HKIRBBTL: Murderers-Buccaneers 0-2

Brutal Dark Elf action from the HKIRBBTL! Report courtesy of the Buccaneers' head coach.

HOME Blood River Buccaneers: Score= 2, Fame=1, MVP= #7 Mordak Blackheart, Winnings= 80,000 gp
AWAY Mephala's Murderers: Score= 0, Fame=0, MVP= #16 Savule Uvalor, Winnings= 30,000 gp
Weather: Nice
Fans: 15,000

1st HALF (Murderers kicking)
Kick off = Perfect defense

T1: #7 Mordak Blackheart picks up the ball and passes a quick pass to #11 Clarius Vile to ensure a level up
T1: #8 Nasty Narsil blitzes #9 Balyn Omavel (assassin), who was left unprotected (SI, misses next match)
T1: Journeyman KO's #11 Vatollia Apo
T1: #5 Hehtar tries to block #1 Dranas Dradas and gets KO'd (double skulls)

t3: #7 Shishi Yanumibaal blitzes #11 Clarius Vile and knocks the ball loose

Story of 1st half: the elves were pushing each other around and nobody seemed to have any interest in playing the ball.

T6: #3 Malsadrian KO's #5 Giron Manas
T6: #11 Clarius Vile KO's #1 Dranas Dradas
T6: #6 Galfir fails to pick up the ball and it scatters to #11 Clarius Vile

t6: #2 Nina blitzes #11 Clarius Vile, who dump-offs to #6 Galfir

t7: #13 Tussurradad dodges and blitzes #6 Galfir, who is in a scoring position (both down). Ball scatters loose
T8: With no re-rolls left, #6 Galfir gets up and manages to pick up the ball, scoring the first touchdown

As the Murderers' dugout begun to fill, the Buccaneers were finally able to break through. 1. Tussurradad dodges and blitzes ball carrier (1x go for it) -> both down 2. ball scatters 3. Galfir stands up, picks up the ball and scores

2nd HALF (Buccaneers kicking, Murderers short-handed with 10 players)
Kick off = Weather changes -> nice

t1: #13 Tussurradad blocks and rolls both down, causing a turnover

t3: #7 Shishi Yanumibaal completes a quick pass to #5 Giron Manas

T4: Journeyman blocks #2 Nina (badly hurt)

After a quick turnover in Murderers turn 1, the Buccaneers were able to take initiative and swarmed the short-handed receivers, stopping their offense in its tracks for the majority of the round.

T6: #5 Giron Manas gets blitzed, fumbles a dump-off and the ball gets loose

t7: #13 Tussurradad picks up the ball, dodges and passes a short pass to #7 Shishi Yanumibaal

T7: #? knocks down #7 Shishi Yanumibaal, #6 Galfir picks up the ball and passes a quick pass to #8 Nasty Narsil, who fails to cath. The ball scatters

t8: #Shishi Yanumibaal gets a hold of the ball, but running out of time, decides not to throw

T8: #7 Mordak Blackheart blitzes #7 Shishi Yanumibaal into the crowd. The ball gets thrown into the Buccaneers' defensive zone. #9 Avil Darksoul manages to get a hold of the ball by going for it two times. He then passes a long pass to #3 Malsadrian, who dodges and goes to hand-off the ball to #2 Tyrim. He gets the ball, dodges free and scores a touchdown to end the game

The crazy last turn touchdown. 1. #7 Shishi Yanumibaal has the ball, #5 Hehtar pushes her to the sidelines 2. #7 Mordak Blackheart Blitzes Shishi into the crowd, where she receives a well deserved beating (badly hurt) 3. the ball is thrown deep into the Buccaneer's defensive zone, seemingly out of reach 4. going for it two times, #9 Avil Darksoul is able to recover the ball and 5.using the last re-roll, passes it to #3 Malsadrian (long pass) 6. Malsadrian dodges and hand-offs the ball to #2 Tyrim, who 7. dodges free and scores.


**

League table: [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, sacks]

Brutes (1-0-0) 3 pts, 1-0, 2-0, 0, 0, 0-1
Buccaneers (1-1-0) 3 pts, 2-1, 2-2, 0, 4, 2-2
Murderers (0-1-0) 0 pts, 0-2, 0-3, 0, 2, 2-1
Mütants (0-0-0)
Ravens (0-0-0)
Titans (0-0-0)
Warriors (0-0-0)

Individual statistics:

Touchdowns:

Galfir (Buccaneers): 1
Galhag (Brutes): 1
Tyrim (Buccaneers): 1

Casualties:

Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (Brutes): 1
Dark Elf journeyman (Buccaneers): 1
Nasty Narsil (Buccaneers): 1
Urghuk (Brutes): 1

Completions:

Clarius Vile (Buccaneers): 2
Avil Darksoul (Buccaneers): 1
Mordak Blackheart (Buccaneers): 1
Shishi Yanumibaal (Murderers): 1
Tussurradad (Murderers): 1

Sacks:

Mordak Blackheart (Buccaneers): 1
Shishi Yanumibaal (Murderers): 1
Tussurradad (Murderers): 1
Tyrim (Buccaneers): 1

Figure skating!

Now that I've finished watching the European figure skating championships, it occurs to me that I haven't waxed pictorial about that sport at all.

Bad news first: my favorite skater, the wonderful Alena Leonova, finished a lowly seventh with what looked like an injured leg. She clearly wasn't on her game, which is a damn shame, because she's far and away the best performer in the sport today. Her Pirates of the Caribbean routine last year was unforgettable.

We were very impressed with the young Polina Korobeynikova's free program, which propelled her to a creditable fourth spot.

France's Yrétha Silété and Latvia's Alina Fjodorova also impressed us. Korobeynikova was only just beat to the bronze medal by Georgia's Elene Gedevanishvili, and because Google image search produced a totally gratuitous bikini shot of her, I'm posting it here.



The immensely beautiful and skilled Kiira Korpi took home her first-ever Euro silver medal, looking fabulous in black:

The gold medal, however, went to Italy's Caroline Kostner. Hey, another bikini picture! Thanks, Google.

Don't tell me she ain't cute. A hell of a skater, too; it's amazing how easy she makes it look. We're already looking forward to the World Championships in March!

HKIRBBTL: First blood! Brutes-Buccaneers 1-0

Here's the play-by-play from the first game in the league! Report courtesy of the Brutes coach.

HOME Blood River Buccaneers: Score= 0, Fame=0, MVP= #7 Mordak Blackheart, Winnings= 50,000 gp
AWAY Braga's Brutes: Score= 1, Fame=1, MVP= #10 Slib'ry Ands, Winnings= 80,000 gp
Weather: Nice
Fans: 10,000

1st HALF (Buccaneers kicking):
Kick off = High Kick / #11 Galhag catches
T1: #1 Braga starts game with double skulls, uses reroll
T4: #1 Braga blitzes #8 Nasty Narsil into the crowd
T6: #1 Braga blocks #4 Mornil -> SI=serious concussion -1AV (Braga da 'Ed Bash'a thumps his chest and roars "Wesha be doing in yar nogin!!!")
T7: #11 Galhag uses last re-roll to dodge...and it's a TD!
Kick off = High Kick / #11 Clarius Vile catches
T7: #7 Mordak Blackheart KOs #10 Slib'ry Ands
T8: #11 Clarius Vile tries to earn an easy SPP via Quick Pass, but fumbles

2nd HALF (Brutes kicking / Buccaneers short handed, 9 players
Kick Off = High Kick / #11 Clarius Vile catches
T2: #5 Sorgask blitzes the ball carrier #11 Clarius Vile with 1 die who then Dumps-Off to #2 Tyrim
T3: Inaccurate pass by #2 Tyrim, #1 Braga fails interception -> TURNOVER
T3: #10 Slib'ry Ands picks up the ball
T5: #2 Tyrim blitzes and KOs ball carrier Slib'ry Ands(#10), both down -> TURNOVER
T5: #6 Urghuk blitzes #11 Clarius Vile -> BH...revenge for the dump-off
T6: #4 Azgrum KOs #10 Athlan Icecold ...no pun intended
T7: #14 Khali fails to dodge from #8 Galoth -> KO / TURNOVER

Final score: Brutes 1 - Buccaneers 0.

**

League table: [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, sacks]

Brutes (1-0-0) 3 pts, 1-0 goal dif, 2-0 cas., 0 fatalities, 0 comp., 0-1 sacks
Buccaneers (0-1-0) 0 pts, 0-1, 0-2, 0, 1, 1-0
Murderers (0-0-0)
Mütants (0-0-0)
Ravens (0-0-0)
Titans (0-0-0)
Warriors (0-0-0)

Individual statistics:

Touchdowns:

Galhag (Brutes): 1

Casualties:

Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (Brutes): 1
Urghuk (Brutes): 1

Completions:

Clarius Vile (Buccaneers): 1

Sacks:

Tyrim (Buccaneers): 1

Hitler hears Frontside Ollie

Here's a little something for our readers in Finland.

Ravens-Patriots preview

The AFC title is on the line today, and we'll be watching. My buddy Aaro supports the Ravens, but according to her Twitter account, the beautiful Gemma Atkinson supports the Patriots.

That's all I got, folks. Enjoy the game!

Sweden and Finland still enforcing mandatory sterilization

There's been a campaign going on in Sweden for a good while to change a law that requires people undergoing a sex change to be sterilized (read more here). Unfortunately, the Swedish Christian Democrat party is stopping the reform from happening. Meanwhile, in Finland, we have an identical law, but no-one cares, so there isn't even a campaign against it.

There was a pretty good text on the whole thing here, and I blogged about the Finnish legislation earlier (in Finnish) here.

SOPA and all that: the view from Finland

Yeah, I'm not blacked out because I'm lazy. But I'm delighted that so many websites, from Wikipedia on down, are protesting the idiotic legislation proposed in the US. US laws on copyright and the Internet make a huge difference for the rest of the world as well, especially since if the US passes a law like this, European legislators will inevitably use that as momentum to pass similar ones here, if they're not directly pressured into it by the States.

We in Finland should be especially wary, as we've had some nightmarish experiences with Internet censorship before. One of the first posts I made in this blog was a very poorly written rant on the Finnish "child pornography" censorship bill, which permitted the Finnish state police to set up a secret blacklist of foreign child pornography sites that ISPs would be voluntarily forced to block access to. Shortly after the list was launched, a Finnish website criticizing this was put on the list, in blatant violation of the law. After years in court and endless obfuscation by the Finnish police, the Finnish justice system decided that it had, in fact, been wrong to censor a Finnish page containing no child pornography under a law that allows censoring foreign-based child pornography websites. However, none of the police officers responsible could be reprimanded in any way, as they can't be expected to understand the laws they enforce. I'm not making that up.

So the previous time Finland tried a censorship blacklist, it took literally days to expand beyond its original purpose into censoring criticism of the police and government. In the same decade, in a country where smashing a disabled person's head into the wall while raping them doesn't get you a prison sentence, creating parody blogs does. Last year, the Finnish police requested a law banning "approving" discussions of child pornography, and of course, we now have Internet censorship again with the Pirate Bay ban. So in effect, Finland already has SOPA.

By the way, if you criticize any of this, the MPAA thinks you're a corporate pawn.

In the middle of all this, it would be good to remember that I'm writing this blog post on Blogger, and because of Sweden's FRA law, the Swedish military can read this as it's written, along with my personal e-mails and everything else I do online. Lately, some US jurisdictions have started shutting down cellphone services to hinder demonstrations, and similar moves are mooted in the UK.

The defining struggle of our time is between a "total state", bent on using information technology to monitor and regulate everything we do, and between a civil society that paradoxically uses that same technology to create new forms of communication that constantly elude those controls. Put simply, I believe that in the long run, our alternatives are an Orwellian surveillance state or a free information society. Will information technology be used to repress us or liberate us? That's what this is about, and it's the most important political struggle of our age.

HKIRBBTL 2012 season

I'm very pleased to announce the start of the inaugural season of the Helsinki-Kotka Interregional Blood Bowl Turboleague! We have seven participating teams:

3rd Street Mütants (Chaos)
Blood River Buccaneers (Dark Elf)
Braga's Brutes (Orc)
Mephala's Murderers (Dark Elf)
Ragnarock Ravens (Norse)
Tlaxtlan Warriors (Lizardmen)
Tor Achare Titans (High Elf)

The regular season starts now! Each team will play two games against every opponent, and when the regular season is over, all seven teams will be sorted into playoff brackets, with the regular season winner skipping the first round and teams reseeded after the first round. A win is worth three points in the standings, a loss none and if the game is tied after regulation, no overtime will be played and one point is awarded to each team for a tie. The standings will be posted here regularly, along with player statistics and hopefully some kind of game recaps.

Let's play!

HKIRBBTL: Blood River Buccaneers

More teams! This time, the Dark Elf Blood River Buccaneers.

Roster:

#2 Tyrim (lineman)
#3 Malsadrian (lineman)
#4 Mornil (lineman)
#5 Hehtar (lineman)
#6 Galfir (lineman)
#7 Mordak Blackheart (blitzer)
#8 Nasty Narsil (blitzer)
#9 Avil Darksoul (blitzer)
#10 Athlan Icecold (blitzer)
#11 Clarius Vile (runner)
#14 Khali (lineman)

Head coach: Mikhos Avolathir

The team has two re-rolls, for a total value of 1,000,000 gp.

HKIRBBTL: Mephala's Murderers

Introducing the Dark Elf team Mephala's Murderers:



The roster:

1 Dranas Dradas, blitzer
2 Nina, blitzer
5 Giron Manas, runner
7 Shishi Yanumibaal, witch elf
9 Balyn Omavel, assassin
11 Vatollia Apo, lineman
12 Assaba-Bentus, lineman
13 Tussurradad, lineman
14 Abassel Asserbassalit, lineman
15 Nilos Talds, lineman
16 Savure Uvalor, lineman

Head Coach: Eno Hlaalu

The team has two rerolls for a total starting cost of 1,000,000 gp.

HKIRBBTL: Braga's Brutes

I'm very happy to introduce the next team to sign up for the Helsinki-Kotka Interregional Blood Bowl Turboleague: Braga's Brutes.

And here, from the coach himself, is the roster and some background:

01. Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (Black Orc)
02. Morgur (Black Orc)
03. Roflog (Black Orc)
04. Azgrum (Black Orc)
05. Sorgask (Blitzer)
06. Urghuk (Blitzer)
07. Grambad (Blitzer)
08. Galoth (Blitzer)
09. Grab da Bol (Thrower)
10. Slib'ry Ands (Thrower)
11. Galhag (Lineman)

Plus two re-rolls and an apothecary, for a total team value of 1,000,000 gold.

Coach: Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (yes, he actually plays on the pitch)

Team slogan: Wesha be doing in yar nogin!

"Staggering out of the Blasted Wastes came one of the the mightiest warlords of orc history, Grimgor Ironhide. His renowned bodyguards, or "Immortulz" as they are known in orcish legend, were made of the strongest, most battle-hardened and meanest Black Orc you could find in all the Old World. 'Braga da 'Ed Bash'a was one of them. Traders from distant lands like Araby and Cathay say that a Bash'a translates into king...maybe they're onto something. But frankly, Braga made his name by...well simply just by "bashing" his enemies heads in like a child would smash two tomatoes together.

The sands of time filled the hourglass and Grimgor once again became furiously bored with the mundane warfare between what he refers to as fickel races, such as "humie's", "stunty's" and "da pointy 'eerd folk". Grimgor, a colossus even within orcish standards, beckoned his strongest and most feared Black Orc bodyguard to step forth. Braga approached and knelt humbly before his chief. Just the other day these two bashed heads in the clearing in front of 'Da Bosses Hut'. Which was of course tradition if one was to challenge the current occupant of the throne. As was well expected, Braga lost the gruesome brawl. Being a sadistic piece of boar-dung, Grimgor left Braga alive to writhe in shame. The battered, and now slightly smaller (shame is evident) orc begged to know how he could please his master and make up for his former wrongdoings. The war boss grabbed Braga by the neck and hoisted him up from the ground, just as a gatherer would pick up a mushroom. He then bellowed; "Yousha be go to dat Blaad Bawl thingy dat every 'un iz babblin' about n' bring glory in me name! Maybe den I iz can forget why I iz give ya all doze bruizes! I also 'erd dat they iz make good loot in thouz gamez! Yousha fill them trophy cups to da brim with shinies or yer 'ed'll be on the mantle piece!!!"
Braga realized that if he succeeded, this could be a chance to get back to Grimgor's revered personal guard. In the process, he could also accomplish something only a few orcs in the Old World could even think of (so not that many of them); world wide glory amongst all races of the Old World and maybe one day he could earn the right for a rematch against the indomitable Grimgor Ironhide.

The next morning Grimgor found himself awoken for some reason. He could hear commotion outside his hut like it was happening right inside his head, he had obviously drunk too much at the great feast last night and now was suffering the horrid aftereffects. Slowly rising to his feet and shuffling towards his huts porch, he shoved aside the two bodyguards stationed at his doorway. Squinting as the sunshine hit his eyes, he leaned against the door frame and held the curtains aside. At once he saw what the ruckus was all about. An armored Braga was marching out of the stronghold. The common folk had formed an angry crowd at the gates, this was to be expected for losing a challenge in such a demeaning fashion. They started throwing dung and rotten provisions at him while screaming profanities at the top of their lungs. Interestingly enough, there was also a peculiar looking group following closely in Braga's wake. They seemed to be reluctantly a part of this apparent expedition. Grimgor thought to himself that Braga probably had to have bribed, twist a few arms and call in some favors to muster this sorry looking bunch. The exiting band was made of Black Orc, Big 'Uns, Goblin, a Stone Troll and everything green in between. The half-drunk war chief snorted aloud; "Hah! Braga, ya old fool! Wif dat circus behind ya, yer 'ed'll be decoratin' me fireplace in no time!"

Thus began the journey to Blood Bowl for Braga and his Brutes...WAAAGH! help us all."

Brad Marchand's hit on Sami Salo

Brad Marchand got a whopping five-game suspension for his hit on Sami Salo, and yes, when I say whopping, I'm being sarcastic. Marchand is a repeat offender, and he's either deliberately trying to injure Salo or playing so recklessly that he doesn't care if Salo gets injured. Here's the hit:

The video is labelled "hip check", which is nonsense. That's clipping, as defined in the rules and as explained by Brendan Shanahan in the suspension video. Some Bruins fans are, unsurprisingly, complaining about the suspension, insisting that it was a hip check and comparing it to some of the hits the Canucks threw in the finals. Here's the most common comparison:

The Hamhuis hit is a hip check, the Marchand hit is clipping. It's really as simple as that. I'd even opine that if you can't see the difference between Marchand's hip check on a player with the puck and Marchand's clip, you may need to try some mental exercises, like swapping the players' jerseys in your head as you watch the videos. Even if you thought that Marchand's hit was a hip check, Salo doesn't have the puck when he's hit.

For Bruins fans to believe that they're somehow being constantly and horribly mistreated by the league is perfectly understandable, as they're constantly exposed to the lunatic hallucinations of the most repulsive play-by-play announcer in hockey, Jack Edwards. NESN broadcasts don't define reality for the rest of us, though, and those of us outside the Bruin bubble might wonder at the fact that the suspension was only five games. That, combined with the incredible non-suspension of Milan Lucic after running Buffalo's Ryan Miller, makes one more inclined to think that on the contrary, the Bruins are getting specially lenient treatment from Brendan Shanahan. Overall, though, THN's Adam Proteau is almost certainly right in believing that the whole system is simply ineffective.

**

Whenever there's a suspension on a dirty hit, let alone talk about stricter enforcement of the rules, someone who may or may not play an imaginary piano on Hockey Night in Canada pipes up about how "they're trying to take hitting out of the game". In one sense, they're absolutely right: there are people trying to take hitting out of the game. Here's one:

USA Today: Boston Bruins Team Report

But coach Claude Julien knows Marchand can take it too far. And that's what happened Saturday, when his clipping major and game misconduct led to two goals that helped the Canucks post a 4-3 win over the Bruins.

Asked to assess whether he player stepped over the line on that hit, the coach said, "The last thing I want my players to do is get hit and then end up with a concussion, and they have to protect themselves. Whether it's the right way or the wrong way, it'll depend on how the league looks at it.

"I'd rather have a guy take a two-minute penalty than turn his back to the play, stand up straight, and then get his face knocked into the glass and be out for maybe the rest of the year with a concussion, or maybe end his career like (Marc) Savard. So I think we have to really look at those kinds of things.

"In my opinion, if guys start protecting themselves the way Marchand did, maybe guys will stop taking runs at other guys because that's the consequences you end up paying for taking runs at guys, too. Who knows where we're going to go with this. I know we're all trying hard to fix that part of the game, but it's still there, and it's still not fixed."

Wait, what? Taking runs at guys? Never mind that Salo is trying to play the puck, not "take a run" at anyone. Even ignoring that, what Julien's saying is that he's fine with his players clipping an opponent to avoid being hit. By no stretch of the imagination is Marchand trying to protect himself from a hit; he's trying to injure the other player. To bring up Matt Cooke's hit on Marc Savard as some kind of justification for Marchand's actions is borderline insane.

Overall, Julien's comment is the latest example of a bizarre line of thinking that seems to maintain that NHL players aren't allowed to deliver bodychecks on the ice. That's what he's saying: he's fine with his player making a dirty play and injuring an opponent to avoid being hit. This is the same philosophy that leads to the idiotic after-the-whistle scrums and fights when a "star player" gets hit: coaches and players who believe that no-one should be allowed to hit their players. Julien goes an extra mile in trying to justify a blatant attempt to injure another player.

It's especially telling that the suspension video includes an example of Sami Salo and Brad Marchand making contact in a similar situation, where Marchand seemingly becomes irate after a completely clean hit by Salo. Clearly he feels that Euro punk has no business hitting him, and teaches him a lesson next time. It's ludicrous to imply that Marchand was so frightened of a Sami Salo bodycheck that he was trying to turtle down to protect himself. On the contrary, I believe he deliberately set out to injure Salo for having the gall to throw a bodycheck on him. These are the only people trying to take hitting out of the game.

Just for added value, here's Brad Marchand doing exactly the same thing to a Sedin last year:

I suppose Claude Julien would argue that he was so frightened of being hit and concussed by one of the Sedin twins that he had to protect himself.

If you want me to express things in the heteronormative way that imaginary-piano players prefer, I'd say that Marchand needs to man up and take the hit, not try to hurt the other guy. It's rats like Marchand who draw the ire of people like Brian Burke, even if Burke's notions of the players policing the game are rubbish. Julien defending Marchand's actions is reprehensible, and putting forward the astonishing notion that he was trying to protect himself from Marc Savard's fate is ridiculous. Like his players, he seems to have no class at all. From retired veteran Mark Recchi badmouthing the Canucks after winning the final to the antics of young players like Lucic and Marchand, the Bruins are turning into an organization as repulsive as their TV announcer.

As far as I'm concerned!

HKIRBBTL: Tor Achare Titans

This is the team I'll be starting the Helsinki-Kotka Interregional Blood Bowl Turboleague with: the High Elf Tor Achare Titans, representing the capital of the province of Chrace in Ulthuan.

I can't paint; it remains to be seen if I can play. Here's the roster:

1 Finrod Angamaitë, blitzer
2 Teclis Turukáno, blitzer
3 Beleg Strongarm, thrower
9 Carecalmo, lineman
10 Ilmiril Telinturco, lineman
11 Lindir Salgant, lineman
12 Morelion Tethlis, lineman
13 Caryarel Mothril, lineman
14 Meryaren, lineman
15 Orodreth Ecthelion, lineman
16 Ulundil, lineman

Head coach: T.Rex

With three team re-rolls, the total starting cost is exactly 1,000,000 gold.