as dishonest trademark trolls, and it would be illiberal of us to speculate, let alone to speculate on the motivations of people who were prompted by Mr Pitts's article to attack Notch on Twitter. We don't want to make the opposite case, either, and claim that Zenimax is an evil corporation bullying independent game developers around with its legal department, even if we wouldn't be the only ones saying that. We don't know if there's a villain in this story at all. Maybe Zenimax genuinely do believe that Mojang are dealing dishonestly, although we find that difficult to swallow. It's even harder to believe the case Zenimax are making. For all we know, though, they may even be right. We can't claim any insight into Mojang's operations.

Overall, we find ourselves at an uncomfortable impasse, because even though we think Mojang's Minecraft is one of the best PC games ever made, we think The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind shares that distinction. We were also pleasantly surprised by Fallout 3 and Fallout: New Vegas, both excellent Bethesda games published by Zenimax.

Even if there isn't a villain in this story, though, in our opinion Zenimax is certainly acting like one. Unless their claims of Mojang's malicious intent are conclusively and thoroughly upheld in court, this will look like a big game company trying to trample all over a popular independent developer. Even worse, they're grossly misrepresenting what Scrolls is in an attempt to get money from Mojang. If they were really this concerned about the integrity of their trademark, wouldn't they go after, say, the browser game "Scroll Wars"? That actually is an RPG, unlike Scrolls.

In this day and age, we think few people are going to side with the big corporation making unreasonable accusations against the cheerful, sympathetic indie developer. It's a virtual certainty that the bad PR from this lawsuit has already caused far more damage to Zenimax than any hypothetical Skyrim sales lost to Scrolls ever could.

As for Mr Pitts's article and the people attacking Notch and Mojang because of it, we can only bemoan the fact that in the Information Age, people can't even be bothered to find out what a trademark is before accusing Mojang of "trying to patent a word". Clearly these people have access to the Internet; they could try to make at least some effort to understand how trademarks work before, say, writing an article that tries to make Mr Persson into Dr Langdell. It reflects poorly on Kotaku that they should publish such an ill-informed personal attack during a fairly high-profile court case.

Sep 21, 2011

The clouds went away

Innocuously tucked away in the changelog for Minecraft 1.8 was this little item:

Cloud height raised to the top of the map, so clouds no longer go through buildings.

In other words, the clouds are now up in the sky, and we can't touch them. They'll always pass over our heads.

I started writing irregular Minecraft posts on my blog about a year ago. I remember how awesome it was when I finished my first tower. It had been a pain in the ass to build, what with the creepers blowing everything up, but I still remember how it felt to look down on the clouds from my tower:


In another tower I built, I had specifically sited the ceiling of my bedroom just above cloud level, so the ceiling would be periodically obscured by cloud. Of course clouds don't really behave like that, but what the hell, I liked it.

That's all in the past now, and it makes me genuinely sad. Far more sad, in fact, than I would have believed. I've always been fascinated by clouds, and I loved the notion of building such a tall tower that I could literally look down on the clouds. And now I can't any more, because... I don't even know why. I can't think of any good reasons for doing this.

For that matter, I'm not playing until the Endermen are fixed; Notch admitted it was "a horrible idea" to make them carry blocks, and I agree. Not only can they potentially destroy anything you've built, but right now, they can move bedrock. I don't feel like having constructions I've invested hours of effort in be taken apart.

For the first time, I'm totally bummed out by Minecraft. Hopefully there'll be an update soon to fix things.

Sep 19, 2011

For yer enjoyment

Excerpt from Chapter 16 of Rose Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by Keiran Halcyon:


Minnie walked towards ye forest; I followed uncertainly in 'er wake. We stopped just before ye tree line.

“What be we waitin' for? ”

“Our intentions t' enter ye Forest should 'ave been noticed by Cerelian, she will come shortly, ” replied Minnie, “I cannot enter with ye, 'n only with 'er by yer side can ye enter ye tree line. Avast!”

We waited for another five minutes until I heard a soft rustle o' leaves comin' from ye tree line. Out o' ye shadows o' ye forest appeared a tall naked wench. Ye first thing that caught me eye about 'er because o' ye contrast, were a dark triangle settled between toned 'n strong legs. 'er wide hips tapered t' a narrower waist, 'er stomach were flat 'n athletic, while full breasts were tapered with slightly brown nipples. Yarr! Intelligent blue eyes glittered in 'er narrow, pointed face, while a wild mane o' dark brown hair fell into ye small o'er back. Which I could hardly begin t' guess 'er true age for some reason, she seemed as hale as an old wench in 'er eyes, but still ye beauty o' youth adorned 'er body.

“Sister McGonagall, ” greeted ye druidess with a slight bow o' ye head. 'er voice were silky smooth, not like Professor Snape’s ominous tones, but almost seductive in nature. Ahoy!

“Sister Cerelian, ” returned Minnie.

“It 'as been a long time since ye embraced ye beliefs, ” said Cerelian.

“I 'ad t' honour a debt t' an old hearty, 'n 'awe been busy ever since, ” replied Minnie.

“The druids respect that, 'n respect yer decision t' remain in wizardin' society, ye would still be welcome with us at any time, ” said Cerelian. Avast, ye scurvy dog!

“I appreciate that greatly, Sister, ” said Minnie with another bow o' ye head. Yarr! Cerelian now turned those strange blue eyes on me.

“Are ye ye one who wishes t' learn 'n train 'n eventually become a Druidess? ” said Cerelian. Yarr!

“Yes, ” I answered shortly.

“Why would ye wish this? Why would ye so forsake ye comforts o' ye wizardin' world ye 'ave just barely entered 'n hardly understood?”

Me mind raced, it were clear that Cerelian knew about me from that statement. Minnie 'ad said she were in correspondence with ye druidess, what they said in ye letters I 'ad no idea, but it were clear now that Cerelian knew a lot.

“I shall be honest 'n say that at ye start, all I wanted t' do were practice Nudatio in peace at Hogwarts, as ye circumstances o' me first eleven years o' life were hardly ideal, clothes 'ad become an annoyance t' me durin' those years. Shiver me timbers! Minnie allowed me t' continue ye practice under ye initial pretence o' druidic belief. But as she told me more 'n more o' what bein' a druidess be ye more a sense o' rightness about it rang in me. Until I finally told 'er o' me determination t' train as she did when she were a druidess, ” I said with more confidence than I felt. Yar!

“Interestin', ” said Cerelian, a small smile graced 'er lips as 'er eyes surveyed me. Arrr! Which I suddenly felt a gentle ... somethin' lay itself o'er me mind ... but just as quickly ye feelin' were gone 'n Cerelian’s smile grew large. “You will do fine. Yarr! Please remove yer clothes. Shiver me timbers!”

Automatically, I fin'ered ye amulet 'n me ‘apparent’ clothes dissipated into thin air. If Cerelian were surprised she certainly did not show it. She turned t' Minnie.

“I thought it best t' get 'er started on at least one aspect o' druidism, ” said Minnie. Cerelian nodded.

“Thank ye, it will most certainly sawe time if she 'as gotten past 'er shame already. Ahoy! ” Ye druidess held out 'er hand. “Please remove ye amulet as well; I shall keep it safe durin' yer six week stay 'ere. Avast, ye scurvy dog! ” I reluctantly handed it o'er, 'n for ye first time I were completely naked as ye day I were born. “This be where ye must say goodbye t' yer mother. Avast!”

I sighed 'n with a heawy heart hugged Minnie goodbye.


***


First chapter from beckymac666's Forbiden Fruit: the tempation of Edward Cullen:


Chapter 1 - Altantiana

Shiver me timbers! Hey, me names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa). Which I be a 16 year old wench 'n I liwe in Forks, Washin'ton! Me hair be long 'n pale like spun gold 'n skims t' me waist like a pale shimmerin' amber mist. Me eyes be deep forgetminot blue 'n me delicate fentures be lilly white 'n pure as ye winter snow in moonlight. Arrr! I've been told by loads o' sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I be real pretty 'n look like a model or a bunny wench (some o' ye guys who like me be really old 'n try t' make opt with me its disgustin'n weird !) but basically a lot o' ye girls I meet tell a different story. They say I be too ivory white 'n ethereal 'n too skinny 'n that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful t' people with REAL eatin' disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! Which I eat loads I just never gain weight 'n I be not thin enough t' be anorexic anyways, I think they were just bein' BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freakin' DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I be not really such a batch but she be SO horrible if ye met 'er you'd think ye same !) Avast!

Anyways I be quite tall 'n slim 'n but with really big boobs that I used t' HATE because they look noticeable on me slender body 'n draw t' much attention but now i like them 'n don't care who stares at me! Which I 'ave a lip ring 'n recently put black 'n indigo 'n magenta streaks in me long pale blond hair. Which I smell like mint 'n cinnamon. Which I wear mostly black 'n hot pink, deep purple 'n neon blue 'n listen t' COOL music!

Yar! It be me first day at school in forks as I just moved 'ere t' live with new foster parents Dave 'n Marie. They be nice 'n all wery hole some sweet people but it be not like havin' a real family. I'we been hurt t' many times t' let people close t' me 'n I don't talk t' them wery much. Me real mom died when I were born 'n I never knew me real dad. Which I sometimes wonder what 'e be like 'n if I will ever get t' met 'im. Dave gave me a ride t' school 'n I smiled faintly as 'e wished me good luck 'n I got out o' ye car 'n went into ye school. Loads o' people freakin' stared at me as I walked down ye hall. Which I were wearin' tight black leather pants with silver chains at ye waste 'n a red fishnet-like top 'n ye could see me black lacy bra through it. Which I ignored whispers 'n ye big pink cheerleader imbosils pointin' at me. Which I were used t' it 'n I paid no at-tension t' ye guys askin' desperately for me number (like hell I'd even LOOK at ye horny little donkeys !) 'n told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica t' STFU (!) when she called me a freak! Next time she tries anythin' I'll hit 'er in ye eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore! Me first day I were relay board, I sat gazin' out o' ye window into ye gray cloud-embittered sky for most o' ye mornin', Me teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothin' cause they probably new I were a foster kid 'n a Gothic 'n didn't want t' upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

Me ears be pierced four times, I 'awe a tattoo o' a scorpion (like S me birth-sign !) on me ankle 'n a Gothic cross on me shoulder, 'n on me hand i 'awe a weird birthmark in ye shape o' a seven-pointed star that I've 'ad all me life. Arrr! Yer probably wanderin' why I be botherin' t' tell ye this, well I tell ye now I be no ordinary sixteen year old wench. Which I 'awe a secret, a dark 'n forbidden secret witch I be only just beginnin' t' understand. Yarr! When I sleep I hear whispers in another language 'n even though I understand them at ye time, when I wake up i can't remember it! Which I also see weird faces in me dreams that fade t' nothin'ness when I open me eyes 'n I swear out ye corner o' me eye me birthmark glows shockin' bright gold 'n gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it be back t' normal boarding scar-color! Which I be really gracefull like ye runnin' anti-lopes when I run wery fast 'n be stronger 'n faster than most people. Which I used t' just think i were relay athletic but now I be not so sure, I think there might be somethin' else at work, somethin' so much more mysterious 'n eeire. Shiver me timbers! Ye truth hovers so softly on ye brink o' me memory sometimes but if only i could remember ye weird things that clung t' ye edge o' me mind as I slept!

At lunch I sat alone in ye corner 'n scanned ye cafeteria quietly with me eyes smolderin' dark blue beheath me long black lashes 'n me slim thighs curled under me. Which it were ye n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopin'ly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells o' hot caramel 'n pale sexy features. Which 'e were tall 'n mussel 'n looked like 'e were wearin' eyeliner 'n me body got hot 'n cold all at once as I looked at 'im. I'd never felt this way about anyone before 'n I'd totally never felt this weird feelin' that I'd met someone before but I 'ad no idea where 'n i knew it were impassible because I'd freakin' remember someone THAT hawt! A wench sat next t'im with long brown hair with 'er arms dripped o'er 'im like a freakin' flesh-eatin' plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken. Arrr! She wasn't nearly as hawt as 'e were, she wasn't ugly though. Which I figured I were maybe prettier then 'er. Which I newer really saw meself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others 'ad said, plus this wench wasn't great lookin' but anyways I'd never try t' pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low. So I got up t' leave ye hall thinkin' I'd go 'n smoke some bald drugs in ye locker room while no one were there. Shiver me timbers! As I waked o'er t'e exit I couldn't help but notice ye hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine. Which I locked away hurriedly. Yarr! Which I smocked dope in ye locker room for a bit then I wondered t' me next class. Which I bumped into someone in ye corridor 'n me bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where yer FREAKING goin' ye asshole!" (i 'ave anger problems)

"I be so so sorry" 'e said in a woice like wet heaven "please forgive me me lady"

Which it were ye hawt pale guy!


***


And finally, chapter two from the classic Eye of Argon by Jim Theis:

-2-

Yarr! Arrivin' after dusk in Gorzom, grignr descended down a dismal alley, reinin'is horse before a beaten pub. Ye redhaired giant strode into ye dimly lit hostelry reekin' o' foul odors, 'n cheap grog. Ahoy! Ye air were heavy with chockin' fumes spewing from smolderin'torches encased within theden's earthen packed walls. Tables were clustered with groups o' drunken scallywags, 'n cutthroats, tossin' dice, or makin' love t' willin' wenches.

Eyein' a slender female crouched alone at a nearby bench, Grignr advanced wishin' t' wholesomely occupy 'is time. Ye flickerin' torches cast weird shafts o' luminescence dancin' o'er ye half naked harlot o'is choice, 'er strin'y orchid twines o' hair swayin' gracefully o'er ye lithe opaque nose, as she raised a half drained mug t'er pale red lips. Yarr!

Glancin' upward, ye allurin' complexion noted ye stalwart giant as 'e rapidly approached. A faint glimmer sparked from ye pair o' deep blue ovals o' ye amorous female as she motioned toward Grignr, enticin'im t' join 'er. Yarr! Ye barbarian seated himself upon a stool at ye wenches side, exposin'is body, naked save for a loin cloth brandishin' a long steel broad cutlass, an iron spiraled battle helmet, 'n a thick leather sandals, t'er unobstructed view.

"Thou hast need t' occupy yer time, barbarian", questioned ye female? Avast, ye scurvy dog!

Arrr! "Only if somethin' worth offerin' be within me reach." Stated Grignr, as 'is hands crept t' embrace ye temptin' female, who welcomed them with open willin'ness.

"From where d'ye come barbarian, 'n by what be ye called?" Gasped ye complyin' wench, as Grignr smothered 'er lips with ye blazin' touch o'is flamin' mouth. Avast!

Ye engrossed titan ignored ye queries o' ye inquisitiwe female, pullin'er towards 'im 'n crushin'er saggin' nipples t'is yearnin' chest. Without struggle she gave in, windin'er soft arms around ye harshly bronzedhide o' Grignr corded shoulder blades, as 'is calloused hands caressed 'er firm protrudin' busts.

"Ye make lowe well wench," Admitted Grignr as 'e reached for ye wessel o' potent grog 'is charge 'ad been quaffin'. Ahoy!

A flyin' foot caught ye mug Grignr 'ad taken hold o', sendin' its blood red contents sloshin' o'er a flickerin' crescent; leashin' tongues o' bright orange flame t' ye foot trodden floor. Yar!

Yarr! "Remove yeself Sirrah, ye wench belongs t' me;" Blabbered a drunken soldier, too far consumed by ye influences o'is virile brew t' take note o' ye superior size o'is adversary.

Grignr lithly bounded from ye startled female, 'is face lit up t' an ashen red ferocity, 'n eyes locked in a searin' feral blaze toward ye swayin' soldier.

Yarr! "T' hell with ye, braggard!" Bellowed ye angered Ecordian, as 'e hefted 'is finely honed broad cutlass.

Ye staggerin' soldier clumsily reached towards ye pommel o'is danglin' cutlass, but before 'is hands ever touched ye oaken hilt a silvered flash were slicin' ye heavy air. Ye thews o' ye savages lashin' right arm bulged from ye glistenin' bronzed hide as 'is blade bit deeply into ye soldiers neck, lopin' off ye confused head o'is senseless tormentor.

With a nauseatin' thud ye severed oval toppled t' ye floor, as ye segregated torso o' Grignr's bovine antagonist swayed, then collapsed in a pool o' swirled crimson.

Avast, ye scurvy dog! In ye confusion ye soldier's fellows confronted Grignr with unsheathed cutlasses, directed toward ye latters scowlin' make-up. Arrr!

"Ye slut should 'ave picked 'is quarry more carefully!" Roared ye wictor in a mockin' baritone growl, as 'e wiped 'is drippin' blade on ye prostrate form, 'n returned it t' its scabbard.

"Ye fool should 'awe shown more prudence, howewer ye shall rue yer actions while rottin' in ye pits." Stated one o' ye sprawled soldier's comrades.

Grignr's hand began t' remowe 'is blade from its leather housin', but retarded ye motion in face o' ye blades wavin' before 'is face.
"Dismiss yer hand from ye hilt, barbarbian, or ye shall find a foot o' steel sheathed in yer gizzard. Yarr!"

Grignr weighed 'is position observin'is plight, where-upon 'e took ye soldier's advice as ye only logical choice. T' attempt t' hack 'is way from 'is present predicament could only warrant certain death. Which 'e were o' no mind t' brin' upon 'is own demise if an alternate path presented itself. Ye will t' necessitate 'is life forced 'im t' yield t' ye superior force in hopes o' a moment o' carlessness later upon ye part o'is captors in which 'e could effect a more plausible means o' escape. Yar!

"Ye may steady yer arms, I will go without a struggle." Yarr!

"Yer decision be a wise one, yet perhaps ye would 'ave been better off 'ad ye forced death," ye soldier's mouth wrinkled t' a sadistic grin o' knowin' mirth as 'e prodded 'is prisoner on with 'is cutlass point. Yar!

Ahoy! After an indiscriminate period o' marchin' through slinkin' alleyways 'n dim moonlighted streets ye procession confronted a massive seraglio. Ye palace area were surrounded by an iron gratin', with a lush garden upon all sides. Shiver me timbers!

Ye group were admitted through ye gilded gateway 'n Grignr were ledalong a stone pathway bordered by plush vegitation lustfully enhanced by ye moon's shimmerin' rays. Yarr! Upon reachin' ye palace ye group were granted entrance, 'n after several minutes o' explanation, led through several windin' corridors t' a richly draped chamber.

Confrontin' ye group were a short stocky man seated upona golden throne. Tapestries o' richly draped regal blue silk covered all walls o' ye chamber, while ye steps leadin' t' ye throne were plated with sparklin' white ivory. Ye man upon ye throne 'ad a naked wench seated at each o'is arms, 'n a trusted adwisor seated astern o'im. At each cornwr o' ye chamber a guard stood at attention, with upraised pikes supported in their hands, golden chainmail adornin' their torso's 'n barred helmets emittin' scarlet plumes enshroudin' their heads. Ye man rose from 'is throne t' ye dias surroundin' it. 'is plush turquois robe dangled loosely from 'is chuncky frame.

Avast, ye scurvy dog! Ye soldiers surroundin' Grignr fell t' their knees with heads bowed t' ye stone masonry o' ye floor in fearful dignity t' their sovereign, leige.
"Explain ye purpose o' this intrusion upon me chateau!"
"Yer sirenity, resplendent in noble grandeur, we 'ave brought this lubber before ye (ye soldier gestured toward Grignr) for ye redress or yer all knowin' wisdon in judgement regardin'is fate."

"Down on yer knees, lout, 'n pay proper homage t' yer sowereign!" commanded ye pudgy noble o' Grignr. Arrr!

Shiver me timbers! "By ye surly beard o' Mrifk, Grignr kneels t' no man!" scowled ye massive barbarian.
"Ye dare t' deal this blasphemous act t' me! Ye be indeed brawe stranger, yet yer valor smacks o' foolishness."

"I find ye t' be ye only fool, sittin' upon yer pompous throne, enhancin' ye rollin' flabs o' yer belly in ye midst o' yer elaborate luxuryand ..." Ye soldier standin' at Grignr's side smote 'im heavily in ye face with ye flat o'is cutlass, cutting short ye harsh words 'n knockin'is battered helmet t' ye masonry with an echo-in' clang. Yar!

Ye paunchy noble's saggin' round face flushed suddenly pale, then pastily lit up t' a lustrous cherry red radiance. Shiver me timbers! 'is lips trembled with malicious rage, while emittin' a muffled sibilant gibberish. 'is saggin' flabs rolled like a tub o' upset jelly, then compressed as 'e sucked in 'is gut in an attempt t' conceal 'is softness.

Ye prince regained 'is statue, then spoke t' ye soldiers surroundin' Grignr, 'is face conformin' t' an ugly expression o' sadistic humor.
"Take this uncouth heathen t' ye vault o' misery, 'n be sure that 'is agonies be long 'n drawn out before death can release 'im."

"As ye wish sire, yer command shall be heeded immediately," answered ye soldier t' starboard o' Grignr as 'e stared into ye barbarians seemin'ly unaffected face.

Ye advisor seated in ye back o' ye noble slowly rose 'n adwanced t' ye side o'is master, motionin' ye wenches seated at 'is sides t' remove themselwes. Which 'e lowered 'is head 'n whispered t' ye noble. Avast, ye scurvy dog!

"Eminence, ye punishment ye 'ave decreed will cause much misery t' this scum, yet it will last only a short time, then release 'im t' a land beyond ye sufferin's o' ye human body. Why not mellow 'im in one o' ye subterranean vaults for a few days, then send 'im t' life labor in one o' yer buried mines.

T' one such as 'e, a life spent in ye confinement o' ye stygian pits will be an infinitely more appropiate 'n lastin' torture."

Ye noble cupped 'is droopin' double chin in ye folds o'is brimin' palm, meditatin' for a moment upon ye rationality o' ye councilor's word's, then raised 'is shaggy brown eyebrows 'n turned toward ye advisor, eyes aglow.
"... As always Agafnd, ye speak with great wisdom. Yer words rin' o' great knowledge concernin' ye nature o' one such as 'e," sayeth, ye king. Ye noble turned toward ye prisoner with a noticable shimmer reflectin' in 'is frog-like eyes, 'n 'is lips contortin' t' a greasy grin. Avast! "I 'awe decided t' void me previous decree. Ye prisoner shall be removed t' one o' ye palaces underground waults. Ahoy! There 'e shall stay until I 'ave decided that 'e 'as sufficiently simmered, whereupon 'e be t' be allowed t' spend ye remainder o'is days at labor in one o' me mines."

Upon hearin' this, Grignr realized that 'is fate would be far less merciful than death t' one such as 'e, who be used t' roamin' ye countryside at will. A life o' confinement would be more than 'is body 'n mind could stand up t'. This type o' life would be immeasurably worse than death. Ahoy! Shiver me timbers!

"I shall never understand ye ways if yer twisted ciwilization. Which I simply defend me honor 'n be condemned t' life confinement, by a pig who sits on 'is royal ass wooin' whores, 'n knows nothin' o' ye affairs o' ye land 'e imagines t' rule!" Lectures Grignr?
"Enough o' this! Away with ye slut before I loose me control!"

Avast, ye scurvy dog! Seein' ye peril o'is position, Grignr searched for an openin'. Crushin' prudence t' ye sward, 'e plowed into ye soldier at 'is left arm takin' hold o'is cutlass, 'n boundin' t' ye dias supportin' ye prince before ye startled guards could regain their composure. Agafnd leaped Grignr 'n 'is sire, but found a cutlass blade permeatin' ye length o'is ribs before 'e could loosed 'is weapon. Yarr!

Yarr! Ye councilor slumped t'is knees as Grignr slid 'is crimsoned blade from Agfnd's rib cage. Ye fat prince stood undulatin' in insurmountable fear before ye edge o' ye fiery maned comet, 'is flabs o' jellied blubber pulsatin' t'n fro in ripples o' flowin' terror.

"Where be yer wisdom 'n power now, yer magjesty?" Growled Grignr. Yarr!

Ye prince went rigid as Grignr discerned 'im glazin' o'er 'is shoulder. Which 'e swlived t' note ye cause o' ye noble's attention, raised 'is cutlass o'er 'is head, 'n prepared t' leash a vicious downward cleft, but fell short as ye haft o' a steel rimed pike clashed against 'is unguarded skull. Then blackness 'n solitude. Silence enshroudin'n ewer peaceful reind supreme. Avast, ye scurvy dog!

"Before me, sirrah! Before me as always! Ha, Ha Ha, Haaaa ... ", nobly cackled.

Sep 9, 2011

The worst summer ever for hockey

According to his Twitter account, when THN writer Adam Proteau broke the news of the plane crash that killed the Lokomotiv Yaroslavl hockey team to Chicago's Jonathan Toews, Toews said: "This is the worst summer ever for hockey."

It's hard to disagree. On May 13, New York Rangers enforcer Derek Boogaard was found dead in his apartment in Minneapolis. He hadn't been able to play since December 2010 due to a concussion, and died accidentally from a combination of oxycodone and alcohol.



On August 15, Winnipeg Jets forward Rick Rypien was likewise found dead in his home. After a ten-year battle with depression, Rypien had committed suicide.



Just a few weeks later, former NHL enforcer Wade Belak was found dead. According to the Star, he had hanged himself.



**

As if all this wasn't enough, this Wednesday the Yak-42 passenger jet carrying the KHL's Lokomotiv Yaroslavl team crashed on takeoff, killing the entire team except one forward, Alexander Galimov, who was in critical condition at the time of writing.

This was the third plane crash to hit a major hockey team. On February 13th, 1975, a plane carrying Frölunda players crashed near Gävle in Sweden, leaving seven players injured. In 1950, a Li-2 transport plane crashed near Sverdlovsk in the Soviet Union, killing the whole Soviet Air Force hockey team.

Among the dead in Wednesday's crash are one of the four first Russian players to ever win the Stanley Cup, assistant coach Alexander Karpovtsev, also a 1993 world champion.



Coach Brad McCrimmon, a Stanley Cup winner with the Calgary Flames.



2005 world champion and 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, Josef Vašíček.



2006 Olympic gold medalist and world champion Stefan Liv.



2010 world champion and two-time inline hockey world champion Karel Rachůnek.



2010 world champion Jan Marek.



2000 Lady Byng Memorial Trophy winner Pavol Demitra.


2003 Stanley Cup finalist and NHL veteran Ruslan Salei.



NHL veteran Kārlis Skrastiņš.



32 other players, coaches, staff and airline crew also died in the accident.

I was planning on writing a season preview for the NHL, but I ended up having to write this. This has to be the most tragic off-season and beginning of the new season ever in hockey. It's simply terrible how many people have died. Our thoughts and condolences are with the nearest and dearest of everyone who passed away.

Aug 24, 2011

Watch the grass grow

You remember my underground garden? It's coming along nicely:



The problem is, though, that trees growing on plain dirt don't look very foresty. I'll need grass, but here's the catch: while grass is generated whenever a new chunk is generated, apart from that, the only way to get grass is by making it spread from one tile to another. In other words:











And before long:











Until finally:



Did it take long? Yes.

Aug 22, 2011

Musical Voight-Kampff test

Go listen to some Blast Surf on Grooveshark. It's music by a friend of mine; Finnish readers can read his "press release" here.

In our opinion, this album would work perfectly as a musical Voight-Kampff test. If the first song doesn't make you smile, there's a very good chance that you're a replicant.

Enjoy.

Aug 12, 2011

Mojang Milestone

The Swedish indie developer Mojang recently sold the three millionth copy of their flagship product, the block placing game Minecraft. Congratulations, guys! Not bad for a game still in beta.



Minecraft was initially a one-man project by game developer Markus Persson, based on Infiniminer by indie developer Zachtronics Industries.



Here's a picture of Markus, also known by his nickname, Notch.



The success of Minecraft has allowed Markus to found his own game development company, Mojang AB.



While much of the work at Mojang is put in the ongoing development of Minecraft, Mojang has a second team working on a separate game, Scrolls.



As more and more people have become familiar with Minecraft, many people have become curious about the company's unusual name. I, too, wondered what it meant, but luckily my online detective skills allowed me to find the answer.

It turns out that "mojang" is Sundanese for "girl".



It's often used in a phrase "mojang Bandung", literally "girl from Bandung". Figuratively it means a pretty girl, Bandung having a reputation for beautiful girls.



Now that we've cleared the mystery of their name, let's have a look at what's going on at Mojang's offices.