Feb 2, 2012

HKIRBBTL: Brutes-Titans 2-0

Here's the report from my Titans' first game!

Braga's Brutes at Tor Achare Titans

Thirteen thousand excited fans turned out to watch the Titans' season opener as they hosted the Brutes at the Chrace Liondrome. Having already smashed the Blood River Buccaneers, Braga's greenskin horde was a known quantity, but the Titans' surprise hiring of a previously unknown Lizardman head coach had caused a bit of a stir in Blood Bowl circles. His name, unpronounceable even to the high elves, was quickly shortened to T.Rex by the media for convenience's sake. "Chaos abhors a bounded space," he assured reporters at the pre-game conference. "The gridiron is righteous."

The Brutes won the opening coin toss and elected to receive. These were the opening formations:

That is, until the excited fans got a little too excited and rushed the pitch! With a massive cry of waaaaaagh, Brutes supporters stormed onto the field, devastating the Titans' opening lineup and trampling one of their own black orcs into the astrogranite in the process.

After the mess was cleared up and the stampeding greenskin fans herded off the field, both teams were more than a little disoriented: the Brutes came away with the advantage, with no less than six Titans players face down on the pitch, but were unable to capitalize on the situation when thrower Slib'ry Ands lived up to his name and failed to pick up the ball.

Slowly but surely, the Brutes started rolling down the pitch with the ball, downing Orodreth Ecthelion with a flying tackle. Play came to a momentary halt when Brutes lineman Galhag, scorer of the sole touchdown in the Buccaneers game, smashed into Titans lineman Lindir Salgant and left him dead on the field. Salgant earns the dubious distinction of being the Turboleague's first fatality, and a combination of fatality and touchdown in his first two games mark Galhag as a player to watch.

Despite their shocking loss, the Titans put up a brave defense, slowing down the Brutes' grinding offense and nearly scoring a coup when blitzer Finrod Angamaitë found a gap in the Brutes' cage and sacked Slib'ry Ands, knocking him out cold and the ball loose.

Nonetheless, the Titans' last-ditch defense was foiled when Brutes blitzer Galoth grabbed the ball and smashed into the end zone in the dying moments of the first half to score the first touchdown of the game. With mere seconds left on the clock, the Titans' only goal in the last drive was payback:

The Brutes kicked the ball high, giving Titans thrower Beleg Strongarm an easy catch and completion, while blitzer Teclis Turukáno avenged the Brutes' touchdown by sending scorer Galoth to the dubious ministrations of the Brutes' orcish apothecaries. He was carried off the field to the sound of the horn signaling the intermission.


Both coaches put the break to good use in their own particular idioms; in Braga's case, smashing heads, while the Titans received a heavy dose of transcendental philosophy. Both teams took the field re-energized by their respective coaches, with the receiving Titans taking the initiative; Teclis Turukáno scored another casualty right at the start of the drive when he sent Brutes blitzer Urghuk off with a devastating hit.

Braga's greenskins started rolling back the Titans' line aggressively, and halfway through the drive Brutes blitzer Sorgask managed to sack Beleg Strongarm. The ball bounced around out of control as both teams tried their hardest to get it under control. Finally, Beleg managed to get his hands on the ball with a receiver away downfield, but he fumbled the ball and blitzer Grambad converted on the turnover to make the score 2-0 Brutes.

Sadly, there wasn't enough time for the Titans to score when the last drive started, so they did their best to give the Brutes something to remember them by.

After a short disorganized mêlée, the refs called it quits, and the day was Braga's with a 2-0 win. Representatives of the Blood Bowl media in attendance awarded the Most Valuable Player title to Brutes Black Orc #2 Morgur, for very sportingly allowing himself to be trampled underfoot by the fans, and Titans thrower #3 for his beautifully executed, totally irrelevant passing completions.

The coaches held brief post-game press conferences. Braga's consisted of leaving the stadium shouting WAAAAAAGH, while his uninjured blitzers muttered about the lack of casualties. "F*cking chess game," swore a surprisingly articulate orc, perhaps suffering from a head injury. Titans head coach T.Rex was quite pleased with his team's performance despite the loss, citing the two inflicted casualties and near success on the bold passing play as positives. "Discord walks before harmony," he opined. "Trails are blazed by fire. Righteousness will prevail."



Attendance 13,000

First half, Brutes receiving: kickoff result Pitch Invasion

BRU T1: #10 fails to pick up the ball, TURNOVER
TIT T3: #15 fails Dodge roll, TURNOVER
BRU T4: #11 BRU kills #11 TIT
TIT T6: #1 TIT KO's #10 BRU, sack
BRU T8: #8 BRU picks up the ball and scores a TOUCHDOWN

Titans receiving: kickoff result High Kick

TIT T8: #3 TIT throws to #12 TIT, completion; #2 TIT injures #8 BRU (badly hurt)

Second half, Titans receiving: kickoff result Brilliant Coaching (tie)

TIT T1: #2 TIT injures #6 BRU (badly hurt)
BRU T4: #5 BRU sacks #3 TIT
TIT T5: #16 TIT tries to pick up the ball, TURNOVER
BRU T5: #10 BRU fails Dodge roll, TURNOVER
TIT T6: #3 TIT makes Dodge roll, picks up ball in tackle zone, dodges out, attempts long pass. #? BRU makes interception, negated by Safe Throw; #3 TIT fumbles pass, TURNOVER
BRU T6: #7 BRU blitzes #3 TIT, picks up the ball; #9 BRU blocks #14 TIT, both down, TURNOVER
TIT T7: #13 TIT blocks #10 BRU, skull, TURNOVER

Titans receiving: kickoff result Quick Snap

TIT T8: #3 TIT passes to #13 TIT, completion

End of match.

Revenue: TIT 50,000, BRU 50,000
Fan factor: TIT -0, BRU +1
MVP: TIT #3, BRU #2
Improvement rolls: TIT #3 5



Braga's Brutes

#01 Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (black orc)
#02 Morgur (black orc) [MVP]
#03 Roflog (black orc)
#04 Azgrum (black orc)
#05 Sorgask (blitzer) [sack]
#06 Urghuk (blitzer) [badly hurt]
#07 Grambad (blitzer) [touchdown]
#08 Galoth (blitzer) [touchdown, badly hurt]
#09 Grab da Bol (thrower)
#10 Slib'ry Ands (thrower)
#11 Galhag (lineman) [fatality]

Tor Achare Titans:

#1 Finrod Angamaitë (blitzer) [sack]
#2 Teclis Turukáno (blitzer) [2 * casualty]
#3 Beleg Strongarm (thrower) [2 * completion, MVP]
#9 Carecalmo (lineman)
#10 Ilmiril Telinturco (lineman)
#11 Lindir Salgant (lineman) [dead]
#12 Morelion Tethlis (lineman)
#13 Caryarel Mothril (lineman)
#14 Meryaren (lineman)
#15 Orodreth Ecthelion (lineman)
#16 Ulundil (lineman)


League table: [pts, goal differential, casualty differential, fatalities, completions, sacks]

Brutes (2-0-0) 6 pts, 3-0, 3-2, 1, 0, 1-2
Buccaneers (1-1-0) 3 pts, 2-1, 2-2, 0, 4, 2-2
Titans (0-1-0) 0 pts, 0-2, 2-1, 0, 2, 1-1
Murderers (0-1-0) 0 pts, 0-2, 0-3, 0, 2, 2-1
Mütants (0-0-0)
Ravens (0-0-0)
Warriors (0-0-0)

Individual statistics:


Galfir (Buccaneers): 1
Galhag (Brutes): 1
Galoth (Brutes): 1
Grambad (Brutes): 1
Tyrim (Buccaneers): 1


Teclis Turukáno (Titans): 2
Braga da 'Ed Bash'a (Brutes): 1
Dark Elf journeyman (Buccaneers): 1
Galhag (Brutes): 1
Nasty Narsil (Buccaneers): 1
Urghuk (Brutes): 1


Galhag (Brutes): 1


Beleg Strongarm (Titans): 2
Clarius Vile (Buccaneers): 2
Avil Darksoul (Buccaneers): 1
Mordak Blackheart (Buccaneers): 1
Shishi Yanumibaal (Murderers): 1
Tussurradad (Murderers): 1


Finrod Angamaitë (Titans): 1
Mordak Blackheart (Buccaneers): 1
Shishi Yanumibaal (Murderers): 1
Sorgask (Brutes): 1
Tussurradad (Murderers): 1
Tyrim (Buccaneers): 1

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